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Feeling so lost

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 8:06 PM
  • 5 Replies
So this week started rough. A good friends hubby died unexpectedly and I feel so sad for her, and him. I feel so bad I can't be there for her and hold her hand. So I texted DH Monday to tell him. He responded that I need to let him know what he can do for me and if he can call me while I was at work. So here I am thinking he want to call and comfort me. Nope, he calls and says his parents want to visit this weekend! Oh no! So we decide too short notice, and I at the time thought I might fly out for the funeral.so he goes into trying to find another time.... I say "not today, let's talk another time about it." but he keeps going. So I say ask them up for Mothers day. He said "it's not SD's weekend, how dare you exclude her." I'm like WTF!? She's YOUR mom, I thought it was a fine suggestion, talk to your ex and see if you can have some time sat and SD has a game on Sunday so they can go see that." but nooooooo, I am villi aniseed and how dare I suggest such a thing. Okie dokie. Then later I mention his mom never got with me to plan the decorations for the wedding (we are engaged to be married in June), and I tell him I am a little hurt and I don't think she wants to be involved and he is defensive.... My mom doesn't like the phone he says... Well, we live in one state, she lives in another and the wedding is yet in another's state so maybe she needs to call or hone her mental telepathy skills? And again, how dare I, his mom doesn't like the phone, etc.

Ok, wtf!? How am I the bad guy? I just wanted to be sad a couple of days for a friend going through something so hard... Help.
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 8:06 PM
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Replies (1-5):
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 8:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Then just take your time... And ask that all decisions be postponed for a few days while you grieve.

It may be his first time experiencing you mourning ... And he may not understand. So be adamant. Don't get mad, but don't get pushed.

"sweetie... Let me answer you later". Or "why don't you decide but I may need time to myself for a bit so just be aware". "you know hon, it's not the best time and I need you to give me space to feel sad for my friend. You don't have to understand it. Just respect it,
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looneytunes290
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 8:20 PM
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I wouldn't marry a guy that wasn't more sympathetic to my needs- I mean maybe there is more to the story - but if this is how things are usually going for you- get the hell out while it's legally easy- stuff never gets better after marriage.
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DDDaysh
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 9:55 PM
Actually, I very much see things from his point of view on most of this, but it is clearly not a time to talk to you about it. It is a bad time for you, and you need to tell him that he needs to table everything until after the funeral.
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CTchic
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:29 PM

*hugs*  I have learned after 7 years of marriage that my DH will look out for my best interest and protect me something fierce UNLESS that comes at odds of his children or mother.  *sigh*  I am sure your situation should take priority here though.  I love chanizen's advice!

SacStepmom
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 12:42 AM
I hope there was just some miscommunication on his part because he didn't know how to comfort you or he was in a bad mood or something. I think he is wrong to respond to you this way. Your offer was very nice. A man's mom and daughter always rule so never forget that and work with it and you will be fine. a relationship needs respect at all times to be strong. Don't forget that. So sorry for your loss. Take care. Inlaws can be a pain in the ass. Mine came to visit and while a Turkey caught on fire they were asking "is that a mulberry tree?" From that moment on whenever our timing for questions is off, we say "is that a f..g mulberry tree?"
We each get it and it lightens things up. Try your own humor - it helps.
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