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Fiance' wants me to start a "positive rapport" with BM...thoughts? Update

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:18 PM
  • 11 Replies
Fiance' wants me to start "positive rapport" with BM.  Here's a little back story as to why he's asking me to do this.  We just recently discovered that SD 1 and their friend coerced SD 2 to take off her clothes (during a truth or dare game) and then took pictures of her in various stages of undress.  In a bunch of pics she had a towel on and in her hair like she had gotten out of the shower, other pictures were of her in her bra and panties, one picture of her crotch (wearing panties), and then a handful were of her with her bra off (all kids involved are 11 years old and girls).  Parents were notified and SDs were banned from playing with their friend forever.  There's more to it than that, but that's the short story version.
 
So now BM is asking fiance' what happened.  He told her to ask the girls since that's where we got the information we have about the incident, from the girls.  I'm not sure if she's the one that wants to talk/send an email to me, but I'm of the mind that I DON'T want to get involved in their communication issues.  I can pass whatever information she wants that I have through him...the only thing I know more about is what the content of the pictures were because fiance' didn't want to see them (we deleted all the pictures).  This is the first major conflict that they've had since I started seeing fiance', and there are MAJOR issues as far as how they communicate with each other.  I can just see her trying to go through me from here on out if she has a way to communicate with me and I DON'T want to be the middle man.  I also have a shorter bullshit fuse than fiance' and BM has a passive way of talking that is both condescending and insulting at the same time.  I don't do well with people like that.
 
I'd be more willing to communicate with BM if there weren't a highly controversial incident involved.  I don't think it's the best situation for me to start a "positive rapport" with BM.  I see it not going well if that happens.
 
Edited to add: Apparently,the positive rapport thing came directly from BM, not fiance'.  He said that she was the one that suggested us communicating.  Even more of a reason for me to say no way.  I told fiance' that no good can come of this because BM has already tried to cause trouble between us and I didn't need a BM said/SM said thing going on and he didn't need the grief if I said something to BM that BM didn't like or vice-versa.   I said that if she wanted to know anything about me, she could ask him and if he didn't know, that I'd tell him and he could pass the info on to her.  This way there's no misunderstanding and no chance of BM twisting anything I said.  He agreed and said that he thought it was a bad idea too.
 
Thanks for the advice ladies! :-)
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SammyJK
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:21 PM
I'd stay back from it.
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nikkib2012
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:26 PM
Go with your gut. So many women on here will tell you not to get involved. There's a reason... It's between your SO and BM.. Period... You're going to set yourself up, get caught in the mix and not have an option to back out because you put yoursel there. You chose that role, but you don't have to is all I'm saying
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Rae706
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:28 PM

Don't do anything that you aren't comfortable with, and you are correct. She will likely bypass DH in the future if she knows that she can go through you... at least, that is what I would do if I couldn't communicate with BF.

BMof2SMof2
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:29 PM
I would not do it. If you already now BM is not someone you tolerate well and you know you don't want to be the middle man then go with your gut.
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yesmaam
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:31 PM

 Wants you to start a rapport with BM to help parent SD? But just respectfully decline the suggestion.

angelmommy2806
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:35 PM
No way. It could make your life more of a hassle. He had the kids with her not you.
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geauxinginsane
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:38 PM

Somehow this will lead to being your fault for not handling things correctly. Everyone will end up mad at you.

 It is his job to parent his child.  You can help/suggest to SO how he can discuss this with bm appropiately, but don't take it upon yourself to deal with it. 

Ms.Gwen
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:46 PM
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Boundaries are your friend!
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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:47 PM


Quoting angelmommy2806:

No way. It could make your life more of a hassle. He had the kids with her not you.

My thoughts exactly.

thatislife
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:00 PM
Stay out of it. It is his x not yours and he needs to work out his own drama w her rather than trying to get a third party to step up to a plAte he should be standing on.
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