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Beware What You Do

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 11:50 PM
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I truly believe that we create our own demons and monsters, so be very aware of the things you think are the right think to do. Sometime when we bend over backwards to do things it comes back to bite us in the butt.

My youngest SD was one of those that I would have done anything for and did, but if I had it to do over again I think that I might have done things a lot different. I love her dearly but I don't like her at all. The last month has been the most trying of my life and everything that has happened has made me sick.

She could not handle what her father was telling her about the things she was doing that hurt his feelings, along with him being upset at the way she treats her kids, and her house. I never said a word yet it some how all this got turn on me and I was the problem. She even tried to turn my own kids against me which lucky feel the same way that my DH does about her.

I raised her and have never treated her as less then my own daughter but I have come to realize that no matter what you do and how you try they are going to turn out they way they are going to. Not sure if I turned her into the user she is today but I will bet money that some of the fault is all mine.

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 11:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
annabl1970
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2012 at 12:10 AM

It's not your fault. She is what she is. You should be proud, that you treated her well and did your best! Hugs. It will get better. I am sure one day she will realize how wrong she was.

jazzmonkey
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 2:18 AM
1 mom liked this
I pray that God gives you peace and your DH. Try to forgive her and just move on.
lilangilyn
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 8:23 AM

Thank you for this post. I think it is much needed. I know I tried and tried at one time with SS. Then I went through a period where I was so disappointed in him and angry at his mom. I had to disconnect and realize that honestly, it had nothing to do with me.

So don't take responsibility for this child. She makes her own decisions. She speaks her own words. She will blame you enough on her own, don't join in the bashing party of yourself. You sound like you tried. That is all anyone can really do. Hugs.

whatIknownow
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 8:27 AM
1 mom liked this

It seems to me that your DH overstepped his boundries by commenting to her about her kids and her house. I'm not sure what he said, but people don't react well to critical comments about their kids. 

However it is a shame she bundled you in to that. I would explain to her that it was her father who said it, not you, and that you hope she doesn't extend her anger at her father to include you... that you don't want to be involved in her spat with her father, and that you hope it won't inferfere with your relationship with her.

CoochieLibre
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:23 AM
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Luckily, I think most of us reach a point in adulthood where we become... adults *gasp* and stop blaming all our problems and shortcomings on the people who raised us. At some point we have to take responsibility for our own lives. Hopefully she reaches this point sooner rather than later.

jessiesluv
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 12:49 PM

Displaced anger. She doesn't want to blame her bioparent, so you are the obvious choice.

I, too, know I would have done things differently than I have if I had to do it over.

geauxinginsane
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 1:04 PM

Don't let them steal your sunshine.

xMommaKayx
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 1:11 PM

Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?  But you can't blame yourself for doing the best you could with the information you had at the time.  We have all been there at one point or another.  Hugs.  I hope for your sake that she comes to her senses soon.  And if she doesn't... so be it.  That's her loss.  It seems as if your own kids and DH are on your side.

sweettxt1
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 1:23 PM

I really can't blame him for saying something because in all honesty something does need to be said before things get out of hand and she ends up with people at her door step she does not want there. I don't really want to go into too much detail but if she doesn't change a few things it is going to be someone other then family telling her what she is doing wrong.

Quoting whatIknownow:

It seems to me that your DH overstepped his boundries by commenting to her about her kids and her house. I'm not sure what he said, but people don't react well to critical comments about their kids. 

However it is a shame she bundled you in to that. I would explain to her that it was her father who said it, not you, and that you hope she doesn't extend her anger at her father to include you... that you don't want to be involved in her spat with her father, and that you hope it won't inferfere with your relationship with her.


weirdkids
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 1:31 PM
No matter how u raise em some kids are screwed from the start. For example I have tried my hardest to raise "normal" kids..... nope. They are the strangest weirdest kids you will ever meet. They come out with stuff that makes u think "wtf!" I tried I failed lol
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