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why?

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 8:55 AM
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Why do some of you act as you have no rights to your skids when they are in your home like you can not disipline them.  and us as smoms get the short end of the stick.  i know i am new to this group but i am not new to being a smom.  I have had my sd for 12 years in aug  up until 3 years ago when we moved out of state we got her everyother weekend all summer long and aeveryother holiday, now we get her all summer long only :(.  But i have never and would never treat her any diff then my bio kids.  she loves me and respects me for that no the bm does not like it but it is my house and i make the rules dh stands behind me 100%  i would not be with him otherwise cause i can not treat any child any diff then i treat my own.  it does not matter if it is my niece or my nephew my sd or my bio if it is a child and they walk into my house and are my responsibilty they will be treated the same.  that is me that is who i am. i will not sit back and think i have no rights i have just as many rights as the bd and bm and sdad  i am not just her dads wife i am her MOM

by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 8:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lilangilyn
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:03 AM
5 moms liked this

I think it sounds like you have a supportive husband. Many women do not have that or they have such a difficult BM in the picture they have withdrawn from the fray. I think it would be nice instead of lecturing us as a new member, you get on the other posts and start talking about what worked for you. How you navigated the waters of being a stepmom. That would be helpful. This isn't.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:06 AM


Quoting krazymama4:

. i will not sit back and think i have no rights i have just as many rights as the bd and bm and sdad  i am not just her dads wife i am her MOM


This is very wrong.  You have no rights to that child at all.  You may be able to do things in your home, such as discipline, but that is not a right to the child.

yesmaam
by Silver Member on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:06 AM
1 mom liked this

 Let the fun begin.

You are different, you may feel you are your skids mom, I am not my SS's mom.

BF, my DH is perfectly capable of disciplining his son by himself, there is no need, deisre,  or reason for me to do it.

I do not treat him like I do my DS and DD, b/c he is not them and he is not mine. When I say treat him, by treat I mean, call him mine, he does not call me mom, I do not call him son. Yes I feed him, take him places just as I do my own. And its a different kind of love we share.

I do not compete mentally or emotionally to be #1 mom to him, nor do I want to, he has a mother he loves, and I'm not here.

You do you and your family, and I'll do mine.

You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:08 AM

Different situations have different dynamics. Not all stepfamily dynamics are like yours. For example, not all DH's stand behind the SM 100% as you say yours does. If your DH did not stand behind you, your role in your stepfamily would be much different. 

geauxinginsane
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:13 AM

Wow!  Wish I lived in a perfect world.

packermomof2
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:16 AM


Quoting WifeyC:


Quoting krazymama4:

. i will not sit back and think i have no rights i have just as many rights as the bd and bm and sdad  i am not just her dads wife i am her MOM


This is very wrong.  You have no rights to that child at all.  You may be able to do things in your home, such as discipline, but that is not a right to the child.

I think I might care about it being Sm's house if SM cared that my child was my child and not hers. 

AmyB118
by NA Rocks on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:18 AM

Not all SMs WANT rights to their SKs.  I've always felt that SSs belong to BM and DH;. therefore, it's DH's responsiblility to discipline them when they were in our home - not mine.  I mean, I didn't mind saying "Throw that away please" or "Don't put your feet on the couch" but the rest was up to him.  I didn't babysit them since he needed to be present for HIS vistitation....Why is that a problem?

Worked out well for us.....BM's happy w/my behavior, SKs happy, I'm happy....

packermomof2
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting yesmaam:

 Let the fun begin.

You are different, you may feel you are your skids mom, I am not my SS's mom.

I wonder what she tells people when they ask where her child is.  If SM is mom and dad is dad... who is their child living with?  Her mom.  Then you have to explain ... "oh, I'm her SM"... and it al becomes clear.  SM wants to be something she isn't to a kid that isn't hers and it just seems off...

krazymama4
by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

if my DH did not stand behind me 100% i would not be with him.  i understand not all families are like that but i just wanted to put it out there that there are diff types of dynamics for families but this is how it works for me and how it worked for my mother as she was a step mother to 10 kids along with the 4 she brought to the marrage

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2012 at 9:20 AM

So...what rights to do you have to a child that isn't yours?

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