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troubled and confused

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Ok, I recently married my husband in feb of this year! He and I had been friends for few years and he had been with ,what is now his baby's mother for years! they had split up and she found out she was pregnant! they never got back together but they fought constanyl throughout whole pregnancy! She didnt tell him when she was born until three days after and didnt put his nbame on the birth cert. !! Two weeks after the baby was born we started dating. I have known the mother since we were in preschool and when she found out when were seeing each other she FLIPPED OUT on him! I have never been in trouble and solely raised my kids alone for the time i was previously married to "boy" that was never ready to take care of his own self much less two kids! when the baby was two and half months old she quit letting him see her completely.

My husband is a hard workin loving and caring man that has never been "in trouble", but she likes to hold the baby over his head. A month ago, we went to DHR and started the DNA process to be able to establish paterinty and change her name and also start chold support. She is always after $$$ and as being a mother of two kids from previous marriage that has a dead beat felon for thir dad, i understand it take LOTS of money to raise a child.

Two weeks ago, OUT OF THE BLUE, the mother calls and says she wants to forget the past and start over for the baby sake (we had begged for that the whole time). so as of now she and him and even me are all gettin along. he is gettin to see her BUT he has to go to her parents house (where she and the baby still live) and stay for whatever hours and whenever she says its ok and she sits with him in the room! He has asked her if she can start coming over to our home and she says "when she feels it's time she will" but " until the baby is old enough to say "i want to spend the night at daddy's" she will not be allowed! because she doesnt feel like the baby will be comfortable enough to stay away from her that long and it's not good for the baby!

Now I have never been know to "keep my opinions to myself" but in this case I am BITING MY TONGUE! He doesnt want to have to take it to court BUT I think its the ONLY way that things can be always half civial and when she decides to get mad again to keep him from the baby!! I AM BEGGING FOR ADVICE FROM OUTSIDE THE FAMILY!!! Thank you for anyone thats takes thier time to try to help me make sense of this

by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 11:45 PM
Replies (61-70):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 8:48 AM

Maybe it's not bitterness that makes me talk down to you. Maybe it's because you're just plain silly.

Quoting luckystars2012:

Again, your attitude shows in your posts an the way you talk down to others.

I don't need to know why you are bitter. The fact that you are is obvious enough.




Quoting whatIknownow:

If you don't know or care about my details, how can you accuse me of being bitter?

Do you just use "bitter" as a catch-all insult without actually knowing what it means?


Quoting luckystars2012:

I don't know or care about your details, honestly. I know how you treat others here, how you talk down to anyone who doesn't agree with you, and how you let your obvious BITTERNESS show in every reply you write.





Quoting whatIknownow:

My other post wasnt' written to complain about this one. I simply used this one as an example of the behavior I was describing. This is only one example, there are plenty of others.

What do you think I have to be bitter about? Just curious. I wonder how well you know my situation.



Quoting luckystars2012:

Kind of like how you went and made a whole other post so you could link it to this one and complain about it? Lmao.





Nope I'm not bitter, I am proud to e with a man who takes responsibilty for his child and never ever complains about it, and does everything he can to do more for his child.





I'm proud to have a gray relationship with my SS, so much so that at 7 he told a GAL how much he loves me, and loves that I'm his "other mom".





I have nothing to be bitter about, unlike you apparently.








Quoting whatIknownow:

in this particular story, the mom had not even filed for child support on the father.

Are you adding in other details from other stories? Is that because you're bitter?




Quoting luckystars2012:

Absolutely not. I'm glad he does, and we often willingly pay more and do more than the CO requires him to do.







However I think there is a difference between expecting dad to support his child, vs expecting that check every month but not allowing him to be a father to his child.







Yes in some situations mom does treat dad like a piggy bank, and they are usually the ones who are shitty moms.











Quoting whatIknownow:

by the way, most of us here dont' consider paying child support to be "mom's personal piggy bank." Good parents who take their responsiblity seriously want to support their children.

are you bitter that your husband pays child support?





Quoting luckystars2012:

So basically you are supporting mom being a shady bitch and wanting dad to be her personal piggy bank, but not actually have any rights as a father?















jkkbc
by on Apr. 23, 2012 at 8:52 AM
Quoting DixieL:

In my opinion you should go right back to where you started. DNA going to court to get the name changed child support and getting rights to his baby. She is still running the show and she doesn't have the right to tell the dad when he can see his baby or where he can see his baby or even for how long. I think she just didn't want you to go to court because he would win, and that would take the power away from her. Since he is a good man, he should try to go for shared custody. GOOD LUCK


THank you! you actually GOT it!! :)))))

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 8:52 AM
Way to cop out when called to the carpet!!!

This reply Is what is "silly". You talk this way to anyone who doesn't agree with you.


Quoting whatIknownow:

Maybe it's not bitterness that makes me talk down to you. Maybe it's because you're just plain silly.


Quoting luckystars2012:

Again, your attitude shows in your posts an the way you talk down to others.



I don't need to know why you are bitter. The fact that you are is obvious enough.









Quoting whatIknownow:

If you don't know or care about my details, how can you accuse me of being bitter?

Do you just use "bitter" as a catch-all insult without actually knowing what it means?



Quoting luckystars2012:

I don't know or care about your details, honestly. I know how you treat others here, how you talk down to anyone who doesn't agree with you, and how you let your obvious BITTERNESS show in every reply you write.








Quoting whatIknownow:

My other post wasnt' written to complain about this one. I simply used this one as an example of the behavior I was describing. This is only one example, there are plenty of others.

What do you think I have to be bitter about? Just curious. I wonder how well you know my situation.




Quoting luckystars2012:

Kind of like how you went and made a whole other post so you could link it to this one and complain about it? Lmao.







Nope I'm not bitter, I am proud to e with a man who takes responsibilty for his child and never ever complains about it, and does everything he can to do more for his child.







I'm proud to have a gray relationship with my SS, so much so that at 7 he told a GAL how much he loves me, and loves that I'm his "other mom".







I have nothing to be bitter about, unlike you apparently.











Quoting whatIknownow:

in this particular story, the mom had not even filed for child support on the father.

Are you adding in other details from other stories? Is that because you're bitter?





Quoting luckystars2012:

Absolutely not. I'm glad he does, and we often willingly pay more and do more than the CO requires him to do.









However I think there is a difference between expecting dad to support his child, vs expecting that check every month but not allowing him to be a father to his child.









Yes in some situations mom does treat dad like a piggy bank, and they are usually the ones who are shitty moms.














Quoting whatIknownow:

by the way, most of us here dont' consider paying child support to be "mom's personal piggy bank." Good parents who take their responsiblity seriously want to support their children.

are you bitter that your husband pays child support?






Quoting luckystars2012:

So basically you are supporting mom being a shady bitch and wanting dad to be her personal piggy bank, but not actually have any rights as a father?




















Posted on CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 8:55 AM

Agree with you about what? me being bitter? 

You called  me bitter because I don't agree with you abut the story in the OP.

You really can't hold any kind of cogent conversation. 

But you are good for a little amusement.

Quoting luckystars2012:

Way to cop out when called to the carpet!!!

This reply Is what is "silly". You talk this way to anyone who doesn't agree with you.


Quoting whatIknownow:

Maybe it's not bitterness that makes me talk down to you. Maybe it's because you're just plain silly.


Quoting luckystars2012:

Again, your attitude shows in your posts an the way you talk down to others.



I don't need to know why you are bitter. The fact that you are is obvious enough.









Quoting whatIknownow:

If you don't know or care about my details, how can you accuse me of being bitter?

Do you just use "bitter" as a catch-all insult without actually knowing what it means?



Quoting luckystars2012:

I don't know or care about your details, honestly. I know how you treat others here, how you talk down to anyone who doesn't agree with you, and how you let your obvious BITTERNESS show in every reply you write.








Quoting whatIknownow:

My other post wasnt' written to complain about this one. I simply used this one as an example of the behavior I was describing. This is only one example, there are plenty of others.

What do you think I have to be bitter about? Just curious. I wonder how well you know my situation.




Quoting luckystars2012:

Kind of like how you went and made a whole other post so you could link it to this one and complain about it? Lmao.







Nope I'm not bitter, I am proud to e with a man who takes responsibilty for his child and never ever complains about it, and does everything he can to do more for his child.







I'm proud to have a gray relationship with my SS, so much so that at 7 he told a GAL how much he loves me, and loves that I'm his "other mom".







I have nothing to be bitter about, unlike you apparently.











Quoting whatIknownow:

in this particular story, the mom had not even filed for child support on the father.

Are you adding in other details from other stories? Is that because you're bitter?





Quoting luckystars2012:

Absolutely not. I'm glad he does, and we often willingly pay more and do more than the CO requires him to do.









However I think there is a difference between expecting dad to support his child, vs expecting that check every month but not allowing him to be a father to his child.









Yes in some situations mom does treat dad like a piggy bank, and they are usually the ones who are shitty moms.














Quoting whatIknownow:

by the way, most of us here dont' consider paying child support to be "mom's personal piggy bank." Good parents who take their responsiblity seriously want to support their children.

are you bitter that your husband pays child support?






Quoting luckystars2012:

So basically you are supporting mom being a shady bitch and wanting dad to be her personal piggy bank, but not actually have any rights as a father?





















luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 9:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Actually I called packer bitter, and you threw yourself in.

Or are you and packer the same person? Is that why those two sns revolve around each other, spraying the rest of us with your bitter stench? Hmmmm


Quoting whatIknownow:

Agree with you about what? me being bitter? 

You called  me bitter because I don't agree with you abut the story in the OP.

You really can't hold any kind of cogent conversation. 

But you are good for a little amusement.


Quoting luckystars2012:

Way to cop out when called to the carpet!!!



This reply Is what is "silly". You talk this way to anyone who doesn't agree with you.





Quoting whatIknownow:

Maybe it's not bitterness that makes me talk down to you. Maybe it's because you're just plain silly.



Quoting luckystars2012:

Again, your attitude shows in your posts an the way you talk down to others.





I don't need to know why you are bitter. The fact that you are is obvious enough.














Quoting whatIknownow:

If you don't know or care about my details, how can you accuse me of being bitter?

Do you just use "bitter" as a catch-all insult without actually knowing what it means?




Quoting luckystars2012:

I don't know or care about your details, honestly. I know how you treat others here, how you talk down to anyone who doesn't agree with you, and how you let your obvious BITTERNESS show in every reply you write.











Quoting whatIknownow:

My other post wasnt' written to complain about this one. I simply used this one as an example of the behavior I was describing. This is only one example, there are plenty of others.

What do you think I have to be bitter about? Just curious. I wonder how well you know my situation.





Quoting luckystars2012:

Kind of like how you went and made a whole other post so you could link it to this one and complain about it? Lmao.









Nope I'm not bitter, I am proud to e with a man who takes responsibilty for his child and never ever complains about it, and does everything he can to do more for his child.









I'm proud to have a gray relationship with my SS, so much so that at 7 he told a GAL how much he loves me, and loves that I'm his "other mom".









I have nothing to be bitter about, unlike you apparently.














Quoting whatIknownow:

in this particular story, the mom had not even filed for child support on the father.

Are you adding in other details from other stories? Is that because you're bitter?






Quoting luckystars2012:

Absolutely not. I'm glad he does, and we often willingly pay more and do more than the CO requires him to do.











However I think there is a difference between expecting dad to support his child, vs expecting that check every month but not allowing him to be a father to his child.











Yes in some situations mom does treat dad like a piggy bank, and they are usually the ones who are shitty moms.

















Quoting whatIknownow:

by the way, most of us here dont' consider paying child support to be "mom's personal piggy bank." Good parents who take their responsiblity seriously want to support their children.

are you bitter that your husband pays child support?







Quoting luckystars2012:

So basically you are supporting mom being a shady bitch and wanting dad to be her personal piggy bank, but not actually have any rights as a father?



























Posted on CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 9:04 AM

oh my goodness you discovered my secret. Wow you are one smart breakfast cereal aren't you.

Quoting luckystars2012:

Actually I called packer bitter, and you threw yourself in.

Or are you and packer the same person? Is that why those two sns revolve around each other, spraying the rest of us with your bitter stench? Hmmmm
jkkbc
by on Apr. 23, 2012 at 9:09 AM

They were together for three years until she cheated...twice! he paid for her college education also! they tried to work things out and thats when she got prego!! this wasnt a one nights stand! jus a relationship that would have never worked but they kept tryin! Im hearing alot of "pissed off selfish baby momma"s responses and i thank the ones that actually swallow thier pride and think of the child before their emtions! It takes THE MOM ANS THE DAD to make the baby and when the mother is only keeping the child from the dad for her own pity party... the mom is the one at fault!! i would give anything for my kids father to beg adn plead with me to see his kids the way my hubby has with his daughters mother! I married way to young but i DONT regret it a bit because I have two beautifu lkids now and all what i been thru made me who i am today! being a parent isnt easy but being a "brat" about it is jus selfish

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 9:13 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting andie646c:

I don't think such a young baby should be away from mom overnights if mom is the primary caregiver.


really? Ss was barely a week old when BM dropped him off to DH for the weekend-starting from his birth DH got his son every single weekend and there was never any problems.....guess every situation's different.

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Apr. 23, 2012 at 9:26 AM
Much more so than you obviously!


Quoting whatIknownow:

oh my goodness you discovered my secret. Wow you are one smart breakfast cereal aren't you.


Quoting luckystars2012:

Actually I called packer bitter, and you threw yourself in.



Or are you and packer the same person? Is that why those two sns revolve around each other, spraying the rest of us with your bitter stench? Hmmmm

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jazzmonkey
by on Apr. 23, 2012 at 8:24 PM

After you paternity is set you should try to get CS postponed until you get custody established. Otherwise you will have to go back to get CS redrawn after custody arrangement is made. If your SO gets 50/50 CS will be much different than if he is EOWnd. I will tell you if he wants to be a true parent to his child he needs to go for at least 50/50. Also, don't forget to put in place that she can't move out of the area. In fact try to get that addressed as soon as you go to court. That is the biggest problem people face in custody situations. Next is what will happen when the child starts school. I know that is a ways off but if it isn't addressed in the first CO than you have to go back to court. Don't agree to pay for extras either , you can always do so if your budget allows but if it is in a CO , you are screwed and have no control.

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