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Help! 13 year old ss wont stop pooping his pants!!!!!

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For the last 3 years, my ss has been going in his pants. Not to gross anyone out, but its small amounts, enough to become dried clumps in his underwear & at times, seep through his jeans even. It has the most horrific smell Ive ever smelled! He tries to keep it a secret by either throwing his underwear away (due to this, we are always having to buy him new underwear) or he puts them @ the bottom of the hamper. Unfortunately, I always seem to be the lucky one who reaches in the hamper for clothes to put in the washer & ends up touching his nasty poop!! Many of his jeans are also stained from it as well. When he does this, he won't change his pants & underwear on his own. He only changes them when we either notice the smell or he is taking a shower. My husband checks him periodically to make sure he has not went in his pants but we get busy some times & he doesn't get him checked in time. He does it @ our house & bm's house. We have tried to talk with him about it with no luck. He just gets angry & refuses to speak, usually followed by a major behavior. Ss is diagnosed adhd & has been on meds since he was in 3rd grade (now 7th) for the adhd & "rage issues". We have had him in sessions with 3 different counselors in the last 4 years, private sessions & family sessions. We have also been to 5 different doctors who all agree that there is no reason for the dirty pants except for laziness on ss's part. My husband is to the point where he is fed up with it & really spoke his mind to ss yesterday about it after we noticed the smell & discovered that he had done it again. I guess my point is that I feel like we have exhausted every possible solution to help ss stop doing this. Im seriously ready to tell my husband that ss will have to start wearing a diaper when he is @ our house. Anyone have any other ideas that might work?

by on Apr. 22, 2012 at 11:56 PM
Replies (51-60):
KAS428
by on May. 1, 2012 at 8:17 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm new at this forum but this caught my attention. My step son is in a similar situation. He is 7 but the pooping thing began about 2 years ago. Not only does he poop his pants but he poops in the trash can at his mothers, poops in her closet, and poops on the floor of the bathroom. Oddly enough, when he is with us we have never witnessed this kind of behavior. Recently (past 6months) he was diagnosed with ADHD and adjustment disorder with disturbed emotion and conduct. I will spare all the drama that my husband, myself, his 2 bio children and my 3 bio children has endured with the ex-wife..... The short of it this is an emotional behavior. Do NOT discipline or embarrass him. Be a friend and talk heart to heart with him. Something has occurred in this child's life that he obviously has yet to overcome or been able to deal with. Not to freak you out, but it is also a behavior of Sexual abuse. Go back to the time in his life When this started, who was in his life? It could Just be coincidence that is began when you married his dad.... Look further. Also, the diagnosis of ADHD really is unfair to children with other emotional problems. ADHD and its medication is just a darn bandaid to cover what is or has really gone on with the child. Which is also another issue my husband and I are battling with the ex-wife. Ugh... So much drama with ex-wives, I'm sure y'all will be hearing more from me on here =) glad I found a step-mom forum to feel the pain with others in my situation. I just don't get it? I'm an ex-wife
Too. My ex and I do not have problems co-parenting but it just seems impossible with my current husbands ex-wife.
tryingmom925
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:26 AM

Ok, each time we have taken ss to the dr for this situation & to therapist for this situation, we have been assured each time that "the cause for ss dirtying his pants is not due to anything physical (externally or internally) wrong with ss, or anything to do with the meds that he takes". After hearing this each time we ask, "so why is he doing this?" More than once we have been told "he is just being lazy & not going to the bathroom & when he is, he is not wiping properly". Yes the word lazy was used. My main purpose for this post was to find out if anyone else was having this issue & to find out what diffently I could do. My road block in all of this is that if there is something physically or mentally wrong with ss that is causing this, every doctor & therapist we have seen is saying that those issues are not the cause. Its very frustrating to think that obviously there is a huge underlying issue but every "professional" we see for it says there is not.

YesImMomToo
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:30 AM
2 moms liked this
Youngest ss 9 still deals with this at times. I used to think it was a behavioral issue and after researching encropresis it is not.

The doctor stated that his body has trained itself not to feel the need to relieve itself and the behavior of hiding it is an indication that he doesnt want to be doing it and is ashamed.

He recommended that we limit dairy and increase fiber and give him miralax.

He suggested that we come up with a way to signal regular bathroom breaks and rely on the clock not his body to tell him when to go.

Ss chose a watch with an alarm that went off every two hours. When it beeped he knee what to do.

The dr. Also recommend involving him in clean up and having him do his own laundry to get a sense of control.

His teachers have alwaya been on board and do not questioj him when his alarm went off so he didnt suffer uneccesary questions or embarassment.

We worked long and hard with making sure it didnt affect his self image. It took about a year and it happens most when he feels really angry and controlled by his mom but today he gets up, takes his own bath and lets me know hes starting a load if laundry. No questions asked and he gets lots of love and understanding from his family and its happening less and less.

Eta he was also diagnosed with adhd and the distraction he feels in general probably also relate to not paying attention. His mom called him "lazy" too and wanted to put him back in diapers. Dh said over my dead body step up and learn to deal with encropresis.
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thatislife
by on May. 2, 2012 at 6:49 AM

YES!

I deal with this with a child and stepchild so I have been disturbed by some of the responses here.

Bm was like that for my schild too to the point we went swimming one day and found bruises all up and down schild's leg.  We asked what that was from and come to find out she had poop smears like the OP described so she beat her with a belt.  Child wasn't going to tell anyone because then she would have had to admit that she pooped her pants (like you said the whole fact this kid hides it says he is not fine with it).  This led to our weekend vistation leading in to us keeping her for an extended time, CPS and lawyers getting involved and the chld was not returned to bm until a plan was arrive at for her to be less of a stupid moron. 

I think that people who do not want to deal with barf, poop, pee, and other unpleasant things should not  have kids or be involved with people who have kids because yes even older kids have these issues.  While it is not the majority of kids there are many and their parents that deal with this.

Quoting YesImMomToo:

Youngest ss 9 still deals with this at times. I used to think it was a behavioral issue and after researching encropresis it is not.

The doctor stated that his body has trained itself not to feel the need to relieve itself and the behavior of hiding it is an indication that he doesnt want to be doing it and is ashamed.

He recommended that we limit dairy and increase fiber and give him miralax.

He suggested that we come up with a way to signal regular bathroom breaks and rely on the clock not his body to tell him when to go.

Ss chose a watch with an alarm that went off every two hours. When it beeped he knee what to do.

The dr. Also recommend involving him in clean up and having him do his own laundry to get a sense of control.

His teachers have alwaya been on board and do not questioj him when his alarm went off so he didnt suffer uneccesary questions or embarassment.

We worked long and hard with making sure it didnt affect his self image. It took about a year and it happens most when he feels really angry and controlled by his mom but today he gets up, takes his own bath and lets me know hes starting a load if laundry. No questions asked and he gets lots of love and understanding from his family and its happening less and less.

Eta he was also diagnosed with adhd and the distraction he feels in general probably also relate to not paying attention. His mom called him "lazy" too and wanted to put him back in diapers. Dh said over my dead body step up and learn to deal with encropresis.


Fia5511
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 10:33 PM
I am going through the same thing with my boyfriends son who is going to be 14 soon. He shares a room with my son who is two years younger and it's absoultly disgusting and neither of his parents will do a thing about it, assuming to spare them the embarresment instead of dealing with the situation. There are many other problems he is probably the most disrespectful child I have ever met, his mothe lives with her parents and always has and I can't believe he gets away with this at their house? I truly feel like smacking his parents heads together for letting it get to this point, if my children have a problem I'm right at the doctor embarresed or not.
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LOVLYLOVEKGS
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 10:59 PM

MY SS8 is doing that and nothing medical. what we have been doing is make him sit on the toliet for 10 min every 2hrs. and ask him in public if we are out do u neeed to go poo and take him to the restroom holding his hand and take him. he is learning that that is not okay and only does it at bm house now.

alissaplusthree
by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 5:04 AM

I have not taken the time to read all the replies because this thread is so long, but have you considered sexual abuse against your stepson? It can damage sphincter tone, and cause incontinence.

Children with behavioral issues are often in the position to be targets because they are in special classes or therapy alone with their perpetrators. They are often not believed either because people think they are lying or acting out for attention since they have the other behavioral issues.

I hope this is not the case with your stepson.

I recommend that your DH has a private conversation with an outside doctor about the issue, and then takes the SS in for a confidential appointment to allow him to be examined and talk with the doctor alone.(DH leaves the room) The doctor needs to emphasize to the SS the rules and laws of doctor-patient confidentiality. I do not recommend that the issue be handled by any care provider that sees SS on a regular basis. 

easjba
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:02 PM

I am in the same boat.  my son is 13 and has been doing it for years. he also has major anger issues.  he feels like everyone is out to get him even though they are not.  he always feels like he's the victim. i don't know what to do either.

Laronda367
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:38 PM

i wouldnt even deal with it  like its to damb stressful of a situation he is doing it for attention most likely uggh

gma12.1
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:46 PM

Your dh needs to talk to someone about what he can do to stop bm from taking ss out of therapy just because she doesn't like what is said. It sounds like ss really does need the therapy that dh has been trying to get for him. Some how dh has to get ss back into therapy where bm can not take him out of. Once ss knows that he won't be yanked away from a therapist that he gets to know, like, & open up to he can make progress. For the time being as what a pp said sit him down and tell him how things will go if he continues to poop his pants, I would also add to the chances 1st clean it up, 2nd clean it up lose a favorite thing (toy, game, computer time) 3rd clean it up lose everything 4th clean it up & wear a diaper. You are giving him rules and doing it when you are all calm. Like the pp said when it happens you calmly enforce the punishment that he already knows will come with what he has done. He may try to see if you will really follow thru and you have to be consistant. The hardest part is going to be if he gets all the way to a 4th time, no one wants to put a 13yr old in a diaper. I really think that if you and dh remain calm, consistant & dh can get him into therapy you both will get back the kid he used to be.

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