My husband thinks that I should put him b4 my children? I think he is crazy , Am I crazy to think this?
Put first by both of us - but we are a united front with them- in doing this we put our marriage first too- neither of us would ask the other to neglect the kids.
Quoting luckystars2012:
Lol that's funny, SO and I just Talked about this recently wuth some friends(it wasn't an issue we were having, just a conversation).
I put both DD and SS before my SO, even though SS isnt "mine". SO does the same with my dd who isn't "his". We both agree it's the only way to live, all in for your kids.
Our friends were shocked thy we think this way.... Yet we have an amazing relationship and theirs is a 24-7 soap opera.....
Of course, I didnt mean to make it seem like he and I dont make each other a priority, we definetely do. But we both agree that if it comes to one of us or the kids, the kids will come first. If one of the kids needs something or has an activity or whatever, we dont hesitate to put that over whatever it is we want or need.
the husband of the couple we were talking to is particularly selfish, and basically tends to put himself before anyone-one of the reasons they have such major issues....but they also both seemed to be shocked that he and I put each others kids first, being that they are "step kids". My DD isnt biologically his and his son isnt biologically mine, and neither of them seemed to understand how we could say that we put our stepkid before our SO....but we just do, and it works for us, kwim?
Quoting looneytunes290:
I kind of get what you are saying my husband and I say we put each other first and we do- but we are both DEDICATED to the well being of our kids- their needs are
Put first by both of us - but we are a united front with them- in doing this we put our marriage first too- neither of us would ask the other to neglect the kids.
Quoting luckystars2012:
Lol that's funny, SO and I just Talked about this recently wuth some friends(it wasn't an issue we were having, just a conversation).
I put both DD and SS before my SO, even though SS isnt "mine". SO does the same with my dd who isn't "his". We both agree it's the only way to live, all in for your kids.
Our friends were shocked thy we think this way.... Yet we have an amazing relationship and theirs is a 24-7 soap opera.....
He should come first. Hes your husband. Of course this is not about neglecting your children. I'm sure I will be attacked for saying your husband should come first, but he does. Not in like, a radical way or anything like that. But he's vowed to spend the rest of his life with you, and he deserves to be put before anyone else. Hes your PARTNER. Taking care of him means taking care of you. If you and your husband dont take care of yourselves together as partners before anything else, then you wont be happy, he wont be happy, and the kids wont be happy.
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Quoting thatislife:I would have to know more. I believe in a healthy relationship that the husband and wife prioritize each other and that lends stability and security to the family as a whole including the children and they work as a team toward the well being of any minor children. Now in a healthy realtionship this is not going to take away from but rather add to the children's well being. If there is inappropriate or abusive behavior or encouragement to neglect the kids in the name of putting husband first this is NOT a healthy relationship.
I think with a 13 and 5 yo, they likely can find something to do for a couple hours as you go to dinner. Isn't the 13 year old texting friends and isn't the 5 yo able to enjoy a movie?
It is really common for step-parents to struggle with certain things when skids come EOWE but ignoring your spouse and only focusing on the kids is a sure way to build resentment in your marriage.
My suggestion is to find a balance and listen to his needs.
Quoting Tabby1976:My children are 5,13 ~ and at anytime he is not paid enough attn to he starts acting out,
Quoting KCayea:
Agree as well..it depends...if dh cut off his finger he comes first at that moment, when I had to have an emergency c section, i did, when sd was being bullied at school and came home crying she was first in that moment...everyone can take turns and I feel that is fair. No one should come first all the time
Step kids and extracurriculars
- Tabby1976
on Apr. 23, 2012 at 6:50 PM