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I Don't understand why a BP says cs is for "a roof over kids head and utilities"

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:35 AM
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Hi. BM of 2dds 9&10 and sm of 2 ss's 12&16. My Dh has sons every other week=50/50)We had a debate about that sentence. If you get cs,(let's say a good amount)why do you think it's for a roof over your head or the water bill? Wouldn't you have to pay that if you had kids or not?

Skids BM told my Dh that "She might need him To buy the boys more clothing this year bc she's only working 3 days a week right now..um!! Hello?! I am off until February on disability and I would never expect my dd's bd to pick up my slack bc I am making less $ right now. BM has 4 incomes Coming In and my Dhs.

I get that sentence sometimes,but it still doesn't explain why you'd think it should pay your bills you would have paid without cs or kids. Btw,Dh is 50/50 and always gets them more then that. Maybe that's why I see it like this. Fair is fair.
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by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:35 AM
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vintagebikegirl
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:44 AM
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For us....we have 5 kids. I it were just DH and I we wouldn't need a big house, we could live in a studio apt and be just fine. More kids means more room needed, more water used, more electricity used, cable tv that DH and I could do without, more groceries, more trash bags used, more more more.
If your BM didn't have the 2 kids by your husband she would have to buy less and use less and need less space. CS helps provide for the more more more.

I do agree that just because she decided to work less doesn't mean he should have to give more. That's just silly.
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jadedcynic
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:49 AM

That may not be her choice to only work 3 days a week, and I think your husband is doing the right thing taking care of his children. The children's welfare is what is important. Like vintagebikegirl pointed out, she needs more room and more utilities for the children than she would if it were just her.

Apparently my old one wasn't funny :( 


MrKennys_Mom
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:56 AM
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The way I see it each parent should pay for 50% of the childs living expenses. Lets say its BM, BMs SO and LO living in the house. LO would make up 1/3 of household expenses like rent, utilities and food so Dad should be paying half of that 1/3 as well as half of other normal everyday expenses for the child. There are always going to be unexpected things that pop up and needs to be taken care of and I think both parents should help. That being said if one parent decides to do something extra like have the child play a sport and doesnt consult the other parent they should not expect money for it.
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ariesp19
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:15 AM

 well, it depends....

example, we have 4 kids.... if dh and i split, and he had eow, he would only NEED a 3 bedroom, maybe even a two bedroom depending...

while i would NEED a 4 bedroom

would i need that 4 bed if i did not have kids? no...

so, i can 'see' how some CPs say that

in oregon, least 7 years ago, they charged water by each person in the house.... not useage... so i can see that also...

elec goes up with kids also

there are many things that a cp HAS to pay more for that they would not if they did not have the kids so often...were as eow parents dont have so much other things....

 

KellyReedy
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:32 AM
4 moms liked this

Bm of my skids has decided to move into a really nice BIG 2 story house.  The kids are moving back with her in May.  Her and her fiance have always had a room mate.  Now, they have 2.  He's in his early 40's and she's early 30's.  Roomies are in 20's.  They have roomies to help pay bills and rent.  Oh and she got a brand new 30,000 car.  I'd LOVE a nice big newer house.  Not gunna happen.  I'd LOVE a newer car.  Ha.  Too bad! Woulda been nice if she would have given even a dime in CS or clothing.  Oh wait.  She bought a couple of school outfits one year.  My bad....No...I don't want to pay her water...food, car etc!

Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:55 AM
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I understand more time w kid means it cost more to raise the kid. But my Dh is 50/50 plus after school. Plus BM drops off my Skids at my Home on her week so that they can get ready here while she waits in her car outside. So technically I am paying for more stuff bc BM won't buy it or whatever.

We have a4 bedroom and 2 rooms
Are empty 2 weeks a month,if BM and Dh have 50/50 why should he new to provide for her 2 weeks a month of having her own Kids?Just a question:)

There's no point to paying cs to Someone who has equal time w the kids.



Quoting vintagebikegirl:

For us....we have 5 kids. I it were just DH and I we wouldn't need a big house, we could live in a studio apt and be just fine. More kids means more room needed, more water used, more electricity used, cable tv that DH and I could do without, more groceries, more trash bags used, more more more.

If your BM didn't have the 2 kids by your husband she would have to buy less and use less and need less space. CS helps provide for the more more more.



I do agree that just because she decided to work less doesn't mean he should have to give more. That's just silly.
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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:01 AM
Sorry, I forgot to add she had a baby in December. She chooses to work only 3 days a week right now to be home w her husband and baby. Bm's H,is home FT bc he is retired military.

She has lived house to Couch w the skids since I've been w my Dh. (4.5 years) my Dh has alway kept his home the same for his sons. If BM can't pay for the "more" and it's EQUAL time as my Dh,then maybe she can't afford to have them those 2 weeks and my Dh should have Full custody.

Doesn't that make better sense? Ps,she did buy a home this year finally!:) Dh pays 1900.00 mortgage plus lunch plus cs plus ecas,ect.. she pays 750 for her home. Where is this fair??

(Not speaking to you like this but in general)


Quoting jadedcynic:

That may not be her choice to only work 3 days a week, and I think your husband is doing the right thing taking care of his children. The children's welfare is what is important. Like vintagebikegirl pointed out, she needs more room and more utilities for the children than she would if it were just her.

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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:07 AM
My Dh and bm are "spilt" custody or joint cp. I forgot the wording. No one is CP technically.

My Dh has a 4 bedroom. BM has had the skids live couch to couch for the last 4 years. Bc she chose to. So I don't agree w the equation that bc you need more space you new more cs...(not bashing you,just questioning what IMO I do not get) so bc BM
"needed" More Space w a pool
And such,Dh should pay more? Usually ppl live in a 3 bedroom anyhow. Most homes or apts. are 3 bedroom.


Quoting ariesp19:

 well, it depends....


example, we have 4 kids.... if dh and i split, and he had eow, he would only NEED a 3 bedroom, maybe even a two bedroom depending...


while i would NEED a 4 bedroom


would i need that 4 bed if i did not have kids? no...


so, i can 'see' how some CPs say that


in oregon, least 7 years ago, they charged water by each person in the house.... not useage... so i can see that also...


elec goes up with kids also


there are many things that a cp HAS to pay more for that they would not if they did not have the kids so often...were as eow parents dont have so much other things....


 

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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:14 AM
Lol. Same here. My skids I swear look rugged when they are w bm even though Dh pays $800 per month plus eca's lunch,insurance,ect...

BM just bought a home this year(yay!) w H who gets a nice chunk of military pay,2 roommates,her mom and her own income. Plus her home cost more then half Less then dh's. Dh agreed to keep his home
Bc it's where the boys felt "secure and consistant". All that bs. Lol.

Shoot! BM used to fly Out to Ga from Cali a couple Times a year before H moved here to cali(maybe 2 months ago?) to visit him! Lol. She's NEVER ever taken the skids out to any type of vacation. We have never been on a vacation w out the skids. It shows you who
Puts kids before themselves terr doesn't it?lol.

I probably didn't word the post right. Not bc I'm getting answers I do not agree with but bc Dh shouldn't be paying BM for crap if it's equal time and all that crap. Lol.



Quoting KellyReedy:

Bm of my skids has decided to move into a really nice BIG 2 story house.  The kids are moving back with her in May.  Her and her fiance have always had a room mate.  Now, they have 2.  He's in his early 40's and she's early 30's.  Roomies are in 20's.  They have roomies to help pay bills and rent.  Oh and she got a brand new 30,000 car.  I'd LOVE a nice big newer house.  Not gunna happen.  I'd LOVE a newer car.  Ha.  Too bad! Woulda been nice if she would have given even a dime in CS or clothing.  Oh wait.  She bought a couple of school outfits one year.  My bad....No...I don't want to pay her water...food, car etc!

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mirm99
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:19 AM
3 moms liked this
I agree.. that's how our custody is too for sd.. its eoweek and we still pay CS and provide all medical.. and bm tried pulling that w us.. that she was working part time so she needed more $... and my dh answer to her was why can't u get another job?.. if u can't provide and take care of Mylee(sd) than maybe I should have full custody..

Its not dh responsibility to make up BM difference in income bc BM chooses to work part time... if that's the case DH can have full custody instead..


Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

Sorry, I forgot to add she had a baby in December. She chooses to work only 3 days a week right now to be home w her husband and baby. Bm's H,is home FT bc he is retired military.



She has lived house to Couch w the skids since I've been w my Dh. (4.5 years) my Dh has alway kept his home the same for his sons. If BM can't pay for the "more" and it's EQUAL time as my Dh,then maybe she can't afford to have them those 2 weeks and my Dh should have Full custody.



Doesn't that make better sense? Ps,she did buy a home this year finally!:) Dh pays 1900.00 mortgage plus lunch plus cs plus ecas,ect.. she pays 750 for her home. Where is this fair??



(Not speaking to you like this but in general)




Quoting jadedcynic:

That may not be her choice to only work 3 days a week, and I think your husband is doing the right thing taking care of his children. The children's welfare is what is important. Like vintagebikegirl pointed out, she needs more room and more utilities for the children than she would if it were just her.

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