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How much does court hurt the situation

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:13 AM
  • 16 Replies

When 1 parent is always threatening to take you back to court, or always trying to get custody, I think tension is always high. It is really hard to find peace in that situation.

When we were always worried that BM Would ask for custody It was always high tension, we were always worried that anything we did or said would be used against us in court and that made it hard to get along with her and made parenting SD more stressful as well.

Once she finally did take us back to court to try and get custody, she basically tied her own noose and hung herself. Now that that threat isn't hanging over our heads things are easier and its a lot more peaceful. Once SHE accepted that she wouldn't get custody things got even better and we worked better as a team for SD.

So how much does court help or hurt you situation?

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:21 AM
Agree with you. DH has sole custody but BM use to threaten us over everything! Once she took us to court because I was pregnant and according to her we could no longer care for all the kids. Yeah, that didn't go over well. That was back when she first returned and her family was pushing her to get custody of the kids. The last time she went to court, she had a warrant hanging over her head for a year. No more threat.
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by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:25 AM
BMs constant fillings are very stressful. Even though our lawyer is now working pro-Bono (he sees what BM is doing and has the heart to help us out) it still costs us in court fees, GAL, and to subpoena the skids therapists. BM and her lawyer have made multiple threats and statements about bleeding us dry and costing us money. Why can't she see that she is takeing those resources from her own children?! What we spend and what she spends could be spent on a better quality of life for them at her place and ours! The vacation time we all take off to go to court could be spent as quality time with the skids! BM could've taken her kids to Disney land 5 times over what she's spent trying to get custody and changing nothing. I can only preclude that in situations like ours that it is not about the kids it is about control, hate, and/ or resentment. If it was about the skids than that's where the resources would go.
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by Ruby Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:25 AM

I think court helped in settling the main issues. BM saw that the court wasn't going to have DH just pay her all the money she wanted. For DH, he learnt he wouldn't be getting custody so he let that issue go.

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:26 AM

I know that once we are done with court, it will be a lot easier to live day-to-day life without the stress hanging over our heads.  I can't wait.  

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:27 AM
For DH it helped. It has always been tense for him & the first step for court here is mediation. That gave him an avenue to get it all out there. He basically wanted to be more involved...ECs, Dr appt, school stuff. He was also requesting a few more nights per month. The communication has improved on ECs, etc and the GAL recommended that he gets kids more. The kids are happier because they really wanted him involved & it seems like he & XW are co-parenting better.

My XH & I have not been to court since our divorce. We've made one minor change to the placement schedule since...mutually agreed & filed on our own. We all get along well (me, DH, XH, SM).
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by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:29 AM
For us it was a God send. The judge was tough, DHs first attorney was incompetent but once we fired him and found a good or the judge listened. DH got custody all final rights to school decisions and medical decisions. BM got visitation. Things are so much better, for us at least. Now we can just do right by the kids and are not at the mercy of the rages of a drugged out flake...sometimes I feel bad for BM, I ha to do the PU this weekend because DH go stuck in traffic coming back from a fishing trip. She hid in the convenience store crying as her boys hugged me. I know it hurts her to know her kids are being raised 26/30 days a month by another woman. As human and womani can only imagine that must hurt but she's also a grown-up who made her own bad choices and still makes them...still doesn't take responsibility for her kids, puts them at risk on her time, and still chooses men and drugs over them. She's a big girl...she'll have to live with the pain of her loss due to her decisions...she could have had it all for a lifetime...a good man and good kids...a good family...
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by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:27 AM

For my DH it helped. BM tried to make it where he had NO rights from beginning. SHe tried to make him look bad. Courts changed all of that. Judge saw that he had SD best interests and gave him rights. Fast forward a little while and BM finally isn't pissed anymore. Things are starting to settle down with everyone involved. SD is extremely happy and for now, we're all cordial. If courts hadn't been in the picture, things would still be pretty ugly.

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:49 AM

At this moment in time; BM not getting custody has made the everlasting vendetta that much worse.  

by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 12:09 PM

thanks for your is always tring to threaten to take us to court which just makes us laugh...dh has been paying above the stated amount of cs they both agreed to and we now have one skid living with us full time and her amount has not decreased...i live for the day we do go to court and she wastes the little money she has only to learn she won't get any more and in fact may owe us money back! LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:16 PM

 My dh took bm to court 1st because she wouldnt let him see his dh only when it was convient for her but then once she found out we got married she really kept sd away.  So he had no choice but to take her to court he took her to court just for visistation not to take sd away and she really thought that for a while then after the court hearing she realize that you get to have sd leave with you but she is intitled to have a relaationship with her father as well.  Both parents agreed to EOWE at the time sd was berely 1 yrs old but once sd started coming over bonding with us huby felt  like it wasnt enough time with his DD so he took bm back to court for EOWE and every week Wednesday until Thursday night.  He got it granted because the judge felt it was fair and right for sd to have more time with her father...BM hated it so bad she tried to find all types of ways to keep SD away like when she was sick and sd seemed to be sic every weekend that she comes to our home.  So Dh went back to court they informed her rather child is sick or not she is to go to her fathers he is very capitable to care for her.  She claimed she need medicine and all this other crap as if DH didnt know how to get medicaiton for sd or take her to the doctor but Judge was on our side as well.  BM still kept going even tried involving her husband but it didnt get to us so now things are quite and she is allowing sd to come during the times she suppose to and hopefully it stays this way or better.

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