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Huge Problem!! Please Help!!

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:53 PM
  • 15 Replies

DH and I have been married since Nov. He has a DS and DD (my SC) that live in Utah with BM. We are in New Jersey. -What's done is done with this situation and her being there, so I'll just get to the point.

He gets visitation of SD for Halloween and then end of March until she starts kindergarten (this coming Sept). He gets visitation with both SD and SS (he's in school) for 2 or 3 weeks, depending on if it's his holiday for Christmas and 8 weeks in the summer. SD didn't want to travel without her brother (only 2 years apart) and so they agreed to extend summer visitaion to 13 weeks for both and not have Halloween or March with SD. BM pays for the kids airfare both ways and hers to fly them out here. DH pays child support the entire time they are here. He also pays for his airfare to fly them back.

Here's the thing... They didn't come this Christmas. DH was told 1 week before Christmas that BM didn't have the money to send them. August 17th, 2011 was the last time he hugged his children. He also calls every night and 4 out of 5 times, she says she needs to call him back for one reason or another. Half the time she doesn't so he doesn't even talk to them once a day.

There has also been domistic violence in the house.

He took her to court. The judge said she needs to make more of an effort to have the phone calls every night with the children and added 2 weeks on to his summer visitation. But he can't even take them because SD and SS will be starting school. And she admitted to the domestic violence in court, but the judge allowed the children to stay there because she said she was in counseling. Her DH (who pushed her through a wall) is now living with them again.

NOW... She has had his confirmation since March 23th (they need his number so that she can let the airline know they aren't flying back alone) and has not set up airfare yet. They are supposed to be here June 2nd (5 1/2 weeks away). The closer it gets, the more the airfare has gone up ($100 each person for the flight here) and now she is stating her mom is getting it because she can't afford it again. All this after telling DH she got $10,000 back for her tax return and would do it right away.

She keeps promising they are coming but she did that up until the week before Christmas. SS is late to school at least once a week and is absent at least one day every other week for one thing or another. She is on public assistance for food and medical (DH pays for his childrens medical, vision and dental insurance) because she won't get a job and hasn't told the state that she is living with her DH. I say won't get a job because when her and her DH were seperated, she worked the whole time.

I'm not bulking at what he's paying or supplying for the children. DH isn't either, but now he might not see them again! Sorry this is so long, but I need help. We are filing court papers again and just need to get someone else's prospective on this. Please help!!

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ms.Gwen
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:10 PM
As long as you have been carefully documenting everything down to every missed phone call, I'd say you've got a very decent contempt case against BM. File away! That's the only way you're going to effect change for those kids and for DH to stay in their lives!
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Skittles5
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:11 PM
Withholding visitation is against court orders. If they don't come to visit file it with the courts. It's a hassell I know, but sometimes it comes with the territory.

Good luck!
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OurSweetLilLife
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:33 PM

She got a slap on the wrist the last time and that's what I'm afraid of now. This will also be the 2nd time in court in less than a year, for the same exact thing. We can't go without filing, but just don't know how many chances she will get. Everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie. DH still hasn't even gotten SS school pictures he paid for back in October. Every day that he actually talks to her, it's oh, my mom was going to send them out... I forgot... They are in the mail... They came back because of no zip code... They are going out tomorrow.

And the judge doesn't seem to give her any consiquences so she keeps doing it over and over again. Ugh!

Quoting Skittles5:

Withholding visitation is against court orders. If they don't come to visit file it with the courts. It's a hassell I know, but sometimes it comes with the territory.

Good luck!


whatIknownow
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:38 PM
1 mom liked this

I guess I don't understand why DH couldn't pay for the airfair and deduct it from child support?

I know it's not easy and would need a court order to do that. But given her history of missing visits due to not having travel money, wouldn't this solve the problem if you could a modification in the court order?

LivnSimply
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:38 PM
Do you pay child support?
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Skittles5
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:39 PM


Quoting OurSweetLilLife:

She got a slap on the wrist the last time and that's what I'm afraid of now. This will also be the 2nd time in court in less than a year, for the same exact thing. We can't go without filing, but just don't know how many chances she will get. Everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie. DH still hasn't even gotten SS school pictures he paid for back in October. Every day that he actually talks to her, it's oh, my mom was going to send them out... I forgot... They are in the mail... They came back because of no zip code... They are going out tomorrow.

And the judge doesn't seem to give her any consiquences so she keeps doing it over and over again. Ugh!

Quoting Skittles5:

Withholding visitation is against court orders. If they don't come to visit file it with the courts. It's a hassell I know, but sometimes it comes with the territory.

Good luck!


Yeah that sucks.  Sometimes I wish the courts were actually FOR the children like they claim and not just for the biomom.  I think (no real credentials here, just opinion) maybe everytime you take her it will start to add up to look bad on her.  I really wish you guys the best of luck.  It's such a frustrating position to be in and courts are a pain.

OurSweetLilLife
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:54 PM

The judge wouldn't allow it. He said either he pays all airfare (including hers because she flies the kids out here) and child support or we keep it this way. He said there couldn't be a modification just for the summer months.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I guess I don't understand why DH couldn't pay for the airfair and deduct it from child support?

I know it's not easy and would need a court order to do that. But given her history of missing visits due to not having travel money, wouldn't this solve the problem if you could a modification in the court order?


OurSweetLilLife
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:55 PM

DH pays child support all year, even during the summer months when he has them full time.

Quoting LivnSimply:

Do you pay child support?


LivnSimply
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:08 PM
So - a Judge wouldn't allow you to credit CS for airfare? Can you suggest it to her to have the airfare taken out of CS?
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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:22 PM

I feel bad for your DH, but why doesn't he just get the plane tickets himself so he's ASSURED that the kids will be visiting when they should be?

I wasn't responsible to pay for my son's travel when he went to see his dad, but I always paid for it since I could better afford it than his dad could (and we could barely talk let alone get along, but I really wanted our son to have some kind of relationship with his dad).  I'd just go ahead and buy plane tickets for them if I were your DH while waiting for the case to go to court.  It will only make your case better if BM is responsible for their travel costs that the court sees that she isn't holding up her end of the deal because dad is footing the bill.

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