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BM hates me and takes it out on SD!

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:08 PM
  • 14 Replies

 first of all I have never met BM. our schedules just havent matched up, not avoidance. been dating s/o for 5 months.

BM apparently is jealous of me. BM hates that her daughter (15) and I text between visits. just general stuff (how was your day, track meet, i love you).

BM gets an attitude with her daughter when she knows daughter has been texting with me. tells her daughter "you love Robin more than you love me!"

also makes her daughter feel guilty for wanting to spend time with us! says "you always want to spend time with your dad and Robin but not with me!"

SD is caught in the middle trying to make everyone happy! I am so upset!

SD says her mom makes her feel guilty whenever she (daughter) is happy.

s/o stays out of it, which pisses me off! your daughter should not have to defend her feelings for you or me to her mom! your daughter should not be made to feel guilty for wanting to spend time with us! you need to talk to your ex and put her in her place imo! but s/o says that he stays out of it to keep the peace. well your daughter doesnt have any peace in her own house because her mom is constantly making her feel like she needs to chose!

any advice?

 

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
KellyReedy
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:16 PM

Maybe she likes you more than her BM...and it shows why!  She should be glad you aren't a SD (step kid) hater!

She needs to grow up!

Blend in!

packermomof2
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:18 PM
1 mom liked this

stop texting the kid when she is with her mother. 

It is never a good idea to try to "put her in her place" (her could "anyone").  That is not her ex's job and it isn't for you to jump in here.  There could be other things going on there that you don't know about (wrt their relationship)...probably are. 

Mom could be irritated about the phone in general really and sees that only is it her friends, but also dads gf that is making her constantly be attached to the phone.  That is one possibility.  Maybe she doesn't want a gf of 5 months to be all lovey dovey with her kid because of things that have happened in the past with other women that have been brought into the kids life.  Could be anything.

It isn't your battle.

mamaofficer
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:21 PM
Totally Agree!!!!

Quoting packermomof2:

stop texting the kid when she is with her mother. 

It is never a good idea to try to "put her in her place" (her could "anyone").  That is not her ex's job and it isn't for you to jump in here.  There could be other things going on there that you don't know about (wrt their relationship)...probably are. 

Mom could be irritated about the phone in general really and sees that only is it her friends, but also dads gf that is making her constantly be attached to the phone.  That is one possibility.  Maybe she doesn't want a gf of 5 months to be all lovey dovey with her kid because of things that have happened in the past with other women that have been brought into the kids life.  Could be anything.

It isn't your battle.



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ROBIN-C
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:44 PM
2 moms liked this

 SD does NOT want me to stop texting with her! i asked if that would make things better and SD said she wants to keep texting with me, just wont infront of her mom.

adn no its not about SD being on phone. BM has made it very clear that its about me! heck even BM's husband has even called BM out on it because even he sees that BM is being ridiculous and not being fair to SD!

BM has admitted to SD and my s/o that she is jealous of me - so nothing to decode here!

i just hate this! i dont want BM to hate me! i am a good person! i love her daughter! but I am not trying to take BM's place! but i will be honest BM is pushing SD away and in my direction! not my doing, but BM doesnt realise that she is the one pushing her daughter away.

i wont get involved. i will just keep loving SD and be here for her to talk to!

CoochieLibre
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:50 PM

BM does the same thing on this end. Makes the kids feel guilty for enjoying hanging out with me and with their dad. I just ignore her crap and continue to show the kids how awesome I am.

I do think I would refrain from texting SD when she's with mom. That seems intrusive. I don't even call my kids when they're with dad unless it's an extended visit.

ROBIN-C
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:09 PM

 i cant stop texting SD since she asked me to keep texting her.

plus i want SD to know i think about her even when she isnt around! i want to know how track meets went etc! SD likes it that i care and ask her!

she said that she just wont text me infront of her mom and she will delete our conversations. i dont like being secretive but SD needs me to be honest. she has a very strained relationship with her mom. from what i get her mom has littel interest in Sd unless SD is hanging out with other people, even friends. BM doesnt talk with SD unless its to critisize or make feel guilty.

BM is concidering moving 1.5 hours away. if that happens SD will move in with her grandparents so she can stay at same school. if we build a house out there or move out there SD will live with us. she would prefer to live with us, but building a house or moving takes time.

looneytunes290
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:14 PM
1 mom liked this
This may not be what's happening with you guys but my sd's used situations like this to manipulate people- I was their favorite person for a long time- drive their mom bananas - but beware- kids like this sometimes are closest to whoevet it benefits them the mist to be close to. Just sayin- if you are doing much for the kid financially especially be careful- bm may even realize you are being played -
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ROBIN-C
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:31 PM

 no i dont think SD is playing anyone. from what i hear from everyone BM is a control freak and doesnt like her daughter to be happy with anyone else. BM hated that SD got along really great with her boyfriends mom!

when BM finds out we have special plans (like going to six flags) BM changes things and all of the sudden wants her and s/o to have eow agreement, starting that weekend and decides that that is her weekend!

s/o and i are trying so hard to go along with what BM decides, but SD is getting very upset about all of it!

mconnoll
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:43 PM
2 moms liked this

 I totally agree too!  I know it's hard to hear.  We have the same problem here.  I understand how terrible it feels to see the child put in the middle.  It's awful, and to be honest, it will probably get worse before it gets better.  Trust me when I say the more involved you get the worse it will get.  Some things need to be left alone.   It's not fair and it really sucks, but it is what it is.  You can't change crazy!

Quoting mamaofficer:

Totally Agree!!!!

Quoting packermomof2:

stop texting the kid when she is with her mother. 

It is never a good idea to try to "put her in her place" (her could "anyone").  That is not her ex's job and it isn't for you to jump in here.  There could be other things going on there that you don't know about (wrt their relationship)...probably are. 

Mom could be irritated about the phone in general really and sees that only is it her friends, but also dads gf that is making her constantly be attached to the phone.  That is one possibility.  Maybe she doesn't want a gf of 5 months to be all lovey dovey with her kid because of things that have happened in the past with other women that have been brought into the kids life.  Could be anything.

It isn't your battle.



 

packermomof2
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:35 PM

I do not advise encouraging a kid to be secretive like that.  Not a good idea.  The fallout can be worse when/if mom finds out that her daughter is lying and hiding things and that another adult is complicit. 

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