Something I don't understand about BMs

[looneytunes290]

Okay so I am a bm and an sm- one thing I've never been able to understand when reading posts is how some of the BMs absolutely HATE their kids ncsm. My kids have a ncsm and I just can't imagine her being able to do anything that would get me that upset. I mean if it were something illegal that would upset me -and I would call the police, and the kids wouldn't go back until law enforcement said they had to or a judge put me in jail for contempt. (I'm talking about severe abuse or neglect) but here's the thing- I know my ex wouldn't allow our kids to be abused or neglected to the point of it being illegal. He might them be treated a little unfairly- but even then I doubt it. So- what's up. How do BMs that have a problem with everything the sm does justify that as better for the kids?

[2bkayleesmommy]

Don't care to read other post..but I am both a SM and a BM and my daughter's SM and I get along. I also seem to notice the BM tend to be crazy cuz their 1. Jealous, 2, bitter 3. Want to controll their ex somehow some way

[NewDawnFades]

Idk. I'm a bm and sm also. My kids' sm is great. She loves the kids, cares for them when they're there, treats them well. I can't imagine getting all weird if she wanted to be there for major events or be involved in things, just like my df would be and their bd has no problem with that. I guess if she was haviing them call her "mom" or trying to control things she had no business in, i'd have a problem, but she doesn't do any of that. And I consider most things to be her business since she cares for the kids, too. My skids' moms are the same with me...they don't get crazy if I'm involved. Df works so when we have the kids it's me that takes care of them. I talk to bm1 directly, we've known each other since we were 14, though. Bm2 doesn't talk to me unless she comes to get the kids, but she knows df discusses things with me and I'm included in decisions and things. I'm not their mom, like my kids' sm isn't their mom, but we all love the kids and work together the best we can.

[WickdlySweet]

I like my son's sm...shes a great woman.Ive never had an issue with her and ds is very close with her.Ive never felt threatened by that in anyway either.

[stepdiva]

I have to say that with bm I was blessed. I think she waited to talk crap about me til they were older-over 18. DH wouldn't defend me anyway so.... He agreed with my decisions but to avoid being the bad guy, he blamed me. And he wrote them emails to tell them of rules etc. But he didn't enforce them. Bm was more on my side but also didn't step up to be the parent. Does this make sense? I'm pretty bitter about all this. I busted my hump trying to keep the peace and make them happy. It's up to DH to man up and stop the crap! That's called loyalty.

[stepdiva]

Also, I always asked myself "if these were my children would I treat this situation the same way"? I believe you don't treat someone else's kids any differently than you would want yours treated.
Kids need love
and for those Bms who feel
threatened if sm loves their kids, you
the bm will always be their mom. Nothing can change that. And of
cousre the step parent has a
completely different relationship with
the kids. The step parent will never
take mom's place if she's in the
picture.
And for those of you
who show favoritism to your own kids
or are mean to the step kids- shame on you.