Question: What should our family do?
Stay- try to find another job.
Move- Just arrange as much visitation as possible.
Total Votes: 5
Question: What should our family do?
Total Votes: 5
I married my Husband 5 years ago... I had one Daughter who was 6. Her Father has never been involved. My new Husband, well, he had a brood lol.
He had an 11 yr old son that he'd never had contact with- but, did financially support him.
He had 2 daughters from a past engagement ... They were 10 & 8, and lived with their Mother- but, stayed with my husband every weekend and he financially supported them as well.
And, his newest addition was a 6 mo. Old daughter from a brief gf who he only saw for 6hrs every Sunday.
We dated for a year and it seemed our kids were getting along great & adjusting well. I had a blast with his girls and we decided to make it a forever family.
Once we were married & I wasn't just Dad's fun gf, and we had rules and an actual home with structure... The older girls tried to make my Husband choose them or me. My Husband, in the end, tried to explain to the girls that the weekend Dad he had been in the past wasn't good for anyone and as much as he loves them... This is the way things are and just because they don't like the new rules doesn't mean they get to make the decisions. We tried to work through the combo family issues, in the end, he has limited contact with them.
The little one started coming to our house every other weekend + when we got married. She was so little when we met, and I got to be there for all of her major firsts. She called me "Mommy" and her BM said she was ok with this. Her BM was different & obviously had different opinions on raising a child than myself... But, seemed nice & I had always tried to get along with her for our daughter. She moved a lot and dated several men, and couldn't keep a job-but, our daughter always seemed to be loved & cared for.
She had a 2nd baby when my SD was 2 and suddenly it seemed she didn't have time for her nor was she as attentive. In July, our daughter fell out of a shopping cart & broke her arm. In Aug. she was admitted to the hospital for a week- she was sick, dehydrated & had sores all over in her mouth and down her throat. I took a week off work and stayed at the hospital with my SD. Her BM only visited one evening, long enough for me to run home to shower & grab clean clothes.
When she was discharged, she came home with us to recoup. My husband stayed home another week with her. When she returned to her Mother's we had to deal with lice issues everytime she came back for about 2 months... And, finally she treated her house (THANK GOD!) Then, In December, she acquired Pneumonia and couldn't shake it. In part, due to BM not staying on top of her meds & Nebulizers. She came to our home with such a horrible diaper rash, on another occasion & I took her to Urgent Care & they treated her for a Staph infection. The next issue we had was in February, BM called to tell us her Mother & the Mothers boyfriend molested our daughter during a recent overnight stay at their house. My Husband & I were furious... Oddly, BM didn't seem phased. She said it happened a lot in her family, but thought they'd stopped. (Really?!) ***At hat time, there was no custody agreement. In order to keep our daughter safe & protect her, we took her. We filed for full temporary custody & won. Then, went for straight full custody. It was a long, drawn out fight and it came down to $. We just didn't have it. So, we settled and have joint 50/50 custody. (with many stipulations regarding BM's family and her day to day care).***
Over the past 4 years, we've done our best with co-parenting. We have her every other week from Friday to Friday, and the weeks we don't have her, we get her overnight on Tuesday. We disagree a lot with BM on issues such as, her lack of discipline, not dressing her appropriately in clothes that fit, and not reinforcing how important school is. ( she's tardy a lot & misses when she has her). Otherwise, she seems ok while with BM. Actually, she prefers being there. We feel like we have to be strictor and make up for where BM lacks. So, it's almost like good guys (BM) against bad guys (us) when we only have her best interest a heart, and are trying to raise her to be a good, responsible woman.
Financially, we're still recovering from our custody case. My Husband has a great job and I work in Healthcare... But, we barely make it. Unfortunately, my Husband was recently told that his job at a major airline is closing here in a few months. He was given 3 options: 4 wk severance, he could keep his free flight benefits for 5 yrs ( only him), or he can transfer to a major hub. They would give him a moving bonus and cost of living raise. With the poor economy here, the likelihood of him finding another job, especially making what he does... Is very very slim. We're barely getting by now as it is.
We've agreed to consider the transfer option and I've looked to see what the schools, jobs for myself, and housing looks like there... All much better than here! Possibly, the chance of a lifetime with a lot of opportunities for us.
One issue, major issue- my SD. We couldn't do 50/50 custody from 4 hrs away! We don't have the $ to fight for more, and BM won't just let us have her.
Please tell me what we should do....
Also, those of you with the other parent living far away- what is your custody arrangement?