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new and confussed stepmom, please help!

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:07 PM
  • 15 Replies

My boyfriend and I,  were only together a couple months before we found out i was pregnant. We love eachother so much and are very happy and excited. I already have a son who is 2 1/2 and he has a daughter who is 1 1/2. I have my son full time, but he only gets his dauther MAYBE one weekend a month. We agree that we love all the kids the same, and will treat them all equally. But everytime his daughter goes back home he is upset at me for doing something wrong. Today, he asked why i didnt play with her like i do my son, I told him I just dont like to take time away from him and her and that shes younger and just cant do everything my son can. But really sometimes i just dont know how to act when shes around, Its hard to have a close bond with her when i see her so rarely and since shes so young. Plus i have a boy who loves rough houseing and getting dirty, i have noidea how to play with a girl. I dont know how to explain this to my boyfriend/BD without him feeling like i dont love and care for her. Any suggestions?

by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CoochieLibre
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:10 PM

Wrestle with her, too. My daughter always liked roughhousing and getting dirty. :)

squeakersmama
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:16 PM
I agree. My sd is 2.5 and my dd is 1.5 and they love to play together! I'd encourage them to play. It will be good for both of them! At this age Imo there isn't much difference in how boys and girls play.

Quoting CoochieLibre:

Wrestle with her, too. My daughter always liked roughhousing and getting dirty. :)

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ame4c
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:17 PM

Little girls really aren't much different than little boys at that age.  You just need to get to know her and play with her too. 

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:02 PM
2 moms liked this
So you have been together a couple of months, that means you have met this child a couple of times. Your fiance should not expect your relationship with her to be the same as your sons. You barely know her. The sad truth is that neither does he. My guess is he is angry/hurt/jealous/ ashamed that he does not have the same relationship with his daughter that you have with your son and he is projecting that on to you.

Let me ask you this - why does he only see his daughter once a month?
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chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:10 PM
1 mom liked this
First, bf needs to check his expectations. You won't have the same relationship with a step as you do with a bio.

And you won't have the same relationship with a kid you see less frequently as you do with one you do.

He may have "insta family" expectations. Tell him families can take up to 7 years or more to blend.

But if you are holding back, it's time to get in there and figure out how to play with this girl. Get that early foundation. It makes a difference.

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Marie9076
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:12 PM
I agree with this!


Quoting chanizen:

First, bf needs to check his expectations. You won't have the same relationship with a step as you do with a bio.



And you won't have the same relationship with a kid you see less frequently as you do with one you do.



He may have "insta family" expectations. Tell him families can take up to 7 years or more to blend.



But if you are holding back, it's time to get in there and figure out how to play with this girl. Get that early foundation. It makes a difference.




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Faeta
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 11:02 PM
1 mom liked this

My dd is 16 months old, almost. She LOVES those megablocks!!! Its got an age range for 1 to 3 years and its something that all four of you can do together, or even the two kids together.  

I'm not sure about the prices everywhere, but the walmart near where I live still had a ton of the Christmas stock left over they slashed the prices ridiculously.  I picked up a few of the 100 piece box sets for 5 dollars a piece.   But even not on sale, they are a really neat little thing for kids that age regardless of sex.


my4loves4
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 5:58 PM

between work, and being in the military, his baby mama, and we live 3 hours away so its all we get

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 6:14 PM

Honestly, I think you should re-think your plan to "treat them all equally." You are custodial of your son while he is noncustodial of his daughter. It is more complicated than "treat them all equally." He should focus on her when she is with him, because she is not with him that much.  And, you can't have as close a bond with her because (1) she's not your child, and (2) you only see her 2 days a month. It's unreasonable to expect you to bond with her right away. You only just met her.

Your expectations of the insta-family are unrealistic and you will fail, and you will be angry and resentful. Instead I suggest having more realistic expectations.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 6:16 PM


Quoting chanizen:

First, bf needs to check his expectations. You won't have the same relationship with a step as you do with a bio.

And you won't have the same relationship with a kid you see less frequently as you do with one you do.

He may have "insta family" expectations. Tell him families can take up to 7 years or more to blend.

But if you are holding back, it's time to get in there and figure out how to play with this girl. Get that early foundation. It makes a difference.

wow. I wrote pretty much the same thing and I had not read this reply yet.

Stop stealing my thoughts before I think them.

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