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Does your DH clear plans with kids BM?

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 just wondering if this is common or not.

when we have Sd (15) her mom demands that my s/o tell her what our plans are. for example earlier this week s/o told his ex that we might be going to six flags on Sat, but we didnt know for sure because of weather. friday night comes and SD tells her dad that he must call her mom and tell her what we are doing or she cant go. seriously?

so s/o calls his ex and tells her yes we are going to six flags and then all coming to my house for rest of weekend. his ex goes on and on about why are we going when its gonna rain all day? (we checked hourly weather and it didnt rain til after we left six flags at 4:30.) he asked his ex why did it matter what our plans were and she told him " i want to know where my daughter will be when a stranger (me) is driving her around!" s/o told her that I am not a stranger by any means! that i have been in their daughters life consistantly for 5 months!

so does your DH have to tell their ex what your plans with his kids are?

obviously s/o doesnt HAVE to tell his ex, but if he doesnt she will make life hell for their daughter!

personally i just think she wants to be nosey and controling (tried to talk s/o out of us going to six flags), i dont think it has anything to do with her being concerned about her 15 year old daughter with me except for the fact that she openly doesnt like me!

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:14 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 4:34 AM
Nope-his time, his plans. BM does ask SS what did during the day, though. I think this is one of the few things she knows better than to cause a fight over.

So OP, how can BM enforce the "You can't go!" mentality if it's not on her time?
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by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 5:10 AM
Being a BM, I would say that she is just being controlling and possibly jealous. It would make sense if it were a long trip or out of town or something or to make sure her daughter is behaving or something but to have to know all of the plans? That is a little bit drastic. I would be frustrated if u were you too.

And when I found out that my DD's BD was dating someone, I just asked if I could meet her so I could know who was around my daughter, etc. at that time (she was 2). There was no animosity at all, just a friendly hello so I knew who she was hanging out with!

Good luck...
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 7:06 AM
No our bm doesn't but calls the kids each night to say goodnight and asks them what they did that say. I don't feel this is noisy, she has my right to know and be interested in their life...all I will say is that five months is not s long time so take it easy on bm. Plus you haven't been around long so perhaps there was something that dh did or took them to that she disagreed with which is why you are where you are with her...remember there are three sides to every story. I am sure there is a reason why she feels she has to ask....just sit back and watch for now. Don't get annoyed just don't desk with it
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 8:45 AM

wow smh your BM is certifiable dear. We get SS5 and DH's SD10 (yes BM's daughter from a previous relationship) every weekend/holiday/school break/summer and she never asks us our plans unless it's up in casual conversation because she TRUSTS us to be responsible with the kids

by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:10 AM

the only time we have to tell her is if we are leaving the state , 6 weeks prior and in writing. she is supposed to do the same but never does. dh is now holding her to this, now that is it summer  she sends ss with her parents eowe to go camping in another state. we found out from ss bm confirmed it also that ss was missing from gm care  till after midnight on more than one occaision last was 8 yrs old and they had no clue where he was!

being nice dh informed  bm we are planning a family  trip to disney.(my family) for the end of the summer. bm said no ss could not go. unless we pay to have her go. there is no way in he%% we will pay for her to go. i dont want her on MY familys trip. if she thinks she is getting a free trip to disney on us she is smoking more crack than we know about.

but with my dd i dont need to inform xh. he hasnt seen her , doesnt care to see her . his sister takes her on a week long vacation every summer,just the 2 of them(xsil wasnt able to have kids and her and dd are very close) she doesnt even tell her brother . not that he would fuss about it.

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:15 AM
1 mom liked this

5 months is not very long. 

However with that said, I do think she's being controlling. And the kid is 15... I could see her concern a little more of the child were 2 or 3. 

In fact you would think she would just as the 15yo herself what she is doing.

So it's weird.

by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:56 AM

SD BM tried that at first, she said we couldn't take her anywhere (even to the park) without her permission. She tried to control everything that went on with SD. Well we just ignored her and did whatever we wanted to do- if we wanted to go swimming, we took SD swimming, kwim? The only time we ever told BM what our plans were was when we went out of state (that's what is in the CO). This went on for about a year or two before BM realized that it was getting her nowhere and only causing SD to be uncomfortable around her BM. She would question SD over the phone, in person if we saw her out and about, etc.

Now this summer we are going out of the country with SD and my kids and BM has been fine with it. She now trusts me with SD and that has helped a lot. Sometimes it just takes time. As a previous poster said, 5 months is not a long time.  Hopefully it will get better, it did in my situation. Good luck!

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:16 AM
No. Dh is Cp and he doesn't ask what Bm does on her time. Does he trust her? No but it's not like she couldn't make stuff up.
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by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:28 AM

BM wants to know what we're doing because she is nosey, controlling, and wants to find out if it's going to interfere with her plans.  If our plans don't suit her, she readily lets us know how disappointed she is.  I don't really care what she thinks, it's just amazing to me that she is so arrogant to assume that I do.

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:17 PM


Quoting theshanster17:

Nope-his time, his plans. BM does ask SS what did during the day, though. I think this is one of the few things she knows better than to cause a fight over.

So OP, how can BM enforce the "You can't go!" mentality if it's not on her time?

 well for example s/o use to get his daughter part of every weekend, usually all of every weekend.... til i came into the picture. when BM felt her daughter was spending too much time with me and her daughter liked me - then BM out of the blue demanded that they go to every other weekend!

one weekend when BM had daughter and it was BM's other daughter birthday. BM knew we had big plans for the next weeknd for st patricks day. BM had their daughter call her dad and tell him that her sister was sick and that they would be doing bday celebrations the following weeknd - our weekend with big plans - his daughter was so upset. then suddenly her sister got better so they decided to go ahead and go to chuck e cheese. ok cool so our plans for the next weekend were still on... OH BUT WAIT! they went to chuck e cheese and it was too crowded so they left and said they would go the following weekend, again our weekend.

another time we were going to go to six flags (good friday) and s/o told BM the weekend before. all of sudden BM makes plans to go visit her family out of town that weekend! BM said they were leaving friday morning and come back monday. they left Sat morning and came back THAT night! she just tries to mess up our plans when she knows about them in advance.

of course there is nothing she cuold actually do once their daughter is with her dad about not letting their daughter go to an event with us... BUT she would definatly make s/o and their daughters life hell once she (bm) found out! and make things horrid for further visits!

odd thing is that on paper s/o actually has 50/50 but currently BM only lets him see daughter every other weekend @@! we cant wait for summer time when school and track etc arent an issue!


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