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Does your DH clear plans with kids BM?

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 just wondering if this is common or not.

when we have Sd (15) her mom demands that my s/o tell her what our plans are. for example earlier this week s/o told his ex that we might be going to six flags on Sat, but we didnt know for sure because of weather. friday night comes and SD tells her dad that he must call her mom and tell her what we are doing or she cant go. seriously?

so s/o calls his ex and tells her yes we are going to six flags and then all coming to my house for rest of weekend. his ex goes on and on about why are we going when its gonna rain all day? (we checked hourly weather and it didnt rain til after we left six flags at 4:30.) he asked his ex why did it matter what our plans were and she told him " i want to know where my daughter will be when a stranger (me) is driving her around!" s/o told her that I am not a stranger by any means! that i have been in their daughters life consistantly for 5 months!

so does your DH have to tell their ex what your plans with his kids are?

obviously s/o doesnt HAVE to tell his ex, but if he doesnt she will make life hell for their daughter!

personally i just think she wants to be nosey and controling (tried to talk s/o out of us going to six flags), i dont think it has anything to do with her being concerned about her 15 year old daughter with me except for the fact that she openly doesnt like me!

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:14 AM
Replies (21-30):
ROBIN-C
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:22 PM

 and BM calls all the time when SD is with us.... just to be nosey and see what we are doing. SD gets in trouble if she doesnt answer her phone when BM calls... to the extent that SD was so worried that BM would call while we were at six flags and she wouldnt hear her phone. BM just needs to chill out and let her daughter have fun!

thatislife
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:34 PM

Nope, my dh does not do this. Your bf has trained bm that this conduct is acceptable.

ROBIN-C
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:39 PM

 

Quoting thatislife:

Nope, my dh does not do this. Your bf has trained bm that this conduct is acceptable.

 i totally agree and have addressed that with s/o. but he says he goes along with it to keep the peace, because he doesnt want BM to lash out at their daughter when she goes back.... which she does anyway, but it would be worse. trust me SD does NOT approve of what her mom does, BM is pushing her daughter away.

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:39 PM

We don't clear any of our plans with the girls unless we want to have them during the time she's supposed to have them...and then we don't really clear it with her, we just TELL her what we're doing and unless SHE has plans with them, (which has never happened) we don't really have to ask because she's ok with having the kids less days.  She does the same with us.

theshanster17
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:55 PM


Quoting ROBIN-C:

 well for example s/o use to get his daughter part of every weekend, usually all of every weekend.... til i came into the picture. when BM felt her daughter was spending too much time with me and her daughter liked me - then BM out of the blue demanded that they go to every other weekend!

one weekend when BM had daughter and it was BM's other daughter birthday. BM knew we had big plans for the next weeknd for st patricks day. BM had their daughter call her dad and tell him that her sister was sick and that they would be doing bday celebrations the following weeknd - our weekend with big plans - his daughter was so upset. then suddenly her sister got better so they decided to go ahead and go to chuck e cheese. ok cool so our plans for the next weekend were still on... OH BUT WAIT! they went to chuck e cheese and it was too crowded so they left and said they would go the following weekend, again our weekend.

another time we were going to go to six flags (good friday) and s/o told BM the weekend before. all of sudden BM makes plans to go visit her family out of town that weekend! BM said they were leaving friday morning and come back monday. they left Sat morning and came back THAT night! she just tries to mess up our plans when she knows about them in advance.

of course there is nothing she cuold actually do once their daughter is with her dad about not letting their daughter go to an event with us... BUT she would definatly make s/o and their daughters life hell once she (bm) found out! and make things horrid for further visits!

odd thing is that on paper s/o actually has 50/50 but currently BM only lets him see daughter every other weekend @@! we cant wait for summer time when school and track etc arent an issue!

 

I don't think I read this, but what is the CO'd visitation schedule like? Is there a set visitation schedule or is it general and says visitation will be agreed by both?

ROBIN-C
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:01 PM

 

Quoting theshanster17:

 

Quoting ROBIN-C:

 well for example s/o use to get his daughter part of every weekend, usually all of every weekend.... til i came into the picture. when BM felt her daughter was spending too much time with me and her daughter liked me - then BM out of the blue demanded that they go to every other weekend!

one weekend when BM had daughter and it was BM's other daughter birthday. BM knew we had big plans for the next weeknd for st patricks day. BM had their daughter call her dad and tell him that her sister was sick and that they would be doing bday celebrations the following weeknd - our weekend with big plans - his daughter was so upset. then suddenly her sister got better so they decided to go ahead and go to chuck e cheese. ok cool so our plans for the next weekend were still on... OH BUT WAIT! they went to chuck e cheese and it was too crowded so they left and said they would go the following weekend, again our weekend.

another time we were going to go to six flags (good friday) and s/o told BM the weekend before. all of sudden BM makes plans to go visit her family out of town that weekend! BM said they were leaving friday morning and come back monday. they left Sat morning and came back THAT night! she just tries to mess up our plans when she knows about them in advance.

of course there is nothing she cuold actually do once their daughter is with her dad about not letting their daughter go to an event with us... BUT she would definatly make s/o and their daughters life hell once she (bm) found out! and make things horrid for further visits!

odd thing is that on paper s/o actually has 50/50 but currently BM only lets him see daughter every other weekend @@! we cant wait for summer time when school and track etc arent an issue!

 

I don't think I read this, but what is the CO'd visitation schedule like? Is there a set visitation schedule or is it general and says visitation will be agreed by both?

 to be honest i am not sure. i havent seen it or asked for specifics. s/o just says that he has 50/50. its a very touchy subject so i dont pry too often. i know that s/o and his daughter arent happy with how BM runs the show but both are worried about what she will do if they dont play along.

Kholt
by Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:14 PM

I seriously doubt either parent is going to take the child somewhere unfir like drunken orgies or what not (at least I hope) but thats it  THE ONLY REASON i do everything with my x when he has time with kids is because he doesnt have a lisence so I drive them. Granted he sees kids for 4 days every 2 yrs. (not either of our choice or CO just thats how it works out with his job and finances)  this past year i went and stayed with them for visitation but actually got to sit and enjoy a book alot of the time bc DD is 16 and has lisence. She has driving curfew tho so i was there for any late night driving.  If he had them tho away from me i wouldnt even ask his plans. There are a few relatives of his that are toxic to the children that i ask him to avoid when the kids are there or to be in large enough group (family re union) that they dont have to engage in convo with these individuals. But thats at his discretion also. If he doesnt take my advice he can deal with fall out  his choice.

theshanster17
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:15 PM


Quoting ROBIN-C:

Quoting theshanster17:

I don't think I read this, but what is the CO'd visitation schedule like? Is there a set visitation schedule or is it general and says visitation will be agreed by both?

 to be honest i am not sure. i havent seen it or asked for specifics. s/o just says that he has 50/50. its a very touchy subject so i dont pry too often. i know that s/o and his daughter arent happy with how BM runs the show but both are worried about what she will do if they dont play along.

I truly hope that he has a CO'd visitation schedule. It will save you guys a lot drama and headaches. If he doesn't have one, I hope he'll consider going to court for it.

DH and BM's original CO said "Visitation will be agreed upon both parties." BM took that to mean that she controlled visitation, which she did because she could always not agree to what DH was proposing. He had to ask very nicely in order to ensure that SS would come out to visit. When he took BM to court to get a set schedule, it got rid of a lot of headaches for us, and it assured SS that he would see DH again because when he would leave, he would never know when he would be coming back again.BM would still pull the "SS said he doesn't want to come!" BS, but that's all she did.

Your SO doesn't have much to lose if he filed for a set schedule--BM is already still controlling visits, and will continue to because there are no repercussions to changing whenever she wants to.

pokey-pwa
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:23 PM
DH doesn't tell her but she drills the kids every night when she talks to them. Asking what we did that day, what did they eat, who was with them all day, what did they watch on tv...etc etc. Then she starts in on what are we doing tomorrow, are we visiting anyone, are we going to church, are we eating out...etc etc. If it was purely out of curiosity then that'd be fine but when the kids tell her we are going to a movie, she tries to convince them it would be more fun with her. If they tell her we went to the park and dad taught them how to hit a baseball she whines (literally) about how she wanted to reach them that and dad shouldn't have. So...I feel your pain...
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looneytunes290
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:30 PM
I have a story- several yrs ago when my kids were still pretty young like maybe 7 and 9 - my ex got remarried. To a very nice lady. They dated for a year or so beforehand- while they were dating he saw the kids once every couple months- bit he was working away so sure it seemed understandable to her that he didn't see them often. Before that my children hadn't seen him in about a year, with maybe 2 phone calls- before that not much more- bottom line is that really the kids didn't even remember him getting them for visitation at all because he would simply disappear for months at a time all the years before he remarried. Soooo anyway the first thanksgiving he and he were together he wanted to take the kids for a little while he told me. Okay I asked how long they would be gone etc- he said just a little while- 3 hours later I was terrified that he had taken off with my kids- he finally answers his cell and I asked him where they were- they has traveled 2 hours away and were having thanksgiving dinner with her family- I told him that he had two hours to get them home before I called the police- and I would have too- he was years behind on child support- anyway- to her I seemed like a witch- she didn't realize it was the first time in YEARS that this man had even asked to see his kids- or that visitation was my discretion. So fast forward a couple months- its spring time - and I get a call from sm- asking get this- of my nine and seven yr old could spend the summer with them when they moved- 23 hours away! Seriously- it was sad when I asked- do you know that bd has only supervised visitation at my discretion. And she didn't he had the old original orders that gave him every weekend overnight visits- (that he never took advantage of so I went to court and got it changed during one of his absences) anyway it had been in effect for years- it had never came up before because he had never asked for the kids. Anyway- she had spent a lOng time thinking I was some kind of controlling witch when really I am nicer than most women in my situation - guess my point is sometimes things are not as they appear- they were together for two years before the woman even found out he had NO rights- its really sad cuz she is nice-
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