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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

I'm just Kelly after all!

Posted by on May. 1, 2012 at 2:59 PM
  • 13 Replies

So, I've been with my husband 8.5 years.  Give or take.  Been in my skid's life since youngest was 18 mo old.  And they've lived with us past 5 years.

Fast Forward....mom gets boyfriend (2nd or 3rd now).  Nice guy.  They are now engaged.

So 2 nights ago she is telling us a story of what they did and referred to him as papa.  My DH and I both were like HUH? So I asked her who is papa?  And she says _ _ _ _ _.  I say ohhh ok.  She says yeah, he's like my dad so we call him papa.

No big deal....my DH doesn't have a problem cause he is a good guy (FINALLY SHE GOT ONE!)  But kind of a slap in MY face.  He's only been in the picture a little while.  I've been here her whole life.  They say I'm "just Kelly, just their step mom."  But he's their soon to be step dad and want to call him papa and papa's ok with it. BAM!  Kinda hurt my feelings, tho maybe it shouldn't???

She has called me mom on a RARE occasion, but only if she wants something.  Whatever...I'm not their mom, but I do way more than BM, I'm ALWAYS around.  Just kinda a shock value to us both.  And yes SS12 refers to him that too.

**sigh**sad

Blend in!

by on May. 1, 2012 at 2:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
angelmommy2806
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:10 PM
*hugs* I'm sorry. I don't have much advice other than Bm just doesn't care how you'd feel about the situation.
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KellyReedy
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:16 PM

No, and sadly, neither do the kids.  But, I'm a big girl.  It is what it is.

newstepmom61811
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:26 PM
4 moms liked this

I'm sorry, names don't mean much, what matters is what's in the heart and how you interact everyday.  My SKs have a tumultuous relationship with BM, they want so badly for her to be taken care of because she can't take care of herself, much less them, they get so excited at every new guy, plus it's a little new excitement each time, someone fun to meet and do cool stuff with, someone trying to impress them.  I've been here though, I'm the steady, they know I fix their booboo's, feed them, tuck them in at night, help them with school, cheer on their sports, dry their tears, laugh at their jokes.  A couple of nights ago we took a walk around our lake to look at a mama duck and her ducklings, We sat under a big oak shade tree, I had a SS laying on each side of me with their heads in my lap watching, SD sitting listening to her iPod, DH fishing, my cup runneth over.  I'm just SM and I still get the best of this man and his kids no matter what I'm called...Never forget your place in their lives and hearts Kelly, your NAME is forever etched in their hearts, you are their one and only precious Kelly, their steady, loving, ever-present, one and only Kelly, who else do you need to be? Walk proud, live big, love hard, cry harder, smile the biggest in the room, and in the end die proud having truly lived, feeling, caring, living, and loving!

KellyReedy
by on May. 1, 2012 at 4:53 PM

THANK YOU!


Quoting newstepmom61811:

I'm sorry, names don't mean much, what matters is what's in the heart and how you interact everyday.  My SKs have a tumultuous relationship with BM, they want so badly for her to be taken care of because she can't take care of herself, much less them, they get so excited at every new guy, plus it's a little new excitement each time, someone fun to meet and do cool stuff with, someone trying to impress them.  I've been here though, I'm the steady, they know I fix their booboo's, feed them, tuck them in at night, help them with school, cheer on their sports, dry their tears, laugh at their jokes.  A couple of nights ago we took a walk around our lake to look at a mama duck and her ducklings, We sat under a big oak shade tree, I had a SS laying on each side of me with their heads in my lap watching, SD sitting listening to her iPod, DH fishing, my cup runneth over.  I'm just SM and I still get the best of this man and his kids no matter what I'm called...Never forget your place in their lives and hearts Kelly, your NAME is forever etched in their hearts, you are their one and only precious Kelly, their steady, loving, ever-present, one and only Kelly, who else do you need to be? Walk proud, live big, love hard, cry harder, smile the biggest in the room, and in the end die proud having truly lived, feeling, caring, living, and loving!


cc77
by on May. 1, 2012 at 4:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow... this sounds like my sitch.  I have been around for since SD was 1 and she called me "mom" or something similar when she was like 3 and BM went balistic.  She never called me that again.  I did not care and it was never an issue.  Last summer BM brings a guy to move in and they recently got married.  SD calls him "dad" because he is like her dad at her BM's house she tells me.  Then she tells me she is not allowed to call me mom or even step mom, my son, she is not allowed to say he is her brother, and even her sisters have to refered to as 1/2 sisters at BM's. 

When I heard this I was hurt, but it is the BM's doing.  SD told me that I am like her mom at her dad's and she says that her brother is her brother and her sisters are her sisters, but her BM just won't let her refer to them as such there.  This helped me because I realized SD calling this guy that will probably be around a year or two dad means nothing because SD is just trying yet again to make her BM happy.  It has nothing to do with how SD feels or loves each person.

Good Luck.  Been there and understand your hurt:(

KellyReedy
by on May. 1, 2012 at 7:20 PM

I don't think BM tells them not to call me mom, tho I'm sure it's been brought up and she discouraged it.  They would make it VERY clear to people I'd run into that they were my STEP KIDS, not my REAL KIDS!  WHAT?  you are fake?  Are you plastic?  

And of course, everyone knew they werte not "my" bio kids.  But I didn't want to single them out so they felt like the evil step children.  

So much for that, huh?


jessiesluv
by on May. 1, 2012 at 7:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Totally understand what you mean and Im sorry to hear that! Hugs!

But think of it this way, even if they don't have that special name for you, they know you care and know you are the one who has been there for them all this time :)


KellyReedy
by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:55 PM

Yes, this I do know...or HOPE they do at least!  They have been overly disrespectful lately and hearing that just really put me in a slump.

KellyReedy
by on May. 2, 2012 at 1:57 AM

Going to bed.  Just gunna forget i'm not good enough to have a "parental" name pinned too.  ha ha ?ha?

MamaK313
by on May. 2, 2012 at 6:50 AM
My s-kids don't even see me as stepmom, they see me as their dad's wife or their brothers' mom. I feel pretty much invisible when it comes to them.?
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