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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central
I entered this marriage with no idea of all the emotionI entered this marriage with no idea of all the emotions and situations I will be facing or dealing with.
Some of this, I have dificulty dealing with and resulted to my anxiety and panic attacks.and I try my best to avoid it.
I have learned not to have expectations anymore. the only expectation I demand is respect. It became easier to deal with the complexities of stepfamily if you have low expectations. I stop beating myself because I couldnt love my stepkids the way I love my own kids and just let it go. It made it easier to interact with my stepkids, I dont feel forced to show fake fondness. Our relationship isnt the same as my relationship with my own kids but it doesnt mean I dont love or care for them, after all they are the kids of the man I fell inlove with. I decided to let time do its job in binding our hearts and let the relationship bloom on its own.
Unfortunately my husband expects me to love them as my own biokids. And because I couldnt, accuses me of hating them. I do not hate my stepkids, but its wrong to force love. I dont expect my stepkids to love me as much as they love their real parents. seems like my husband wants us to live like an intact, nuclear family but stepfamily dynamics is way way more different than an intact one. I feel awful now, like I was an evil stepmother, a selfish person.

UPDATE:
Hes playing mind game.. He brought out a big bag, I thought he was moving out..im thinking..ok as soon as he leaves, ill file for custody of our babies. But it turned out to be old baby clothes.. Yeah.. He put them on a travelling bag and left in front of the door, waited few hours before saying these are old baby clothes. Then helping to cook while im feeding the baby, and try to start conversation but its strained.even bought my fave dunkin donuts and ice cream.. But he avoid talking about the problem, no explanation, no apologies. I do the normal thing I do everyday and try to keep my normal cheerful self.then last night sd12 text him asking if she can bring friend for sleepover, I dont really mind but you know whos gonna take care of them, the evil stepmother while daddy hang out with creepy neighbor outside..
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by on May. 2, 2012 at 7:58 AM
Replies (61-69):
findingserenity
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:17 AM
1 mom liked this
Unfortunately he is


Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting findingserenity:

Well youre lucky with your hubby.. Mine probly left his former home because he cant control his girls, married an asian, thinking im more submissive and that he can have the upper hand.. Uh not anymore! Honestly I got so tired that I decided to disengaged from step and focus on my bio.. Anything concerning bm or sk,thats husband thing, if it will affect me or my kiddos, I engaged. I hate the sk anyway,. According to daddy, so they can live their lives and me and my kiddos will live our own.


Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting findingserenity:

She actually is the one who wants to sleep with daddy but daddy cant say no or else she will cry..imagine a 12yo crying cause shes scared to sleep alone.. Haiisst... Yeah...

Oh if u will kidnap me, can you take my dd and ds too?





Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting findingserenity:

I told husband bout it, told sd bout it. Atleast she doesnt hang on this creepy neighbor anymore. bm has string of 'dates' that she keeps bringing to her house, young guys, suicidal separated guys, old guys... But im not to judge her, instead of teaching and focusing on her young daughter who needs a female mentor to teach how to grow up a proper or decent lady... Haiissttt.. And daddy needs to let her know of boundary in bed. Oh well











Does SD12 agree to always sleep with her father? Or is she always willing? That's just too many red flags for me-common courtesy-keep your body covered.

And if BM can't parent her daughter and DH refuses to-congrats-you just may have a teen mom on your hands sooner then later.

This is just overall fcking creepy. May I suggest THERAPY or CPS?! Perhaps a personal visit from Dr Phil McGraw. OMG I wish I could kidnap you right now.



frustratedSD11 pulls that crap too-only with her  it's "I"m afraid of the dark" never mind the MINI FLOODLIGHT on DD's bed that gives off light during the night and the hall light we leave on so the kids can go potty safely

Dh straight up tells her-go to bed and if she tries to have her plop-n-drop tantrums-she gets her ass thumped and tossed into bed.

Sure! bring your kiddies! I got plenty of room for them! What's another 2 kids to add to my zoo :P Ya'll can take the playroom/attic :) walk in close +crawlspace




Your Dh is a douche bag plain and simple.


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EmilyMarshall
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:20 AM
bump


findingserenity
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:51 AM
Stupid mental game.. I wont buy it anymore
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stepdiva
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2012 at 2:04 PM
That's essentially what you sign up for when there are sks. I sure wasn't prepared for it. Everything changed after we got married. My DH says they are my kids just as though I gave birth to them, and it's just not true. They know it, and I know it. My DH also thinks everything should bs just like a nuclear family. Good luck.
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findingserenity
by on May. 3, 2012 at 2:21 PM
These men.. I think they need reality check.. Or atleast told us they expect us to fall inlove with their kids.
Nuclear family is way different from step.. Obviously.we dont start with clear slate, theres ex to consider.stepfamily is birn out of loss and death of the former family or union.and I just realized we stepmoms is the final axe that kills the dreams of stepkids to have mommy and daddy together again.


Quoting stepdiva:

That's essentially what you sign up for when there are sks. I sure wasn't prepared for it. Everything changed after we got married. My DH says they are my kids just as though I gave birth to them, and it's just not true. They know it, and I know it. My DH also thinks everything should bs just like a nuclear family. Good luck.

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ShannaBee
by on May. 3, 2012 at 5:33 PM

Understood. Dealt with a lot of the same things/emotions and all during the first bit of my relationship and being a SM. I learned to communicate. Thank God my husband is understanding and one of those men who are willing to change to help remedy relationship problems.

findingserenity
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:08 PM
I try to explain to him that sk have two capable parents so for me to act like their mother is unnecessary. Hes a stepfather to sd20 but sd20 real father is absent on her life so he has to step up and be a daddy.he doesnt understand.and hes having self denial bout the issue with me and sd20.he refuses to open his eyes but me, heck no, I simply dont trust her.


Quoting ShannaBee:

Understood. Dealt with a lot of the same things/emotions and all during the first bit of my relationship and being a SM. I learned to communicate. Thank God my husband is understanding and one of those men who are willing to change to help remedy relationship problems.


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nmaxwell816
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:22 PM

I am agreeing with this part of this response

Quoting newwife1:

It's not evil to not love someone. It's ridiculous to expect someone to love their child like that. If it happens and you end up loving the kid, then great. If not, as long as you are kind and respectful that is all that matters.



stepdiva
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2012 at 11:10 PM

Yes, we are the reality of the sks parent's divorce or breakup.  They have to resent us on some level if their moms are involved in their lives at all.  Being a step parent is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, or will ever have to do again.  I am pretty sure that if I were to remarry, I wouldn't marry a man with minor children, and I'd look at the adult children dynamic real close before I officially commit.  Kids are, or can be, vicious.  Mine, for the most part, weren't.  They just didn't respect my boundaries, and if you told them "no", it was on.  As the result, they think the world owes them a living, and that rules don't apply to them.  
I never say never because I swore I'd never get married again, and along comes DH, and because of his minor children, we tied the knot.  Ever hear that expression, I don't make mistakes, I marry them?  That is me to a tee.   lol 

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