Some of this, I have dificulty dealing with and resulted to my anxiety and panic attacks.and I try my best to avoid it.
I have learned not to have expectations anymore. the only expectation I demand is respect. It became easier to deal with the complexities of stepfamily if you have low expectations. I stop beating myself because I couldnt love my stepkids the way I love my own kids and just let it go. It made it easier to interact with my stepkids, I dont feel forced to show fake fondness. Our relationship isnt the same as my relationship with my own kids but it doesnt mean I dont love or care for them, after all they are the kids of the man I fell inlove with. I decided to let time do its job in binding our hearts and let the relationship bloom on its own.
Unfortunately my husband expects me to love them as my own biokids. And because I couldnt, accuses me of hating them. I do not hate my stepkids, but its wrong to force love. I dont expect my stepkids to love me as much as they love their real parents. seems like my husband wants us to live like an intact, nuclear family but stepfamily dynamics is way way more different than an intact one. I feel awful now, like I was an evil stepmother, a selfish person.
Hes playing mind game.. He brought out a big bag, I thought he was moving out..im thinking..ok as soon as he leaves, ill file for custody of our babies. But it turned out to be old baby clothes.. Yeah.. He put them on a travelling bag and left in front of the door, waited few hours before saying these are old baby clothes. Then helping to cook while im feeding the baby, and try to start conversation but its strained.even bought my fave dunkin donuts and ice cream.. But he avoid talking about the problem, no explanation, no apologies. I do the normal thing I do everyday and try to keep my normal cheerful self.then last night sd12 text him asking if she can bring friend for sleepover, I dont really mind but you know whos gonna take care of them, the evil stepmother while daddy hang out with creepy neighbor outside..