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I entered this marriage with no idea of all the emotionI entered this marriage with no idea of all the emotions and situations I will be facing or dealing with.
Some of this, I have dificulty dealing with and resulted to my anxiety and panic attacks.and I try my best to avoid it.
I have learned not to have expectations anymore. the only expectation I demand is respect. It became easier to deal with the complexities of stepfamily if you have low expectations. I stop beating myself because I couldnt love my stepkids the way I love my own kids and just let it go. It made it easier to interact with my stepkids, I dont feel forced to show fake fondness. Our relationship isnt the same as my relationship with my own kids but it doesnt mean I dont love or care for them, after all they are the kids of the man I fell inlove with. I decided to let time do its job in binding our hearts and let the relationship bloom on its own.
Unfortunately my husband expects me to love them as my own biokids. And because I couldnt, accuses me of hating them. I do not hate my stepkids, but its wrong to force love. I dont expect my stepkids to love me as much as they love their real parents. seems like my husband wants us to live like an intact, nuclear family but stepfamily dynamics is way way more different than an intact one. I feel awful now, like I was an evil stepmother, a selfish person.

UPDATE:
Hes playing mind game.. He brought out a big bag, I thought he was moving out..im thinking..ok as soon as he leaves, ill file for custody of our babies. But it turned out to be old baby clothes.. Yeah.. He put them on a travelling bag and left in front of the door, waited few hours before saying these are old baby clothes. Then helping to cook while im feeding the baby, and try to start conversation but its strained.even bought my fave dunkin donuts and ice cream.. But he avoid talking about the problem, no explanation, no apologies. I do the normal thing I do everyday and try to keep my normal cheerful self.then last night sd12 text him asking if she can bring friend for sleepover, I dont really mind but you know whos gonna take care of them, the evil stepmother while daddy hang out with creepy neighbor outside..
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by on May. 2, 2012 at 7:58 AM
Replies (41-50):
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2012 at 2:26 PM


Quoting findingserenity:

She is 20. Her real father abandoned them when she was 3mos old. Then husband stepped up and became her daddy when she was 5yo, but bm got pregnant with sd12 and sd20 got so jealous of the new baby, after a year, sd21 showed up, husband didnt know about her, and sd20 hates her, up to this day. And then I came when she was turning 18.


Quoting Tigress22304:

 


Quoting findingserenity:

It seems she has this delusion that if I die daddy and mommy will get back together plus they will get my babies.yeah.. Pretty sick... Creepy. She said she had a dream I died daddy went to prison and bm got custody of my kids... I dont believe the I had a dream last night.. I think that is what she is dreaming.creepy



Quoting Tigress22304:


 



Quoting findingserenity:

I told sd20 I dont want to discuss death, I am healthy, knock on wood and pray to God, and I intend to be in my own kids life see them watch them and take care of them for as long as I can. She kept pushing it needs to be discuss but ignored that.i was getting aggravated I wanted tk say if you worry about my kids future, why dont you enroll in life insurance and put them as your benefactor?but its rude.im sving that line next time she repeat it again.




Quoting Tigress22304:



 







 the most she will say is she will have my kids when I die and daddy.




 DH's SD11 keeps saying how DD8's Daddy is gonna take her away from us and we'll never have to see her again. Where this came from I'll never know-esp after DH and I have both told her many times that neither SS OR DD will be leaving this house against their will. DH told her if anything were to happen to me HE would be keeping DD-even though he's not her bio dad. SD11 wasn't too happy about that answer.




Your SD's delusional living in her own world. Seriously. I'd avoid her. YOu don't HAVE to love his kids. Don't put yourself down over it. Really. If he wants to make you feel like shit then HE"S the asshole for forcing you to love his kids.




My DH told me the same thing-how I ignore his SD and keep her uninvolved with our activities. yep I do ignore her-because of her behavior and the way she treats me and the other kids-why would I want to be around her?!




 




 does she have life insurance policy out on you?! my uncle's wife was like that-my grandfather found it disturbing-she constantly talked about when he died what she would do.the whole family warned him something wasn't right.



and yes he died fairly young-he was murdered-she got a millions from his life insurance policy and took off-nobody knows where she's at-but that bitch better stay away



it's none of your SD's business about your kids-and I would bring it up the next time she does-like is she trying to kill you?! trying to replace you?! Does she think DH's gonna give up his kids to her!? Would your family give up on taking care of your kids?!



Sick, sick, sick



 If she was under 18-I would seriously have her taken in for a full mental checkup. Something's not right about that chick.


Is she aware that DH's not her bio dad? This sort of "obsession-like" behavior of hers isn't healthy. SD11 acted like this for awhile-she actually told me I wasn't allowed to sleep in his bed or sit next to him. We'd wake up to find her in bed with us only she'd be naked wearing only panties or she'd attempt to lay with him on the couch or sit on his lap-and would get super pissy if he'd push her away or make her move.


I really hope DH's SD11 doesn't get this bad.....ugh i feel for you!

findingserenity
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 2:34 PM
Believe me, I am not taking anymore crap. He wants me to go back to work now and put the kids to daycare, I barely make enough to pay daycare.he wants that so the kids wont be so close to me.i told him until I can drive myself to work, im not going back to work


Quoting sandeeyo:

Fuck him.  He's a lost cause.  I don't even know why you bother communicating with him.  He treats you like shit and keeps you like you're the maid or something.  You can't drive, he refuses to teach you, you can't work because you don't have transportation...etc.  I don't know why you bother.  At this point, he'd be a non-entity to me and he'd be hard pressed to get me to say ANYTHING at all.  What's the point?


Quoting findingserenity:

Tried telling him but he walk away.refuses to talk to me.



Quoting 2bkayleesmommy:

My SO tells me I hate his daughter cuz I sometimes yell...but I don't yell @ her I yell @ the girls (mine and his) like, "get out of the room!" Keep in mind I've told them nicely 5x before!! They like to jump on my bed, and will fall out the window that is right @ the side of the bed. I ignore him or say, "if u want me to treat her just like my daughter, ur not gonna like it, cuz kaylee (my dd) is disciplined a lot harder then u, well ur lack of" and he will cut it out. It's all or nothing he doesn't get to choose what it treated as my bio or step! So tell him! Exactly wut u told us




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findingserenity
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 2:43 PM
Yes.she knows shes adopted. Husband adopted her when shes 10, and after 4 months, he left,they separated.


Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting findingserenity:

She is 20. Her real father abandoned them when she was 3mos old. Then husband stepped up and became her daddy when she was 5yo, but bm got pregnant with sd12 and sd20 got so jealous of the new baby, after a year, sd21 showed up, husband didnt know about her, and sd20 hates her, up to this day. And then I came when she was turning 18.





Quoting Tigress22304:

 



Quoting findingserenity:

It seems she has this delusion that if I die daddy and mommy will get back together plus they will get my babies.yeah.. Pretty sick... Creepy. She said she had a dream I died daddy went to prison and bm got custody of my kids... I dont believe the I had a dream last night.. I think that is what she is dreaming.creepy




Quoting Tigress22304:



 




Quoting findingserenity:

I told sd20 I dont want to discuss death, I am healthy, knock on wood and pray to God, and I intend to be in my own kids life see them watch them and take care of them for as long as I can. She kept pushing it needs to be discuss but ignored that.i was getting aggravated I wanted tk say if you worry about my kids future, why dont you enroll in life insurance and put them as your benefactor?but its rude.im sving that line next time she repeat it again.





Quoting Tigress22304:




 









 the most she will say is she will have my kids when I die and daddy.





 DH's SD11 keeps saying how DD8's Daddy is gonna take her away from us and we'll never have to see her again. Where this came from I'll never know-esp after DH and I have both told her many times that neither SS OR DD will be leaving this house against their will. DH told her if anything were to happen to me HE would be keeping DD-even though he's not her bio dad. SD11 wasn't too happy about that answer.





Your SD's delusional living in her own world. Seriously. I'd avoid her. YOu don't HAVE to love his kids. Don't put yourself down over it. Really. If he wants to make you feel like shit then HE"S the asshole for forcing you to love his kids.





My DH told me the same thing-how I ignore his SD and keep her uninvolved with our activities. yep I do ignore her-because of her behavior and the way she treats me and the other kids-why would I want to be around her?!





 





 does she have life insurance policy out on you?! my uncle's wife was like that-my grandfather found it disturbing-she constantly talked about when he died what she would do.the whole family warned him something wasn't right.




and yes he died fairly young-he was murdered-she got a millions from his life insurance policy and took off-nobody knows where she's at-but that bitch better stay away




it's none of your SD's business about your kids-and I would bring it up the next time she does-like is she trying to kill you?! trying to replace you?! Does she think DH's gonna give up his kids to her!? Would your family give up on taking care of your kids?!




Sick, sick, sick




 If she was under 18-I would seriously have her taken in for a full mental checkup. Something's not right about that chick.



Is she aware that DH's not her bio dad? This sort of "obsession-like" behavior of hers isn't healthy. SD11 acted like this for awhile-she actually told me I wasn't allowed to sleep in his bed or sit next to him. We'd wake up to find her in bed with us only she'd be naked wearing only panties or she'd attempt to lay with him on the couch or sit on his lap-and would get super pissy if he'd push her away or make her move.


I really hope DH's SD11 doesn't get this bad.....ugh i feel for you!


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Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2012 at 2:58 PM


Quoting findingserenity:

Yes.she knows shes adopted. Husband adopted her when shes 10, and after 4 months, he left,they separated.


Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting findingserenity:

She is 20. Her real father abandoned them when she was 3mos old. Then husband stepped up and became her daddy when she was 5yo, but bm got pregnant with sd12 and sd20 got so jealous of the new baby, after a year, sd21 showed up, husband didnt know about her, and sd20 hates her, up to this day. And then I came when she was turning 18.





Quoting Tigress22304:

 



Quoting findingserenity:

It seems she has this delusion that if I die daddy and mommy will get back together plus they will get my babies.yeah.. Pretty sick... Creepy. She said she had a dream I died daddy went to prison and bm got custody of my kids... I dont believe the I had a dream last night.. I think that is what she is dreaming.creepy




Quoting Tigress22304:



 




Quoting findingserenity:

I told sd20 I dont want to discuss death, I am healthy, knock on wood and pray to God, and I intend to be in my own kids life see them watch them and take care of them for as long as I can. She kept pushing it needs to be discuss but ignored that.i was getting aggravated I wanted tk say if you worry about my kids future, why dont you enroll in life insurance and put them as your benefactor?but its rude.im sving that line next time she repeat it again.





Quoting Tigress22304:




 









 the most she will say is she will have my kids when I die and daddy.





 DH's SD11 keeps saying how DD8's Daddy is gonna take her away from us and we'll never have to see her again. Where this came from I'll never know-esp after DH and I have both told her many times that neither SS OR DD will be leaving this house against their will. DH told her if anything were to happen to me HE would be keeping DD-even though he's not her bio dad. SD11 wasn't too happy about that answer.





Your SD's delusional living in her own world. Seriously. I'd avoid her. YOu don't HAVE to love his kids. Don't put yourself down over it. Really. If he wants to make you feel like shit then HE"S the asshole for forcing you to love his kids.





My DH told me the same thing-how I ignore his SD and keep her uninvolved with our activities. yep I do ignore her-because of her behavior and the way she treats me and the other kids-why would I want to be around her?!





 





 does she have life insurance policy out on you?! my uncle's wife was like that-my grandfather found it disturbing-she constantly talked about when he died what she would do.the whole family warned him something wasn't right.




and yes he died fairly young-he was murdered-she got a millions from his life insurance policy and took off-nobody knows where she's at-but that bitch better stay away




it's none of your SD's business about your kids-and I would bring it up the next time she does-like is she trying to kill you?! trying to replace you?! Does she think DH's gonna give up his kids to her!? Would your family give up on taking care of your kids?!




Sick, sick, sick




 If she was under 18-I would seriously have her taken in for a full mental checkup. Something's not right about that chick.



Is she aware that DH's not her bio dad? This sort of "obsession-like" behavior of hers isn't healthy. SD11 acted like this for awhile-she actually told me I wasn't allowed to sleep in his bed or sit next to him. We'd wake up to find her in bed with us only she'd be naked wearing only panties or she'd attempt to lay with him on the couch or sit on his lap-and would get super pissy if he'd push her away or make her move.


I really hope DH's SD11 doesn't get this bad.....ugh i feel for you!


Does she understand that her behavior's unwelcome or unappreciated? Or abnormal for that matter? honestly if SD11 acted like that-DH would ban her permanently.

findingserenity
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 3:07 PM
I told her I dont appreciate it and dont like talking about it. Husband chickens out when it comes to sd20, he even mentioned he agrees and willing to make sd20 and bm legal custodian which I ofcourse, objected. How sickening.told him he shouldnt have separated and divorced bm.and he shouldnt have forced me to marry quickly. Yeah.. He gave me ultimatum and made me choose marry him or else.. Soohh dumb of me.


Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting findingserenity:

Yes.she knows shes adopted. Husband adopted her when shes 10, and after 4 months, he left,they separated.





Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting findingserenity:

She is 20. Her real father abandoned them when she was 3mos old. Then husband stepped up and became her daddy when she was 5yo, but bm got pregnant with sd12 and sd20 got so jealous of the new baby, after a year, sd21 showed up, husband didnt know about her, and sd20 hates her, up to this day. And then I came when she was turning 18.








Quoting Tigress22304:

 




Quoting findingserenity:

It seems she has this delusion that if I die daddy and mommy will get back together plus they will get my babies.yeah.. Pretty sick... Creepy. She said she had a dream I died daddy went to prison and bm got custody of my kids... I dont believe the I had a dream last night.. I think that is what she is dreaming.creepy





Quoting Tigress22304:




 





Quoting findingserenity:

I told sd20 I dont want to discuss death, I am healthy, knock on wood and pray to God, and I intend to be in my own kids life see them watch them and take care of them for as long as I can. She kept pushing it needs to be discuss but ignored that.i was getting aggravated I wanted tk say if you worry about my kids future, why dont you enroll in life insurance and put them as your benefactor?but its rude.im sving that line next time she repeat it again.






Quoting Tigress22304:





 











 the most she will say is she will have my kids when I die and daddy.






 DH's SD11 keeps saying how DD8's Daddy is gonna take her away from us and we'll never have to see her again. Where this came from I'll never know-esp after DH and I have both told her many times that neither SS OR DD will be leaving this house against their will. DH told her if anything were to happen to me HE would be keeping DD-even though he's not her bio dad. SD11 wasn't too happy about that answer.






Your SD's delusional living in her own world. Seriously. I'd avoid her. YOu don't HAVE to love his kids. Don't put yourself down over it. Really. If he wants to make you feel like shit then HE"S the asshole for forcing you to love his kids.






My DH told me the same thing-how I ignore his SD and keep her uninvolved with our activities. yep I do ignore her-because of her behavior and the way she treats me and the other kids-why would I want to be around her?!






 






 does she have life insurance policy out on you?! my uncle's wife was like that-my grandfather found it disturbing-she constantly talked about when he died what she would do.the whole family warned him something wasn't right.





and yes he died fairly young-he was murdered-she got a millions from his life insurance policy and took off-nobody knows where she's at-but that bitch better stay away





it's none of your SD's business about your kids-and I would bring it up the next time she does-like is she trying to kill you?! trying to replace you?! Does she think DH's gonna give up his kids to her!? Would your family give up on taking care of your kids?!





Sick, sick, sick





 If she was under 18-I would seriously have her taken in for a full mental checkup. Something's not right about that chick.




Is she aware that DH's not her bio dad? This sort of "obsession-like" behavior of hers isn't healthy. SD11 acted like this for awhile-she actually told me I wasn't allowed to sleep in his bed or sit next to him. We'd wake up to find her in bed with us only she'd be naked wearing only panties or she'd attempt to lay with him on the couch or sit on his lap-and would get super pissy if he'd push her away or make her move.


I really hope DH's SD11 doesn't get this bad.....ugh i feel for you!



Does she understand that her behavior's unwelcome or unappreciated? Or abnormal for that matter? honestly if SD11 acted like that-DH would ban her permanently.


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Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2012 at 3:14 PM

wtf?! He needs to get some balls to stand up to this girl. who the fuck makes their ex wife the legal guardian of his dead wife's kids?!!?! Is there some mental issues with your DH?! Like is he participating in SD20's behavior-encouraging it. Sounds like that to me. I would consider therapy and a separation.

That's fcking creepy. I'll be damned if my hubby told me to marry him or else. I would have ran the other way hardcore!

Quoting findingserenity:

I told her I dont appreciate it and dont like talking about it. Husband chickens out when it comes to sd20, he even mentioned he agrees and willing to make sd20 and bm legal custodian which I ofcourse, objected. How sickening.told him he shouldnt have separated and divorced bm.and he shouldnt have forced me to marry quickly. Yeah.. He gave me ultimatum and made me choose marry him or else.. Soohh dumb of me.


findingserenity
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 3:26 PM
Thats what I said.. Its creepy... I drop the subject.aint happening. I dont know what happened between him and his ex or sd20 ,but I know,hes not telling me something.creeps me the hell a lot
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findingserenity
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 3:44 PM
That reminds me, sd12 is turning 13, she started having her period, her breast starts to grow too but daddy still encourages her to sleep in our bed, we have full size bed and daddy is in the middle.its very crowded.as much as I want to sleep out in the couch, I cant because dd waked up to feed at night


Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting findingserenity:

She is 20. Her real father abandoned them when she was 3mos old. Then husband stepped up and became her daddy when she was 5yo, but bm got pregnant with sd12 and sd20 got so jealous of the new baby, after a year, sd21 showed up, husband didnt know about her, and sd20 hates her, up to this day. And then I came when she was turning 18.





Quoting Tigress22304:

 



Quoting findingserenity:

It seems she has this delusion that if I die daddy and mommy will get back together plus they will get my babies.yeah.. Pretty sick... Creepy. She said she had a dream I died daddy went to prison and bm got custody of my kids... I dont believe the I had a dream last night.. I think that is what she is dreaming.creepy




Quoting Tigress22304:



 




Quoting findingserenity:

I told sd20 I dont want to discuss death, I am healthy, knock on wood and pray to God, and I intend to be in my own kids life see them watch them and take care of them for as long as I can. She kept pushing it needs to be discuss but ignored that.i was getting aggravated I wanted tk say if you worry about my kids future, why dont you enroll in life insurance and put them as your benefactor?but its rude.im sving that line next time she repeat it again.





Quoting Tigress22304:




 









 the most she will say is she will have my kids when I die and daddy.





 DH's SD11 keeps saying how DD8's Daddy is gonna take her away from us and we'll never have to see her again. Where this came from I'll never know-esp after DH and I have both told her many times that neither SS OR DD will be leaving this house against their will. DH told her if anything were to happen to me HE would be keeping DD-even though he's not her bio dad. SD11 wasn't too happy about that answer.





Your SD's delusional living in her own world. Seriously. I'd avoid her. YOu don't HAVE to love his kids. Don't put yourself down over it. Really. If he wants to make you feel like shit then HE"S the asshole for forcing you to love his kids.





My DH told me the same thing-how I ignore his SD and keep her uninvolved with our activities. yep I do ignore her-because of her behavior and the way she treats me and the other kids-why would I want to be around her?!





 





 does she have life insurance policy out on you?! my uncle's wife was like that-my grandfather found it disturbing-she constantly talked about when he died what she would do.the whole family warned him something wasn't right.




and yes he died fairly young-he was murdered-she got a millions from his life insurance policy and took off-nobody knows where she's at-but that bitch better stay away




it's none of your SD's business about your kids-and I would bring it up the next time she does-like is she trying to kill you?! trying to replace you?! Does she think DH's gonna give up his kids to her!? Would your family give up on taking care of your kids?!




Sick, sick, sick




 If she was under 18-I would seriously have her taken in for a full mental checkup. Something's not right about that chick.



Is she aware that DH's not her bio dad? This sort of "obsession-like" behavior of hers isn't healthy. SD11 acted like this for awhile-she actually told me I wasn't allowed to sleep in his bed or sit next to him. We'd wake up to find her in bed with us only she'd be naked wearing only panties or she'd attempt to lay with him on the couch or sit on his lap-and would get super pissy if he'd push her away or make her move.


I really hope DH's SD11 doesn't get this bad.....ugh i feel for you!


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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on May. 2, 2012 at 3:46 PM
Bm 2 dds 9&10 and sm 2 ss 12&16. My Dh at the beginning thought it would be cool if I treated the boys a bit more lovingly(I'm not a hugger or touchy feely) as soon as he said this,I said ok,you want me to be a bit more step-mommyish and be more lovingly? Ok I'll Act more like I do w my dd's! You know the yelling,the grounding and the loving part also. Dh changed his tube fast. Lol. He's fine that I don't hug and kids the boys. But he knows we have our own relationship.

I'm sorry finding:( it seems your Dh has unrealistic expectations for the family. Are you a FT mom? Do you have kids previous to your Dh? I'm wondering bc maybe he treats yours like his own and that's why he expects you to? I'm sorry I forgot your Stich and if you have kids w Dh or apart.
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findingserenity
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 3:55 PM
No, I was single when weve met, hes the father of my kids.. But I guess because his first family was chaos.. Evrrybody is fighting and arguing, he got sick of it.so he left.while in our home, my babies are sweet and I avoid arguing as much as I can.i teach my kids to love each other. But see I care for his kids just not the same with mine.and yes, with mine, there is no boundaries, I can discipline them but sd12 has her own mom, sd20 is adult. does husband thinks that his kids will treat and love me like their mom? Uh I dont think so.


Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

Bm 2 dds 9&10 and sm 2 ss 12&16. My Dh at the beginning thought it would be cool if I treated the boys a bit more lovingly(I'm not a hugger or touchy feely) as soon as he said this,I said ok,you want me to be a bit more step-mommyish and be more lovingly? Ok I'll Act more like I do w my dd's! You know the yelling,the grounding and the loving part also. Dh changed his tube fast. Lol. He's fine that I don't hug and kids the boys. But he knows we have our own relationship.



I'm sorry finding:( it seems your Dh has unrealistic expectations for the family. Are you a FT mom? Do you have kids previous to your Dh? I'm wondering bc maybe he treats yours like his own and that's why he expects you to? I'm sorry I forgot your Stich and if you have kids w Dh or apart.

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