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It distresses me all the stories I read on here about bd's sending the kid back to BM that he has already been bounced from because bd/sm don't want to deal with kid even if they know they are sending the kid back to a bad situation. Seems so many kids are just being tossed away. Where would bd send the kid if he and BM were still together?
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:12 PM
Replies (31-40):
ame4c
by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:01 AM

 I totally agree.  I think these people need to step up and realize they are parents and can't discard their kids so easily.  My X is like this and it ticks me off to no end.  He refuses to even talk to his son because his son is 16 and has a teenage attitude.  His son is a good kid and I have no problems with him, but then again I would not take the crap my kid sends out to his dad.  His father allows him to treat him like that and it's been this way since my son was 10.  When my dd gets that attitude, he will dismiss her too.  He's a coward and would rather run from his problems than stop and try to deal with them.

ame4c
by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:03 AM

 

Quoting pepper504:

I have not read anything like that. 

I also think that if BM/BD were still together, that they would not be having the issues with the child[ren] that they currently have.  If they were there are aunts/uncles/grandparents who would take on their niece[s]/nephew[s] if need be. 

 This is not true.  Kids from two parent homes have just as much troubles as kids from single parent homes.  The difference is the parents are usually still working together to parent the child and not willing to "throw away" the kids (for lack of a better term).

     ame4c





 

schoolbusmom72
by Member on May. 3, 2012 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this

i have posted a story like this. so let me explain. 4 years ago when my DH and his ex split she and her entire family went to extreme measures to make sure my DH didnt get custody. He is a 15 year vetran of the US ARMY and she walked into court and claimed he was a violent man due to PTSD. not only did he lose custody but so did she due to her drug use. in our 3 year relationship i have never seen him lose his temper or become violent in any way and is amazing with my children. Well their oldest has been bounced here and there but the younger 2 have had a stable home with her parents. as time goes by her family is starting to see that we are stable and loving and that DH has not missed a birthday or christmas in those 3 years. even tho the kids are 800 miles away he is very connected with them. When my SS get here on Sunday morning to live because he isnt doing what needs to be done....stay out of trouble and stay in school, We STILL DO NOT HAVE CUSTODY! His aunt will not sign him over to his dad. So if SS cant tow the line in our home YES he will be sent back to the Aunt who has LEGAL CUSTODY of him. These are the same  people who made sure that my DH didnt get custody of the kids in the divorce now that its too tough for them to handle THEY want to just throw him away. NOT US.

pepper504
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2012 at 10:28 AM


Quoting ame4c:

 

Quoting pepper504:

I have not read anything like that. 

I also think that if BM/BD were still together, that they would not be having the issues with the child[ren] that they currently have.  If they were there are aunts/uncles/grandparents who would take on their niece[s]/nephew[s] if need be. 

 This is not true.  Kids from two parent homes have just as much troubles as kids from single parent homes.  The difference is the parents are usually still working together to parent the child and not willing to "throw away" the kids (for lack of a better term).

That is what I meant.  If they are together, they work together, unlike being divorced and not on speaking terms due to one parent's issues.

ame4c
by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:32 AM

 

Quoting pepper504:


Quoting ame4c:

 

Quoting pepper504:

I have not read anything like that. 

I also think that if BM/BD were still together, that they would not be having the issues with the child[ren] that they currently have.  If they were there are aunts/uncles/grandparents who would take on their niece[s]/nephew[s] if need be. 

 This is not true.  Kids from two parent homes have just as much troubles as kids from single parent homes.  The difference is the parents are usually still working together to parent the child and not willing to "throw away" the kids (for lack of a better term).

That is what I meant.  If they are together, they work together, unlike being divorced and not on speaking terms due to one parent's issues.

 But they still have the issues to deal with, you were implying there weren't any issues to deal with.  It's just they wouldn't concider "throwing away" their kids, unless it was serious enough to put them in a treatment center (and I'm not sure that would be concidered "throwing away".). 

There are divorced families that make decisions together and work together to parent the kids.  They are few and far between, but they are out there.  I sure wish I was able to be one of them.

     ame4c





 

MamaK313
by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:43 AM
I've said this many times about BM. She's told DH in the past that she needs 'her time' with no kids so she can go out and enjoy herself. I've told DH that I guess she's glad they split because if they hadn't she would have to be a mom 24/7. God forbid!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
pepper504
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2012 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting ame4c:

 

Quoting pepper504:


Quoting ame4c:

 

Quoting pepper504:

I have not read anything like that. 

I also think that if BM/BD were still together, that they would not be having the issues with the child[ren] that they currently have.  If they were there are aunts/uncles/grandparents who would take on their niece[s]/nephew[s] if need be. 

 This is not true.  Kids from two parent homes have just as much troubles as kids from single parent homes.  The difference is the parents are usually still working together to parent the child and not willing to "throw away" the kids (for lack of a better term).

That is what I meant.  If they are together, they work together, unlike being divorced and not on speaking terms due to one parent's issues.

 But they still have the issues to deal with, you were implying there weren't any issues to deal with.  It's just they wouldn't concider "throwing away" their kids, unless it was serious enough to put them in a treatment center (and I'm not sure that would be concidered "throwing away".). 

There are divorced families that make decisions together and work together to parent the kids.  They are few and far between, but they are out there.  I sure wish I was able to be one of them.

Never said that there were not any issues to deal with. 

Case in point:  I was a rebel teenager.  I made life hell at home.  At 18, I was kicked out and I lived at my grandmother's house.  My parents are married to each other and have been for almost 41 years.  That being said, had they been divorced, I would have more than likely been bounced from my mom to my dad's house.  No different.  I was not thrown away nor abandoned.  I have an awesome relationship with my parents and understand WHY they did what they had to do.

My ex and I get along well.  If DD15 was a problem, we would work together in fixing that problem.  We have 50/50 so there is no bouncing back and forth as we both have her the same amount of time.

My DH and his exwife, she and DH do not speak.  She does not know how to get along with others and he does not have the time to deal with her craziness.  That being said, no telling where SS13 would end up if he were a problem. 

I, too, do not like the term 'throwing away' either.  It's not that.  It is getting help for the family and child[ren] involved. 

LivnSimply
by on May. 3, 2012 at 11:15 AM
How did sending you to Grandparents help? I'm curious.


Quoting pepper504:


Quoting ame4c:

 


Quoting pepper504:




Quoting ame4c:


 


Quoting pepper504:


I have not read anything like that. 


I also think that if BM/BD were still together, that they would not be having the issues with the child[ren] that they currently have.  If they were there are aunts/uncles/grandparents who would take on their niece[s]/nephew[s] if need be. 


 This is not true.  Kids from two parent homes have just as much troubles as kids from single parent homes.  The difference is the parents are usually still working together to parent the child and not willing to "throw away" the kids (for lack of a better term).


That is what I meant.  If they are together, they work together, unlike being divorced and not on speaking terms due to one parent's issues.


 But they still have the issues to deal with, you were implying there weren't any issues to deal with.  It's just they wouldn't concider "throwing away" their kids, unless it was serious enough to put them in a treatment center (and I'm not sure that would be concidered "throwing away".). 


There are divorced families that make decisions together and work together to parent the kids.  They are few and far between, but they are out there.  I sure wish I was able to be one of them.

Never said that there were not any issues to deal with. 

Case in point:  I was a rebel teenager.  I made life hell at home.  At 18, I was kicked out and I lived at my grandmother's house.  My parents are married to each other and have been for almost 41 years.  That being said, had they been divorced, I would have more than likely been bounced from my mom to my dad's house.  No different.  I was not thrown away nor abandoned.  I have an awesome relationship with my parents and understand WHY they did what they had to do.

My ex and I get along well.  If DD15 was a problem, we would work together in fixing that problem.  We have 50/50 so there is no bouncing back and forth as we both have her the same amount of time.

My DH and his exwife, she and DH do not speak.  She does not know how to get along with others and he does not have the time to deal with her craziness.  That being said, no telling where SS13 would end up if he were a problem. 

I, too, do not like the term 'throwing away' either.  It's not that.  It is getting help for the family and child[ren] involved. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ame4c
by on May. 3, 2012 at 11:22 AM


Quoting pepper504:


Quoting ame4c:

 

Quoting pepper504:


Quoting ame4c:

 

Quoting pepper504:

I have not read anything like that. 

I also think that if BM/BD were still together, that they would not be having the issues with the child[ren] that they currently have.  If they were there are aunts/uncles/grandparents who would take on their niece[s]/nephew[s] if need be. 

 This is not true.  Kids from two parent homes have just as much troubles as kids from single parent homes.  The difference is the parents are usually still working together to parent the child and not willing to "throw away" the kids (for lack of a better term).

That is what I meant.  If they are together, they work together, unlike being divorced and not on speaking terms due to one parent's issues.

 But they still have the issues to deal with, you were implying there weren't any issues to deal with.  It's just they wouldn't concider "throwing away" their kids, unless it was serious enough to put them in a treatment center (and I'm not sure that would be concidered "throwing away".). 

There are divorced families that make decisions together and work together to parent the kids.  They are few and far between, but they are out there.  I sure wish I was able to be one of them.

Never said that there were not any issues to deal with. 

Case in point:  I was a rebel teenager.  I made life hell at home.  At 18, I was kicked out and I lived at my grandmother's house.  My parents are married to each other and have been for almost 41 years.  That being said, had they been divorced, I would have more than likely been bounced from my mom to my dad's house.  No different.  I was not thrown away nor abandoned.  I have an awesome relationship with my parents and understand WHY they did what they had to do.

My ex and I get along well.  If DD15 was a problem, we would work together in fixing that problem.  We have 50/50 so there is no bouncing back and forth as we both have her the same amount of time.

My DH and his exwife, she and DH do not speak.  She does not know how to get along with others and he does not have the time to deal with her craziness.  That being said, no telling where SS13 would end up if he were a problem. 

I, too, do not like the term 'throwing away' either.  It's not that.  It is getting help for the family and child[ren] involved. 

I understand what you are saying but at 18 this is not an issue.  You were an adult and thus making decisions that your parents decided you couldn't live at home.  This is different if your child is under age.  I agree tough love has a place, but you don't kick a 10 yr old out of your home for bad mouthing you, or tell them that they can not come to stay with you because of their attitude.  You deal with the attitude as a parent should.  I believe this is where the OP was coming from.

     ame4c





 

pepper504
by Gold Member on May. 3, 2012 at 11:24 AM

It got me out of the house and the heated arguments that I was having with my mother.  I was a freshman in college, living at home, dating DD15's dad and thought that because I was 18, I could do whatever I wanted and not abide by their rules.  I hated living with my grandfather.   WW2 veteran and nervous as fuck with EVERYTHING.  It made me want to change and abide by their rules so that I could go back home.  I was back home in time to go off to college my sophmore year. 

Quoting LivnSimply:

How did sending you to Grandparents help? I'm curious.


Quoting pepper504:


Quoting ame4c:

 


Quoting pepper504:




Quoting ame4c:


 


Quoting pepper504:


I have not read anything like that. 


I also think that if BM/BD were still together, that they would not be having the issues with the child[ren] that they currently have.  If they were there are aunts/uncles/grandparents who would take on their niece[s]/nephew[s] if need be. 


 This is not true.  Kids from two parent homes have just as much troubles as kids from single parent homes.  The difference is the parents are usually still working together to parent the child and not willing to "throw away" the kids (for lack of a better term).


That is what I meant.  If they are together, they work together, unlike being divorced and not on speaking terms due to one parent's issues.


 But they still have the issues to deal with, you were implying there weren't any issues to deal with.  It's just they wouldn't concider "throwing away" their kids, unless it was serious enough to put them in a treatment center (and I'm not sure that would be concidered "throwing away".). 


There are divorced families that make decisions together and work together to parent the kids.  They are few and far between, but they are out there.  I sure wish I was able to be one of them.

Never said that there were not any issues to deal with. 

Case in point:  I was a rebel teenager.  I made life hell at home.  At 18, I was kicked out and I lived at my grandmother's house.  My parents are married to each other and have been for almost 41 years.  That being said, had they been divorced, I would have more than likely been bounced from my mom to my dad's house.  No different.  I was not thrown away nor abandoned.  I have an awesome relationship with my parents and understand WHY they did what they had to do.

My ex and I get along well.  If DD15 was a problem, we would work together in fixing that problem.  We have 50/50 so there is no bouncing back and forth as we both have her the same amount of time.

My DH and his exwife, she and DH do not speak.  She does not know how to get along with others and he does not have the time to deal with her craziness.  That being said, no telling where SS13 would end up if he were a problem. 

I, too, do not like the term 'throwing away' either.  It's not that.  It is getting help for the family and child[ren] involved. 



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