Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Has BM/SM ever been "real" with you?

Have you ever been in a situation where BM/SM has let their guard down and actually talked to you like one of her friends? Has she ever let her walls down, even for a little bit?

I know in my sitch BM and I get along well because we both always have our guard up and on our best behavior. We are civil and can talk about SD, or easy stuff like books or movies.

When SD was getting a psychiatric eval and admission to the hospital, we (DH,BM and I) were forced together in a room for about 5 hours. DH and BM had taken SD together but called me to come up. I even stopped and got us all dinner.
During those 5 hours BM was totally "real". No fakeness no walls. She talked to DH and I like we were friends. We talked about lots things and got to "know" each other. We even swapped birth story's and it was nice to hear about SDs birth from her POV. She was also pretty funny.

We all went back to being on guard the moment we left the hospital, but is was nice seeing a glimps of the "real her".
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 2, 2012 at 10:07 PM
Replies (41-48):
ec_mom
by on May. 3, 2012 at 5:23 PM
SM & I get along very well. I'm real with her & I think she is real with me. We're both naturally very social. The attempts I've made at conversation with BM were not well received...she was not open to it. I try not to take it personally.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
OregonMom80
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:00 PM

Uh, sort of I guess.  In the middle of wigging out about me being involved in DSS's life, she tried another angle and went with explaining how she felt and why it was hard for her.  Told her I completely understood, but still wasn't going to treat her son like a stranger or like I didn't give a crap just because it upset her that he likes me.  The only other time was at the very beginning when she seemed to think that trying to explain about how DH was to blame for their divorce was a good idea - like I was gf who cared about her sob story.

The reason I know what I do about BM is not from her or DH - it's from HER family.  She alternately gets along with them and treats them like crap and withholds DSS from them when she's mad, but they like me and DH.  One of her relatives told me BM's story trying to garner sympathy for why BM is the way she is.  And I understand, but I also had a mom with a tough life and sad story - didn't mean that she didn't make our lives majorily difficult when I was younger.  It did help me see BM differently and it totally makes sense to me now - doesn't mean I'm ok with her taking it out on DH and DSS though.  If you have issues, get help, get counseling, something - don't make your kid's life difficult & mess with his relationships with everyone because you can't get along with anybody.

JoeliePoelieMom
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:40 PM
I think the closest was when she called dh's phone late one night and asked to talk to me. She told me that she thought I was"really cool", but that in her life she had known a lot of people who seemed really cool but then they all"turned on her". She asked if I was going to turn on her too. It was really bizarre. I told her I had no ill intentions and that I enjoyed getting to know her (true at the time). Well, not long after that I figured out why everyone "turns" on her. Holy hell, is she ever crazy! I stay the hell away from her, while she sends my dh weird emails insulting me and insisting that I'm trying to destroy her?????

I think when she called me that night, I got a real glimpse of how she perceives herself and others. She is currently on her fourth marriage and everyone is still out to get her.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CFSTBSM27
by on May. 3, 2012 at 8:07 PM
Only once we bothered to talk since we have a lot of bad blood since junior high.....we got real about daddy issues n how we were both abandoned by our BF n had self esteem issues n wat not but that was probably alcohol more than anything
nmaxwell816
by on May. 3, 2012 at 8:13 PM

NEVER

sidelinesally
by on May. 3, 2012 at 8:17 PM

Nope, never. She pretty much lives in a fantasy world so I can't see how she could get real with anyone.

shekyram
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:47 PM
At first she did but it was only to feel me out and see how much I would let her get away with. After she found out that I was not going to let her run my house it was over, lasted about 6 weeks.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sassystepmom5
by on May. 5, 2012 at 10:15 AM
No
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)