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My SD officially hates me - honeymoon is over. What now?

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Emily is now convinced that I am the reason her mom and dad don't live together anymore.  I didn't meet her dad until a year and a half after the marriage ended, and she's just turned 5 - surely she can't even remember them living together when she was 1.  And when they did live together, it was far from idyllic - constant screaming battles, substance abuse, anger, you name it.

She's started to be awful to me, hitting me, screaming at me, manipulating me, telling me to shut up, anything she can to try and hurt my feelings.  She's also throwing HUGE tantrums over nothing, when she doesn't get her way.  Keep in mind "her way" that she fights for isn't a power struggle type thing.  It isn't "I want to color" and us saying "no coloring!" "Her way" is having only ice cream, brownies, and potato chips for dinner or staying up until 1:00 am. 

Again -- this is new.  We used to have so much fun together.  Now, one minute she loves me and is all over me, the next minute she tells me never, ever to speak with her EVER again.

Her mom definitely doesn't feed this idea of me stealing her dad to her, because her mom is intelligent, and knows every reason they are no longer together.  We don't talk bad about her mom either, because really, we have nothing bad to say about her.  When her mom and dad are together, they still scream and fight.  They're just two personalities that do not mix, at all.  It isn't like when they get together it is some family fun time, it is a powder keg.

I'm not sure where she got this idea, or how to get her past this idea so that she won't hate me for the rest of her life.  She's known me for about two years, I've always treated her with love, respect, and joy, even when she's a complete monster to me.

How do you ladies handle things like this?  Her dad sits us down and explains to her very clearly that I love her very much, and that I have nothing to do with them not being together.  And I tell her all the time how happy I am to have her around, and how much I love her to pieces.

What in the world do I do here?

by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:27 AM
Replies (11-11):
by on May. 3, 2012 at 5:25 PM

I went through that with my SS. He was having a hard time juggling a Dad, a Mom, a Stepmom and a Stepdad.

I just fought it with love. He was awful, I distracted him with a game or coloring or something.

And truthfull, SS has always treated me better and with more respect than my DH, and even BM.

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