This may be the last one. Not sure.
My confession is that I was childish and immature and acted like an ass.
Some backstory for those who don't know me: Michael and I dated and were engaged in 2005. I was 19 and he was 24. He was my first serious boyfriend. We were young and dumb. We didn't work out. he rebounded with BM, who he worked with. She got pregnant within two months of them meeting so he moved in and asked her to marry him so they could be a family. In 2008 they broke up. My husband is my brother in law's best friend, they are practically brothers, just not blood related. My inlaws raised him along with Michael. So Michael got ahold of me through my brother in law and we began hanging out again. We resumed our engagement a month after getting back together.
The first time BM found out about me and Michael, she refused visitation and said that me being with him did not work for her. She then began texting him calling me a cunt and saying he cared more about me than his son. The times that he was able to get his son, she was constantly calling and texting him. If she knew I was around would text him saying I was a cunt and to keep me away from her son.
The night we got re-engaged I announced it on Myspace. She read it and blew a gasket. She sent me a message calling me names and telling me I'd better leave Michael if I knew what was good for me. She told me if I didn't, I deserved bad things to happen to me. She told me I was fat and ugly. That's when the bullying began. I shot back at her. I should have ignored her. I should have made my profile private. But I was pissed off at her calling me named for no reason and bullying me.
Around the time of the start of the online bullying is when I also began to overstep (read my other post). BM would bully me by saying I was disgusting, fat and ugly and I would shoot back and tell her she was a crappy mother and a bad girlfriend to my husband.
2008 and 2009 were the worse years. The bully was horrible. When she'd say something awful to me, I would fire back to her. It was childish. It was immature. We were both horrible. She said things to me that were uncalled for.
SOME OF THE BULLYING
- she told me Michael was begging her to take him back. She said that he hated me, was ashamed of me and was just using me until she took him back. She said I could not fuck him as good as her or keep him satisfied. She told me that he thinks about her while he's fucking me.
- She would rub it in my face that she was the mother of his only child
- She told me my mother should have murdered me at birth
- She told me to slit my wrists and get it over with
- She bullied my weight by calling me fat, nasty and nicknaming me Cookiemonster
- I have a birth defect due to medical malpractive and she targeted that ( I have a misshapened eye that sometimes crosses and I am partially blind in it) She made fun of me over it and told me she would fix my eyes for me-a physical violence threat
- She would tell me I was jealous of her because she was hot and that she was hotter than me
- She made fun of my miscarriage and told me idiots like me shouldn't breed anyways
- She told everyone I was an alcoholic
- Her favorite words for me was bitch, cunt and fuckface
- She accused Michael of putting me before their son
- She used me as an excuse to deny visitation
- She said that anyone in my life that had ever told me I was beautiful lied to me
- She wrote a blog when I got pregnant with Michaela. She said she would be too ugly to pass for human. She said she would be born retarded and luck if she could "count to B." She also said she should be euthanized along with any other kids Michael and i have.
That is just some of the things I've had to deal with. All of her bullying was online. Once, during a pickup, she yelled at me through her apartment window, trying to get me to respond so we would fight. I just smiled and waved although my instinct was to give her the bird.
I wasn't innocent. When she said me things that hurt, I'd say something mean back to her. But I never got as nasty as she did. I never told her she needed to die. But when she told me I was ugly, I would say back, "your fucking hideous too." When she made fun of my weight, I'd fire back. "sorry but I don't do drugs to stay skinny."
It took me forever, and I mean FOREVER, to learn to ignore her. Me defending myself, arguing with her, was adding fuel to the fire and kept all the bullshit going. I reported her for cyberbullying and got her deleted from Myspace because of all the blogs she had about me. I then made my profile private.
She made another profile and proceeded to continue to torment me. She had as her header that her mission in life was to make me cry. She wouldn't make anymore blogs about me but she would say cruel things about me in her status updates. Eventually I learned to quit checking her status. It was hard because I was paranoid she was spreading more rumors and saying awful things. But when I quit going to her profile looking for bad things about me things got easier.
It is hard to rebound from bullying. I still hurt from the things she said. I am sure she is pissed still about things I retorted back. But the cycle to end it all is to ignore bullying. Do not go to BM's Myspace or Facebook. If she says something mean, let it roll off your shoulder like water. Do not try to get even. The best revenge is to be happy.
I'm sorry she chose hatred. For all of you. I'm glad you choose differently.
Quoting chanizen:
Best revenge is being happy. I love it.
I'm sorry she chose hatred. For all of you. I'm glad you choose differently.
I know. In the beginning, their was no reason for her hatred or bullying. I hadn't even overstepped when she started all this.
But from reading emails she sent a mutual friend and the things she told my MIL, she wanted DH back. She did not want SS having a stepmom and said she'd rather stay with Michael until SS was 18. She told MIL it hurt her seeing us together. Before our marriage she called DH while he was at work. She asked him why he didn't care that she broke up with him and why he didn't ever try to get her back. She went on to tell him how much she'd changed.
The best revenge is being happy, something she will never be...
I hope you find peace with these confessions as I have seen another side just by reading them so thank you
Damn, those are some really horrific things she said! especially about killing yourself and the miscarriage stuff! Oh and being the only one who has his bio child. That one i get, cuz the bio here insisted my DH get a vasectomy after she got pregnant. And being the good husband he was...he did it. SHE didn't want anymore kids. less than 6 mo later they were done for good.
I think she just didn't want HIM to ever have kids with anyone else. Or SHE would have gotten fixed!
Jokes on her....we are adopting....and he's not all about it's not his BIO child!
Anyhow, off topic....but damn. MEAN!
And YES...being HAPPY and showing happiness and keeping mouth shut (Not always easy!!!!!) is the best revenge one can give!
*cheers* to growing up!
Blend in!
Everything between sons SM and I began on MySpace. She invited me as a friend, regretted it, didn't know she could cancel it and I accepted it later on. Neither of us were "real" with each other from the start. She would put digs in on stupid things I did while I was 18 and I would get her where it hurt her... Her looks. Weight, makeup, flaws... Whatever would annoy her. That was her weak spot, and I ran with it.
We went rounds and rounds on MySpace, mayasmom.com, Facebook and CM. it was a crazy cycle. She befriends me, we would try and play nice, one of us would read something from the other person (sometimes intentional, sometimes unrelated) and get annoyed... Cat fight ensues, unfriend on website, she goes to husband and tells what I said but rarely her side of wrongs and there it stops for a few days up to a month or so. Avoid each other on sites and the. It slowly happens again. And again. When it gets to the crazy cat fight stage she resorts to the same insults (usually claiming I am mental in some way) and I resort to the same insults to hurt and annoy her.
For years I justified every word out of my mouth by saying how she spewed her verbal nastiness, how she one for one has done wrong where I have done wrong, how if she printed off every foul thing she has ever said and showed it to her husband that he would have a sliver of an idea why I have said what I have... On and on. The fact is, I am responsible for my actions and my actions only. I can call it defending myself or family... But it's sin. I can call it being annoyed, but it is sin. I can call it whatever I want, but the heart of it is sin and I need to deal with it. I can't justify my actions on hers.
I have bullied her, insulted her, been rude and unkind to her. There is nothing that makes that okay, no matter what she has done or said about me.
It comes down to leaving her alone, on my end. I truly feel that she has anger towards me over something or things that happened years ago and that she has never told me about. I haven't a clue what it is on her side that aides us in running in circles. All I know is what aides me on my side and that is what I need to take responsibility for.
Again, your honesty is amazing. Thank you for writing these.
I can relate to this completely. I have insecurity issues. I knew BM#1 from high school and we were rivals so yes I certainly knew what I was getting into when I got with DH. BM got mad for any number of reason & blamed it on me; She had a girl but DH & I found out we were having a boy. She wanted a boy. She hoped I would miscarry & that miscarriage was God's way of weeding out the weak & unwanted-her words exactly. There would be times where I would just try to be her friend. I felt sorry for her. She seemed to be a lonely, angry person. During the time we were getting along, apparently she set up some type of myspace account and was sending messages to my DH and seductive pictures, pretending to be someone he may know (that they were friends with while they were still together.) She was trying to create a rift between DH and I. She would tell me how much of a mistake it was to have cheated on him & her only wish in life was for her to be with him as it should be ... in her mind. She's remarried and has a child with this guy. This all happened 6 years after they had split so I know she wasn't over him or was & just didn't want me to have him.
I'd admit, I stooped to some horrible levels to retaliate. I knew the things I could say that would push her buttons. I justified my actions by thinking that I had to respond to her hate filled rantings because If I didn't stick up for myself or my family, I was letting it all happen. I had to be some kind of protector of my family and not let her get to us and finding a way to push her buttons to make her feel just as bad as she made me feel. Now I've learned to ignore it, make jokes to my DH about the shit she says and move on but it took a lot to do that. I needed to feel secure in myself & my relationship with DH.
Wow. That is some MESSED UP shit right there. :-/ I'm sorry you've had to deal with that woman!
I agree with you though- it's best to be happy, because it makes her look pathetic and probably pisses her off more!
BM has never bullied me, thankfully. If she did, I'd go off my rocker.
She has been backstabbing, though, which bothered the crap out of me. However, despite not believing in karma at the time, I believe she got hers when she lost custody.
Oh yes, I know this all too well. I chose right from the begining to not engage in any way. Whenever she says anything to me or DH that is along the lines of what you outlined we simply say "thanks for sharing". The family counselor suggested it and it pretty much stopped her for the most part.
I laugh because she will say we are being childish for continuing to say that over and over again...yet we are normally saying it after she says something like tell your sickly whore of a wife to shut the fuck up. Ummm.
Jealousy, confusion, frustration- oh joy...
- ShannaBee
on May. 3, 2012 at 7:35 PM