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I go through these cycles where I very much desire to have a child of our own. A little one who is with us 24/7. I am walking through the grieving process of accepting that it cant happen due to medical issues on my end. Weve been foster parents and have discussed adoption but Im only talking about that maternal biological desire we have as women to have and raise our own .

I have a 17 year old son who I gave up for adoption when I was 16. It was a semi open adoption and when he was 12 he reentered my life. His family is wonderful and we have a great relationship. They are so great to include me in their life. But I havr respected that I made a choice for him when I was young and made the hardest decision in my life and have had to live with that decision that he wouldnt be soley mine.

I have bonded so well with my skids that when they are gone I feel our home is empty. I love every moment they are here even through the hard times of parenting but I have always been cognizant and respectful that they have a mom and a dad and i have never tried to mess with that or coveted to be anything more than stepmom.

But my bioclock is ticking and I sometimes feel that desire to procreate so strongly that I wake up crying with the pain and loss that that is not on my path in life.

I am not unhappy with my choices or my life in an manner and my cuppeth runs over with blessings.

Is it hormones? Has anyone else felt these feelings? My sister said she felt the same way after having their last baby and went through a greiving period and coming to terms with this will be their last.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 4, 2012 at 2:11 PM
Replies (11-19):
YesImMomToo
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:35 PM
I completely understand I had a hard time being around my sisters kids for about 10 years after I gave my baby up for adoption.

We werehave pregnant at the same time and she had her baby a month after I had
mine.

Something in me just kind of broke and I had 2 misscarriages during my first marriage.


Quoting Ms.Gwen:

I had an abortion at 19 due to contracting polio from a vaccine (didn't know I was pregnant or allergic to live virus vaccines). Since then I have lost twins at 5mo and another child at 18 weeks. I am CSM to 3 whom I love dearly but they are not mine. I'm 35 this year... The click is ticking. I may never have one of my own and it is heart breaking. Even through all this the pain hit the hardest when my nephew was born. He is the most beautiful baby in the world and I can't bring myself to hold him. It just hurts too damn much.

Everytime my BIL and SIL visit they ask me to hold him. They get hurt that I won't. I usually say "I'd love to! Hold on let me' check the oven..." or some other lame excuse. I know they notice. They must think the worst of me. I just can't bring myself to do it. It hurts to much.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
happyfeet215
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:43 PM
I cried reading this. I have always wanted another one. I have been blessed with so much so I dont really have a right to complain but it still hurts knowing that dh won't consider having another one. It has been a struggle for me. I am still young and hate that neither one of my pregnancies were full of joy and high anticipation. I have always wanted that. Hugs to everyone!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jessiesluv
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:40 PM

Hugs! I also have medical issues that keep me from having my own.

The pain is really indescribable sometimes and I have definately gotten better at dealing with it but there are still times it hits me more than others.

You aren't alone! :(

liltigersmom
by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:56 PM
Oh wow

I'm so sorry :(

It sucks when women want to have a babies, but can't.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jessiesluv
by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:37 AM

Sucks just isn't the word for it.

But, just like other situations, people need to learn not to judge that those SMs who don't have their own biokids. Imagine dealing with this crap and on top of that hearing "if you want your own kid, go have one!" It's a heartless statement, really.

Quoting liltigersmom:

Oh wow

I'm so sorry :(

It sucks when women want to have a babies, but can't.


newstepmom61811
by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:41 AM
1 mom liked this
Or worse yet being accused of wanting to steal someone else's because you can't have your own. Yes it happens, those crazies are on the 5 o'clock news for murdering new moms and stealing the newborns or stealing newborns from hospitals. The baggage that comes with being a SM and the fact that the kids don't attach to you that way, not the way to steal a kid, by becoming a SM, too much shit to deal with. Those are assanine and ignorant statements.


Quoting jessiesluv:

Sucks just isn't the word for it.

But, just like other situations, people need to learn not to judge that those SMs who don't have their own biokids. Imagine dealing with this crap and on top of that hearing "if you want your own kid, go have one!" It's a heartless statement, really.

Quoting liltigersmom:

Oh wow



I'm so sorry :(



It sucks when women want to have a babies, but can't.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
liltigersmom
by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:49 AM
No one word or group of words can explain how painful it is.



Quoting jessiesluv:

Sucks just isn't the word for it.

But, just like other situations, people need to learn not to judge that those SMs who don't have their own biokids. Imagine dealing with this crap and on top of that hearing "if you want your own kid, go have one!" It's a heartless statement, really.

Quoting liltigersmom:

Oh wow



I'm so sorry :(



It sucks when women want to have a babies, but can't.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jessiesluv
by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:51 AM

I agree. 100%!

Quoting newstepmom61811:

Or worse yet being accused of wanting to steal someone else's because you can't have your own. Yes it happens, those crazies are on the 5 o'clock news for murdering new moms and stealing the newborns or stealing newborns from hospitals. The baggage that comes with being a SM and the fact that the kids don't attach to you that way, not the way to steal a kid, by becoming a SM, too much shit to deal with. Those are assanine and ignorant statements.


Quoting jessiesluv:

Sucks just isn't the word for it.

But, just like other situations, people need to learn not to judge that those SMs who don't have their own biokids. Imagine dealing with this crap and on top of that hearing "if you want your own kid, go have one!" It's a heartless statement, really.

Quoting liltigersmom:

Oh wow



I'm so sorry :(



It sucks when women want to have a babies, but can't.




OregonMom80
by on May. 5, 2012 at 12:33 PM

I've had some issues in the past with carrying a pregnancy to term.  DH and I are just getting ready to start trying, but not sure what will happen yet.  I can totally relate to the feeling of wanting your own child though.  It's become something I think about constantly.

If we couldn't though, I wouldn't have a problem with adoption, but DH isn't sure how he feels about it.  If I raised the child from being a baby and no other parents had a claim on the baby I think after a brief period I would feel the same as if they were my own.

(((hugs))) to you.  I have a friend who is struggling with TTC right now and I know it can be really difficult.

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