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DH has a way with words :\

Posted by on May. 5, 2012 at 10:07 AM
  • 11 Replies

Hi Ladies!

I'm new to the boards.  I have a DD who is 7 and Stepon who is 6.

Recently my stepson moved in with us.  He's a wonderful little boy. No issue whatsoever with him.   He ended up with us because Mom recently lost her place to live and called us to pick him up early for the summer.  So unfortunately he had to transfer to a new school for the 3rd time this year for only a few weeks.  Mom is a great mom from what I see so there's not issue with parenting.

Now to my actual problem..I was putting stepson to bed last week and he told me that he's staying with us next year because dad told me, "it was his choice".  Needless to say I was not pleased because we both know that Mom intends to take him back at the end of summer (pending she has somewhere to live).  I am not sure how to tell him that it's not his choice.  I've already gotten on to my DH for telling this to him.  My fear is that his mom will never let him come visit again if stepson says it his choice to stay.  DH has no visitation order with the court so if she decides to never let him come to us again, that's how it will.   Until he can get the money to go to court and file for some kind of visitation.

What do I say to make him understand that we'd love him to stay but he has to go back to mom's? 

by on May. 5, 2012 at 10:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
newstepmom61811
by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this
What do I say to make him understand that we'd love him to stay but he has to go back to mom's? 

You don't say anything. DH fixes his mistake...
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jessiesluv
by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:28 AM

I agree. You don't say anything. This is dad's deal. You don't need to be involved and your dh is crazy for not having a CO.

jessiesluv
by on May. 5, 2012 at 11:29 AM

Not having a CO is just asking for problems. Be prepared, you have several years of this if you keep waiting for money to get the CO. He needs to protect himself now.

SCMommy78
by on May. 5, 2012 at 7:24 PM

I figured as much.  It's like he doesnt get why I told him it's not good to tell stepson that.  I am a BM and a SM.  I've had my ups and downs with my ex's new wife.  She's overstepped her  boundaries a million times.  I guess I'm trying really hard to make sure that I never do that to Stepson's mom.

When DH and I started to date and we started talking about his son I asked him about a visitation plan.  Apparently he thought since he had a child support order it meant he had visitation.  I have schooled him since...lo

I still am just thinking what was he thinking?! lol

chanizen
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2012 at 7:49 PM
This....

Plus op, I agree "poking the bear" by sending ss back to bm thinking he can just say the word and live with dad,.. Dense beyond belief. Damaging to the child and sorta an underhanded, passive aggressive move. Are you sure you want to be part of the drama this man will create?


Quoting jessiesluv:

Not having a CO is just asking for problems. Be prepared, you have several years of this if you keep waiting for money to get the CO. He needs to protect himself now.


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SCMommy78
by on May. 5, 2012 at 9:21 PM
I don't think DH meant it like that. He's on great terms with his ex. But I'm trying make him understand that you must choose your words wisely with children. I told him not to mention anything of the sort to SS and let's just enjoy our summer together. Then he and his ex can see what her living situation is, if she has a place or is still staying with
friends.
I don't think he realizes how crucial it is think before you speak to a child. Just my opinion but DH and BM are just way too open with SS...the first thing he said was mommy can't take care of me so I'm going to stay here for awhile. Kinda think that's grown up problem that a 6 year old shouldn't have to be aware of. Now I'm rambling! lol
I stay out of things though...i only forward her emails from SS's teacher and that's pretty much it. I don't really think I have much business being any more involved than that.
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E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2012 at 10:41 PM

all of this

Quoting chanizen:

This....

Plus op, I agree "poking the bear" by sending ss back to bm thinking he can just say the word and live with dad,.. Dense beyond belief. Damaging to the child and sorta an underhanded, passive aggressive move. Are you sure you want to be part of the drama this man will create?


Quoting jessiesluv:

Not having a CO is just asking for problems. Be prepared, you have several years of this if you keep waiting for money to get the CO. He needs to protect himself now.



zannahdeux
by Silver Member on May. 6, 2012 at 9:36 AM
Sorry! Good luck...my dh keeps thinking he will get custody of sd someday but doesn't want to go to court so he is in la la land...bm can't afford to give up the cs...just don't say anything at all except " you are always welcome in this house." leave it at that
Refurbished
by on May. 6, 2012 at 11:46 AM

My parents did this, and I cannot tell you how awful I felt being put in a position where I had to reject one of my parents. 

rainmommy
by on May. 6, 2012 at 11:53 AM

you dont dont say anything he will figure it out  for himself when you guys have to drop him off at his moms at the end of the summer

 

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