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New!! And in need of help!

Posted by on May. 7, 2012 at 9:46 AM
  • 12 Replies
So first off, my name is danielle, and i have three kids from my last marriage and one step son, four total. I also want to point out before hand that i know my step son has real underlinned issues and we begin seeling a counceler next week. I am more looking for someone to relate to, i feel so alone!

That being said here goes nothing. My step son was neglected emotionally by his real mo, she did drugs after he was born, would forget to feed him, only changed his diaper when it was soaked, she didnt play with love hug or show any affection. Thank god my now husband began to notice things werent right ( he worked all day ) and he threw her out and got a divorce, she sence moved and my step son has not seen her in 5 years, he is now only 6. Because of all that happened he has some attachment issues and other undiagnosed problems. He doesnt like me, i think. He wont look at me, or talk to me, wont eat for me, get dressed or brush his teath, he crys to his dad to feed cloth and do all things for him, he clings to him more than normal (ae, cant eat dinner without touching his dads arm non stop) so anyway long story short, does anyone have a step child suffering from long term effects of neglect as an infant? Does anything help? I want to be closer with my step son but i cant even stand in the same room with him because he will leave. I feel horrible and heart broken.


Please no bashing, i am not abusive or neglectful.
by on May. 7, 2012 at 9:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
cc77
by Member on May. 7, 2012 at 10:27 AM

How long have you both been together?  Are you living together? 

If it has just been him and dad for 5 years it could just be that this new situation where dad is with the woman that is taking all of his time and has other kids that might take his dads time as well.  He is young and it takes time to adjust.  I would just continue to give him love and attention and be understanding.  In time he will adjust, but if he has not had a woman in his life he may be worried and not trust in that bond.

Time... Good Luck.

Mckenze1
by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:30 AM
I moved in when he was 21 months old...
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2012 at 10:31 AM

Are you the first woman his father dated since his mother left?

How long have you been with his Dad?

Does your SS react the same way to other family members (grandparents, aunts, etc?)

jeriballinger
by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:31 AM

I guess it depends.. hoe long have you and SO been together? My SS got very jealous when I permanantly came into the picture.. he was used to having his dad all to himself and he was VERY spoiled..things have gotten better in time now he's 10 and relizes that i'm there for him in ways his real mom never was or will be :) good luck!

mdwinter
by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:32 AM

I would suggest trying to do something with him that he really enjoys!  Make it where it can be just you and him, no one else!  Good luck and I hope things work out for you.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2012 at 10:32 AM


Quoting Mckenze1:

I moved in when he was 21 months old...

Did he behave this way toward you from the beginning, or did this just start?

Is he like this in school? how does he interact with other children his age, does he have friends?

how much time does his father spend with him?

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 7, 2012 at 10:33 AM

How long have you been in dad and son's life?

Mckenze1
by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:33 AM
We got married when my stepson was 2.5 yrs old, i moved in just before he turned two, i have been around 4 years now, thats my concern, i am not new, he has always known me, and doesnt remember his mom, but i think he has bad effects from her neglect that he isnt aware of and cant help, but it makes it hard to live with
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 7, 2012 at 10:35 AM


Quoting Mckenze1:

We got married when my stepson was 2.5 yrs old, i moved in just before he turned two, i have been around 4 years now, thats my concern, i am not new, he has always known me, and doesnt remember his mom, but i think he has bad effects from her neglect that he isnt aware of and cant help, but it makes it hard to live with

How was his behavior to you before?  Has he always been like this or is it a recent thing?

Mckenze1
by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:35 AM
Quoting whatIknownow:




Yes hes always been like this. His dad is around every day, i work weekends and hes with the kids so i know they spend time with him, and me. He has provlems in school, bullying cheating, wont talk to teacher either, he covers his face when women talk to him, hes ok with his grandmother but acts like a baby around her and she allows it.
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