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What happened?? =(

Posted by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:08 AM
  • 4 Replies

So, we got SO's daughter back a week ago and things are so....different. She cries about EVERYthing. If SO asks her to sit on the potty, put her shoes on, change into her jammies, eat her food or whenever he tells her no...she sticks out her bottom lip and pouts or else bursts into tears and runs into her room and cries for 10 minutes. Unless he is being nice and playing with her, she is either pouting or crying. She only talks in a pouty or whiny voice now when asking for things like she is scared or like if she doesn't get the answer she wants, she will bring hell down on him.

With me.....it is even worse. I ask her to do ANYthing, she cries and screams for her daddy. I wake her up in the morning to get her dressed, she sees me and bursts into tears and won't stop crying and whining until her dad shows up. I make dinner and she won't eat it unless her dad makes it. I go to play toys with her and she cries and won't play with me and just screams for her dad. She acts like she is terrified of me. The other day I was helping SO pick out clothes for her and she would just hide behind his legs. He told her to go to me to get dressed and left the room so she couldn't hide and it was the end of the world for her.

WHAT HAPPENED?! I used to have so much fun with this little girl. We had frustrating moments like with any 2 year olds but otherwise we would play, make food together, read books together, go to the park together and have fun. She wants nothing to do with me anymore and I don't know what I did. =( This little girl used to be happy all the time...she wouldn't really pout. She would have her tantrums but not like this all the time. Her mom always claimed that she would make her hate us....what if she did? Will I ever get my SO's daughter to like me again? Or is this just an adjustment phase??

by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:08 AM
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Replies (1-4):
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 7, 2012 at 10:21 AM
1 mom liked this

She's probably confused what with all the drama going on with your custody situation with her BM.  That, and BM could most likely not have been real discreet about the conflict that she's had/having with you and SO.

I'd give her some time and lots of love.  She's probably scare and confused and not exactly sure HOW to act around you and SO.  You might want to talk to her pediatrician about what's going on.  Not sure about therapy at her age, but if she's able to communicate and tell someone how she feels, it's a possibility.

laughnchica
by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:10 AM

BUMP!

DDDaysh
by on May. 7, 2012 at 3:56 PM
5 moms liked this

She's 2.  She's confused, traumatized even, with the switching back and forth.  I think this probably has less to do with you than with a fear of losing Daddy.  Just be patient with it.  

And, as bad as this is going to sound, try to think of her like a stray animal you're trying to train.  You don't find a puppy on the corner and get to take it home and play fetch.  You have to get an animal used to you, to your scent, to your voice, to your touch, etc.  

I think you'll probably have to rebuild your relationship with the little girl the same way.  Pretend like you're just meeting her.  Make sure Daddy is meeting all her actual needs right now and that she feels secure with him, but be around, in the background.  When her relationship with her father seems to be improving, then start coming in more.  Make her a snack.  Play a game.  Read a story.  Do fun things like that.  When she gets a little braver, take her to the park or somewhere fun for a little bit of 1 on 1 time.  Then move back into more caretaking by cooking supper, brushing her hair, etc.  Make sure your relationship is back to being pretty solid before you start being the one having to lay down boundaries, since even if this is like building the relationship anew, it really isn't the first time, and she's a little gun shy now.  

ShannaBee
by on May. 7, 2012 at 4:53 PM
1 mom liked this

This is good advice no matter how unconventional it is, I like it.

Quoting DDDaysh:

She's 2.  She's confused, traumatized even, with the switching back and forth.  I think this probably has less to do with you than with a fear of losing Daddy.  Just be patient with it.  

And, as bad as this is going to sound, try to think of her like a stray animal you're trying to train.  You don't find a puppy on the corner and get to take it home and play fetch.  You have to get an animal used to you, to your scent, to your voice, to your touch, etc.  

I think you'll probably have to rebuild your relationship with the little girl the same way.  Pretend like you're just meeting her.  Make sure Daddy is meeting all her actual needs right now and that she feels secure with him, but be around, in the background.  When her relationship with her father seems to be improving, then start coming in more.  Make her a snack.  Play a game.  Read a story.  Do fun things like that.  When she gets a little braver, take her to the park or somewhere fun for a little bit of 1 on 1 time.  Then move back into more caretaking by cooking supper, brushing her hair, etc.  Make sure your relationship is back to being pretty solid before you start being the one having to lay down boundaries, since even if this is like building the relationship anew, it really isn't the first time, and she's a little gun shy now.  


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