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How do you explain it to you bkids?

Posted by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:20 AM
  • 34 Replies

I have 3 skids and have slowly over the past two years had to disengage because BM was back in the picture, and honestly, I had to for my own sanity.  I let DH make decisions about his children in our home.  I have 2 bkids and they see their siblings getting away with things I would never allow them to do.  At our house bedtime used to be bedtime.  I still enforce the bedtime rule with my 2 children, but DH doesn't really enforce it with his kids.  They are older, so that's how I explain it to my kids.  But there are other "rules" that we have that DH has stopped making skids follow.  One example is we never let our kids stay over at friends' houses on school nights.  DH lets SD do it all the time now, but I still won't let my DS.  He gets so upset because I won't let him and she gets to.  DS has ADHD and is very unorganized and needs structure and routine in order to functuion, I don't feel comfortable letting him stay away on school nights because I'm afraid he won't do his homework, or get enough sleep, or even take all of his belongings to school with him the next day.  I guess my questions is does anyone else have this problem? How do you justify to your bkids the fact that skids don't have to follow the same rules?

by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2012 at 11:24 AM
1 mom liked this

Simple. 'Those aren't my children, you guys are and so you better act like it.' 

Ms.Gwen
by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:25 AM
Simple. Tell your bios the skids have diffrent parents, hence different rules. Stick to that. Every kid thinks the grass is greener at their friends house. This is the same thing as a kid saying "but Johnny's parents let him!" simple answer "you aren't Johnny and I'm not his parent."
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angelmommy2806
by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:25 AM
Luckily Ds is still young enough it doesn't bother him. Both Ss's do see that DH let's SD get away with more. It's really come back to bite him lately. Have you talked to your DH about this?
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braezmommy89
by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:29 AM
1 mom liked this
In our household ALL the kids follow the same rules.. That way we dont have the problem your having.
I dont believe in seperate rules for seperate kids.. thats how feelings get hurt and families get torn apart.

*Im not bashing you mamma just saying thats why we dont do it here.
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Kholt
by Member on May. 7, 2012 at 11:30 AM
1 mom liked this

Its a huge problem in our house and SS is close in age with mine  all i can do is say well i told you the rules and if SS isnt forced to follow them doesnt mean u get away with it. But i find myself bending my own rules anyway.  I have compromised myself way more than i ever should have and now im paying for it. but i feel like im the only one here who had to give in.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on May. 7, 2012 at 11:30 AM

"She has different parents, that's why she has different rules."

beaularson91
by Janice on May. 7, 2012 at 11:33 AM
You need to talk to your husband they are living in your home to and there are rules no exceptions
rocknmom85
by Silver Member on May. 7, 2012 at 11:41 AM

I would not like that dynamic at all but I get that that is the situation you are in. If I had bios close to the age of my stepkids we would enforce family rules that all kids must abide by in our home. The rules at BM's house we can't control but at least my kids would not see the difference. I actaully don't have any bios at all so this is not an issue, and if I do have any at this point they would be much younger then stepkids.

MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on May. 7, 2012 at 11:44 AM

In our house, all 3 of our kids have the same rules, doesn't matter whose kid they are. They also have the same consequenses if they fail to abide by those rules. Makes it really easy at our house. My ex isn't in the picture a whole lot with my bio kids and we have SD 50/50. BM has never said anything about me having a say in what goes on in my own house.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on May. 7, 2012 at 11:48 AM

I am wondering why DH changed the rules for his kids just because their mother came back on the scene. Why did he enforce the rules before but has stopped enforcing them now? BM being back in the picture has nothing to do with the rules in his house for his kids.

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