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How do you explain it to you bkids?

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I have 3 skids and have slowly over the past two years had to disengage because BM was back in the picture, and honestly, I had to for my own sanity.  I let DH make decisions about his children in our home.  I have 2 bkids and they see their siblings getting away with things I would never allow them to do.  At our house bedtime used to be bedtime.  I still enforce the bedtime rule with my 2 children, but DH doesn't really enforce it with his kids.  They are older, so that's how I explain it to my kids.  But there are other "rules" that we have that DH has stopped making skids follow.  One example is we never let our kids stay over at friends' houses on school nights.  DH lets SD do it all the time now, but I still won't let my DS.  He gets so upset because I won't let him and she gets to.  DS has ADHD and is very unorganized and needs structure and routine in order to functuion, I don't feel comfortable letting him stay away on school nights because I'm afraid he won't do his homework, or get enough sleep, or even take all of his belongings to school with him the next day.  I guess my questions is does anyone else have this problem? How do you justify to your bkids the fact that skids don't have to follow the same rules?

by on May. 7, 2012 at 11:20 AM
Replies (31-34):
court_1989
by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:14 PM
Quoting braezmommy89:

In our household ALL the kids follow the same rules.. That way we dont have the problem your having.
I dont believe in seperate rules for seperate kids.. thats how feelings get hurt and families get torn apart.

*Im not bashing you mamma just saying thats why we dont do it here.



Same here. It rules of house not the parents rules. It also not fair to have two sets of rules for same house. Like said that how feelings hurt and resentment builds
OregonMom80
by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:37 PM
I'd talk to DH about it. In some cases, older kid, different rules makes sense. When we were teens, we had a different bedtime than my younger sibs. If one of his is 13the and one of yours 12 though, having different rules looks like favoritism. Not my kids doesn't really work. Hey are all DH's kids & your biokids will feel he's playing favorites or mom is the mean parent. Not a good dynamic. DH cares less about getting physical activity and eating well than I do, but we had a long talk about how we're planning to have a kid soon and does he really want two different sets of rules? There are some things I let slide, like the kid insists on fries when we get fast food, so we just rarely ever eat it. I'd rather my kid get apple fries, but that might be tough if big brother gets normal fries. In terms of no school overnights, my mom was a nazi about it when we were kids, but we could have friends over instead. With the youngest two, they did it all the time lol.
cnsfam3
by on May. 8, 2012 at 1:05 PM

We have this issue all the time and I have talked with DS and DD and asked them how SD's behave. They say they are mean, steal, lie, don't listen, are brats, break things, have tantrums. I then say, well do you want to behave like that and they say NO WAY. I say, well that's how children that have no rules or discipline are and you can use them as an example of what you don't want to be! I also tell them that since DH only has them 30-40% of the time he doesn't want to give them rules because he thinks they won't love him anymore and I don't have that same concern with DS or DD because I know we all love each other no matter what! But, that's how we work the three of us!

andie646c
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2012 at 1:13 PM

Different kids have different rules, discipline, etc. Even in the same house with the same parents.

I was never allowed to walk to school alone in elementary school. I was under the impression that it was because it's safer to travel in a group (so, my brother and I walked together). When I moved on to another school and my brother stayed behind at the elementary though you can only imagine how upset I was that he got to walk alone! It didn't take long for me to discover it was because I was a girl (different kid, different rule).

My brother is a strong willed, hot tempered person. Always has been. One day he got mad and kicked our wooden fence. My mom saw him so she went over and grabbed the part that was broken and spanked him with it. If I had broken the fence in the same way then I might have been sent to my room for an hour or so. (different kid, different punishment)

Not all children are the same nor do they all need the same things. Even you have acknowledged that your DS requires structure and routine to function ... not all children do in the same manner.

SO would break out the, "Because I said so" in these instances ;) I, on the other hand, would probably just tell the child, "Well, you aren't him/her". DS is not SS and SS is not DS, different children, different needs.

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