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Ill be honest... *update*

Posted by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:40 AM
  • 36 Replies
1 mom liked this
I dont have the same exact love for my sk's as I do my dd and ds.... I love them as my own and treat them as my own but I "feel" differently.. Its really hard to explain. Or maybe not, maybe some of you relate?

Also...
1. Do you feel that sm and bd shouldnt be together if sm cant form a bond with sk's?
2.Do you feel its harder to bond with older sk's?
3.Do you sometimes dread eowe visits?
4.Do you feel your so has a stronger bond with your children together than he does his kids he sees eowe?

In my opinion my answer to 1 is... No, if sm and bd are in love and commited then sm's bond with sk's has little to nothing to do with their relationship. It can make it very hard but sometimes sk's bm has them so brain washed, that its impossible to "bond"
2. I do feel its harder to bond with older sk's because they understand more and have formed opinions and been "taught" a certain way.. meaning bm can trash talk and they understand, and since its their mom they just go with it

*Thank you to all you lovely sm's who took the time to comment.. I think maybe being 8 months pregnant and trying to force myself to "feel" the same about my sk's as I do my bio kids got the best of me last night and I needed to vent in a way.
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by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Bunni23
by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:46 AM
Im going to be a sm & to be honest its hard to bond with sk. I would never hurt them. But it doesnt feel the same. But in the past I have felt protective if I ever heard bm wanting to some how hurt him, emotionally or what ever then I feel my maternal instincts kick in. I do it cause I love my df.
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E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2012 at 12:51 AM
1 mom liked this

I dont have the same exact love for my sk's as I do my dd and ds That is normal!!.... I love them as my own and treat them as my own but I "feel" differently.. Its really hard to explain. They are not yours, so you do not love them as your own. That's the different "feel" that you have. Or maybe not, maybe some of you relate?  Yes, 99.9% of SM's relate. 

Also...
1. Do you feel that sm and bd shouldnt be together if sm cant form a bond with sk's?  No, I don't feel that way.
2.Do you feel its harder to bond with older sk's? In my case, it wasn't. BUT every sitch is different.
3.Do you sometimes dread eowe visits? I'm CSM, but I think if I wasn't.....there would be times (alot of times) that I would dread eowe.
4.Do you feel your so has a stronger bond with your children together than he does his kids he sees eowe? I can't answer this one. We are CPs


braezmommy89
by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:54 AM
My sk's bm is HORRIBLE to them and it breaks my heart.. Horrible in a sense she doesnt teach them manners, she talks trash about df and I in front of the kids and includes them in the convo, she tells them they are more important to df than our 2 together, she calls them fat ugly stupid, she refuses to buy them their bare essentials even WITH cs shed rather get tattoos, she tells them not to listen to us, she talks about her sex life in front of them.. The list goes on.
So when df tries to correct their behavior they end up crying and telling bm hes being mean and they dont want to come over.. They have played the divorce pretty well...

Its getting better with time and consistency but its draining emotionally and physically.. for both of us, and we have had to pull ourselves together and not let it break us apart cause thats exactly what bm wants and is trying to do.


Quoting Bunni23:

Im going to be a sm & to be honest its hard to bond with sk. I would never hurt them. But it doesnt feel the same. But in the past I have felt protective if I ever heard bm wanting to some how hurt him, emotionally or what ever then I feel my maternal instincts kick in. I do it cause I love my df.

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Marie9076
by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:56 AM
1 mom liked this
This is me too.

Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

I dont have the same exact love for my sk's as I do my dd and ds That is normal!!.... I love them as my own and treat them as my own but I "feel" differently.. Its really hard to explain. They are not yours, so you do not love them as your own. That's the different "feel" that you have. Or maybe not, maybe some of you relate?  Yes, 99.9% of SM's relate. 

Also...
1. Do you feel that sm and bd shouldnt be together if sm cant form a bond with sk's?  No, I don't feel that way.
2.Do you feel its harder to bond with older sk's? In my case, it wasn't. BUT every sitch is different.
3.Do you sometimes dread eowe visits? I'm CSM, but I think if I wasn't.....there would be times (alot of times) that I would dread eowe.
4.Do you feel your so has a stronger bond with your children together than he does his kids he sees eowe? I can't answer this one. We are CPs




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braezmommy89
by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:57 AM
Is it possible to treat them as your own and not love them as your own??

No sarcasm.. im serious...


Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

I dont have the same exact love for my sk's as I do my dd and ds That is normal!!.... I love them as my own and treat them as my own but I "feel" differently.. Its really hard to explain. They are not yours, so you do not love them as your own. That's the different "feel" that you have. Or maybe not, maybe some of you relate?  Yes, 99.9% of SM's relate. 

Also...
1. Do you feel that sm and bd shouldnt be together if sm cant form a bond with sk's?  No, I don't feel that way.
2.Do you feel its harder to bond with older sk's? In my case, it wasn't. BUT every sitch is different.
3.Do you sometimes dread eowe visits? I'm CSM, but I think if I wasn't.....there would be times (alot of times) that I would dread eowe.
4.Do you feel your so has a stronger bond with your children together than he does his kids he sees eowe? I can't answer this one. We are CPs



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braezmommy89
by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:59 AM
Do you feel its possible to treat them as my own...but not love them as my own???




Quoting Marie9076:

This is me too.


Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

I dont have the same exact love for my sk's as I do my dd and ds That is normal!!.... I love them as my own and treat them as my own but I "feel" differently.. Its really hard to explain. They are not yours, so you do not love them as your own. That's the different "feel" that you have. Or maybe not, maybe some of you relate?  Yes, 99.9% of SM's relate. 

Also...
1. Do you feel that sm and bd shouldnt be together if sm cant form a bond with sk's?  No, I don't feel that way.
2.Do you feel its harder to bond with older sk's? In my case, it wasn't. BUT every sitch is different.
3.Do you sometimes dread eowe visits? I'm CSM, but I think if I wasn't.....there would be times (alot of times) that I would dread eowe.
4.Do you feel your so has a stronger bond with your children together than he does his kids he sees eowe? I can't answer this one. We are CPs






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mom2cheesebug
by on May. 8, 2012 at 1:01 AM

When i met SO my SD was only 1 and still in diapers. Her bio mom was mad at SO and left SS and SD both at his home and would only pick them up for a few hours a month. I became very attatched to them, i potty trained SD, bottle broke her and binkie broke her, taught her her numbers, took SS to his first day of school, first field trip, watched him learn how to write his name, i love them the same as my Bio DD. But i do have a different bond with her, because she came out of me. I don't love her any more or less, just a different bond.

I do believe when you marry someone you marry their children too, so if SM can't be decent to the kids, or they hate her so much its causing tension, then the dad should not move in with SM until that bond is formed where they can be decent to each other and live in peace.

I have never dreaded a visit from SK's, i absolutly love having them and adore them in every way.

I wouldn't know about bonding with older SK's because mine were just 1 and 3 when i got with SO and i had already met and known them long before we started dating.

I do have a stronger bond with my DD because i made her and i am her mother. My Sk's are my world too, but i did not make them, thats a bond shared and reserved for their mother, i would never want to take that away from them. But i do love them the same.

Bunni23
by on May. 8, 2012 at 1:10 AM
Ok. This whole time I dont feel a bond with ss. Sometimes I do adore him. But I felt like a horriable person for not having more feelings like his dad does. It confuses me plus being pregnant plus taking care of him is exhausting. Not only that but having big life changes...

Quoting braezmommy89:

My sk's bm is HORRIBLE to them and it breaks my heart.. Horrible in a sense she doesnt teach them manners, she talks trash about df and I in front of the kids and includes them in the convo, she tells them they are more important to df than our 2 together, she calls them fat ugly stupid, she refuses to buy them their bare essentials even WITH cs shed rather get tattoos, she tells them not to listen to us, she talks about her sex life in front of them.. The list goes on.

So when df tries to correct their behavior they end up crying and telling bm hes being mean and they dont want to come over.. They have played the divorce pretty well...



Its getting better with time and consistency but its draining emotionally and physically.. for both of us, and we have had to pull ourselves together and not let it break us apart cause thats exactly what bm wants and is trying to do.




Quoting Bunni23:

Im going to be a sm & to be honest its hard to bond with sk. I would never hurt them. But it doesnt feel the same. But in the past I have felt protective if I ever heard bm wanting to some how hurt him, emotionally or what ever then I feel my maternal instincts kick in. I do it cause I love my df.

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E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2012 at 1:11 AM

Good question. The answer is...no. They have a mom. Your roll as a eowe SM is to be like the fun auntie type. 

I'm CSM to 3 SK's and 2 bio and I also raised my brother. I have been CSM for 7yrs, and I don't treat my SK's the same. I have higher standards for my kids. I cuddle more with my kids, and yes....I feel guilty about it at times. Then I remind myself that my Sk's need affection too. Being a SM is the hardest job in the world. The affection doesn't just come naturally. 


Quoting braezmommy89:

Is it possible to treat them as your own and not love them as your own??

No sarcasm.. im serious...


Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

I dont have the same exact love for my sk's as I do my dd and ds That is normal!!.... I love them as my own and treat them as my own but I "feel" differently.. Its really hard to explain. They are not yours, so you do not love them as your own. That's the different "feel" that you have. Or maybe not, maybe some of you relate?  Yes, 99.9% of SM's relate. 

Also...
1. Do you feel that sm and bd shouldnt be together if sm cant form a bond with sk's?  No, I don't feel that way.
2.Do you feel its harder to bond with older sk's? In my case, it wasn't. BUT every sitch is different.
3.Do you sometimes dread eowe visits? I'm CSM, but I think if I wasn't.....there would be times (alot of times) that I would dread eowe.
4.Do you feel your so has a stronger bond with your children together than he does his kids he sees eowe? I can't answer this one. We are CPs




annabl1970
by Gold Member on May. 8, 2012 at 1:18 AM


Quoting braezmommy89:

Do you feel its possible to treat them as my own...but not love them as my own???
I think that what I would do, if SD lived with us.



Quoting Marie9076:

This is me too.


Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

I dont have the same exact love for my sk's as I do my dd and ds That is normal!!.... I love them as my own and treat them as my own but I "feel" differently.. Its really hard to explain. They are not yours, so you do not love them as your own. That's the different "feel" that you have. Or maybe not, maybe some of you relate?  Yes, 99.9% of SM's relate. 

Also...
1. Do you feel that sm and bd shouldnt be together if sm cant form a bond with sk's?  No, I don't feel that way.
2.Do you feel its harder to bond with older sk's? In my case, it wasn't. BUT every sitch is different.
3.Do you sometimes dread eowe visits? I'm CSM, but I think if I wasn't.....there would be times (alot of times) that I would dread eowe.
4.Do you feel your so has a stronger bond with your children together than he does his kids he sees eowe? I can't answer this one. We are CPs







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