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Ill be honest... *update*

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I dont have the same exact love for my sk's as I do my dd and ds.... I love them as my own and treat them as my own but I "feel" differently.. Its really hard to explain. Or maybe not, maybe some of you relate?

Also...
1. Do you feel that sm and bd shouldnt be together if sm cant form a bond with sk's?
2.Do you feel its harder to bond with older sk's?
3.Do you sometimes dread eowe visits?
4.Do you feel your so has a stronger bond with your children together than he does his kids he sees eowe?

In my opinion my answer to 1 is... No, if sm and bd are in love and commited then sm's bond with sk's has little to nothing to do with their relationship. It can make it very hard but sometimes sk's bm has them so brain washed, that its impossible to "bond"
2. I do feel its harder to bond with older sk's because they understand more and have formed opinions and been "taught" a certain way.. meaning bm can trash talk and they understand, and since its their mom they just go with it

*Thank you to all you lovely sm's who took the time to comment.. I think maybe being 8 months pregnant and trying to force myself to "feel" the same about my sk's as I do my bio kids got the best of me last night and I needed to vent in a way.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:40 AM
Replies (31-36):
TankGirlie
by on May. 8, 2012 at 2:45 PM

I find that I do love my sks differently. I sometimes feel guilty for not loving them as much as I love DS and I don't want to admit it to my SO because he only gets to see them whenever it's convenient for the BM. My SO loves my DS very much and I don't ever doubt that, but I wish sometimes that I could feel that level of adoration toward his kids.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2012 at 6:32 PM


Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

I'm going to get bashed for this, but I truly think of SD in the same way that I think of my bio-kids. Maybe it's different because I can into her life when she was so young and she had never had BM in her life (literally 5-10 minute visits here and there the entire first year and a half of her life) until AFTER DH and I were married.

It was very easy for me to bond with SD, I was the first mother figure in her daily life.

I too was the only women in their lives. My SS was 5 when DH and I got married. Bm left when he was 3. I'm the only mom he knows, but that does not mean that I love him as my own. Close...very close, but nope. 

I think of it as the same with adoptive moms. My love for SD wouldn't change if I adopted her. DH and I have discussed adoption, and I don't think I'd love any adopted children any less than I love the kids I currently have.

tnnikkij
by on May. 8, 2012 at 6:41 PM
I think the bond can be different with the age. I became sm when my d was 8 mos old. I think of it as if we adopted. I love both my dd & ds the same. I gave birth to ds. I gave my heart to dd.
Bunni23
by on May. 8, 2012 at 7:10 PM

He is 16 months.

Quoting braezmommy89:

I think thats normal!! Its been 3 years for me and im still overwhelmed at times....

How old is your ss?


Quoting Bunni23:

Ok. This whole time I dont feel a bond with ss. Sometimes I do adore him. But I felt like a horriable person for not having more feelings like his dad does. It confuses me plus being pregnant plus taking care of him is exhausting. Not only that but having big life changes...



Quoting braezmommy89:

My sk's bm is HORRIBLE to them and it breaks my heart.. Horrible in a sense she doesnt teach them manners, she talks trash about df and I in front of the kids and includes them in the convo, she tells them they are more important to df than our 2 together, she calls them fat ugly stupid, she refuses to buy them their bare essentials even WITH cs shed rather get tattoos, she tells them not to listen to us, she talks about her sex life in front of them.. The list goes on.


So when df tries to correct their behavior they end up crying and telling bm hes being mean and they dont want to come over.. They have played the divorce pretty well...





Its getting better with time and consistency but its draining emotionally and physically.. for both of us, and we have had to pull ourselves together and not let it break us apart cause thats exactly what bm wants and is trying to do.






Quoting Bunni23:

Im going to be a sm & to be honest its hard to bond with sk. I would never hurt them. But it doesnt feel the same. But in the past I have felt protective if I ever heard bm wanting to some how hurt him, emotionally or what ever then I feel my maternal instincts kick in. I do it cause I love my df.



braezmommy89
by on May. 8, 2012 at 7:15 PM
Hes still young....
Your never gonna feel for him like your df does. Your not his father.

I think being pregnant..being engaged...having a ss who is still young, ya you got some BIG life changes!

If you ever need any one to talk to, im here :)


Quoting Bunni23:

He is 16 months.

Quoting braezmommy89:

I think thats normal!! Its been 3 years for me and im still overwhelmed at times....



How old is your ss?





Quoting Bunni23:

Ok. This whole time I dont feel a bond with ss. Sometimes I do adore him. But I felt like a horriable person for not having more feelings like his dad does. It confuses me plus being pregnant plus taking care of him is exhausting. Not only that but having big life changes...





Quoting braezmommy89:

My sk's bm is HORRIBLE to them and it breaks my heart.. Horrible in a sense she doesnt teach them manners, she talks trash about df and I in front of the kids and includes them in the convo, she tells them they are more important to df than our 2 together, she calls them fat ugly stupid, she refuses to buy them their bare essentials even WITH cs shed rather get tattoos, she tells them not to listen to us, she talks about her sex life in front of them.. The list goes on.



So when df tries to correct their behavior they end up crying and telling bm hes being mean and they dont want to come over.. They have played the divorce pretty well...







Its getting better with time and consistency but its draining emotionally and physically.. for both of us, and we have had to pull ourselves together and not let it break us apart cause thats exactly what bm wants and is trying to do.









Quoting Bunni23:

Im going to be a sm & to be honest its hard to bond with sk. I would never hurt them. But it doesnt feel the same. But in the past I have felt protective if I ever heard bm wanting to some how hurt him, emotionally or what ever then I feel my maternal instincts kick in. I do it cause I love my df.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2012 at 7:20 PM


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:


Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

I'm going to get bashed for this, but I truly think of SD in the same way that I think of my bio-kids. Maybe it's different because I can into her life when she was so young and she had never had BM in her life (literally 5-10 minute visits here and there the entire first year and a half of her life) until AFTER DH and I were married.

It was very easy for me to bond with SD, I was the first mother figure in her daily life.

I too was the only women in their lives. My SS was 5 when DH and I got married. Bm left when he was 3. I'm the only mom he knows, but that does not mean that I love him as my own. Close...very close, but nope. 

I think of it as the same with adoptive moms. My love for SD wouldn't change if I adopted her. DH and I have discussed adoption, and I don't think I'd love any adopted children any less than I love the kids I currently have.

glad I never thought of it that way. BM showed up after 10yrs of nothing 8 months ago. I had a hard time, but I think I would of had a harder time thinking that there was not a chance that could happen. 

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