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BM is having a hard time having more babies...

Posted by on May. 8, 2012 at 2:22 AM
  • 15 Replies

and I just found out I'm pregnant.  She and I aren't besties by any means,  but we maintain a good friendly relationship.  I'm really worried about telling her and hurting her feelings,  as she just found out recently that both of her tubes were fully blocked and she is either going to have to have surgery or IVF or both.  Any ideas on how to approach this whole thing without looking like I'm trying to rub it in her face?

by on May. 8, 2012 at 2:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gotchoo
by on May. 8, 2012 at 2:29 AM

BUMP!

angelmommy2806
by on May. 8, 2012 at 7:22 AM
1 mom liked this
How much contact do you have with her? I probably wouldn't tell her cause its not her business.
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ErinRenee815
by on May. 8, 2012 at 7:28 AM
2 moms liked this

Let DH do it. That way you can't be accused of rubbing it in her face. 

MommySabs
by Gold Member on May. 8, 2012 at 9:37 AM
I agree let your dh do it.
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gotchoo
by on May. 8, 2012 at 10:42 AM

That's the problem.  Because of his work hours I am the one who does all of the pick up and drop offs.  I am also the one who she texts if she needs to schedule an 'extra' weekend,  or whatever,  because it just was easier to communicate directly rather than going through him.   

Quoting angelmommy2806:

How much contact do you have with her? I probably wouldn't tell her cause its not her business.


newstepmom61811
by on May. 8, 2012 at 10:51 AM
4 moms liked this
As someone who deals with infertility and has had to have family and friends numerous times tell me of their pregnancies, tell her yourself, early, solemnly, and tackle the elephant in the room. Most women who are struggling, the worst thing you can do is ignore it or treat it like something "bad", or no to be spoken of, it's sad, a struggle, not a dig or disgrace to the person going through it. Tell her "I know you have been trying and faced some challenges, and woman to woman, I can't imagine how that would feel (if you have not struggled with infertility DO NOT tell her you know how she feels, NO woman KNOWS how it feels unless you have face it and even each infertile woman's story is still unique), I just wanted to be respectful because you will see the changes and probably hear your kids (throw in YOUR KIDS here to gently remind her of her existing blessings) talking about it but I wanted to be up front and tell you I'm expecting." And just leave it at that. It pretty much takes the drama off the table, reminds her she has kids, pressure is off, kids are obligated to keep no secrets, and you have delivered the news on your terms, BM will not feel weird like news is being held from her or anyone in the family is being weird around her...Good Luck.
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gotchoo
by on May. 8, 2012 at 10:53 AM

That's solid advice.  Thank you so much.  I really appreciate it. 

justahousewife
by on May. 8, 2012 at 10:54 AM

You could just muse over the cost of diapers and such and ponder out loud if you should go with washable or disposable. 

While you can empathize with her pain you shouldn't feel bad about being happy that you're pregnant. 

She'll have to figure out how to deal with the idea. 

Congrats! :)

Bunni23
by on May. 8, 2012 at 7:14 PM

If I was you dont mention it. If it comes out of your mouth then she might think that you are being snobbish. She will eventually find out from someone. I don't know if having your DH husband mention it is a good idea either, depends on their relationship.

CherryBlossom4
by on May. 8, 2012 at 7:21 PM

This, this, this.

Quoting newstepmom61811:

As someone who deals with infertility and has had to have family and friends numerous times tell me of their pregnancies, tell her yourself, early, solemnly, and tackle the elephant in the room. Most women who are struggling, the worst thing you can do is ignore it or treat it like something "bad", or no to be spoken of, it's sad, a struggle, not a dig or disgrace to the person going through it. Tell her "I know you have been trying and faced some challenges, and woman to woman, I can't imagine how that would feel (if you have not struggled with infertility DO NOT tell her you know how she feels, NO woman KNOWS how it feels unless you have face it and even each infertile woman's story is still unique), I just wanted to be respectful because you will see the changes and probably hear your kids (throw in YOUR KIDS here to gently remind her of her existing blessings) talking about it but I wanted to be up front and tell you I'm expecting." And just leave it at that. It pretty much takes the drama off the table, reminds her she has kids, pressure is off, kids are obligated to keep no secrets, and you have delivered the news on your terms, BM will not feel weird like news is being held from her or anyone in the family is being weird around her...Good Luck.


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