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BM is having a hard time having more babies...

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and I just found out I'm pregnant.  She and I aren't besties by any means,  but we maintain a good friendly relationship.  I'm really worried about telling her and hurting her feelings,  as she just found out recently that both of her tubes were fully blocked and she is either going to have to have surgery or IVF or both.  Any ideas on how to approach this whole thing without looking like I'm trying to rub it in her face?

by on May. 8, 2012 at 2:22 AM
Replies (11-15):
Mom2Goldilocks
by on May. 8, 2012 at 8:25 PM

I think it's pretty admirable that you even care about what the BM will think & feel.That just shows the type of person you are and I think it's pretty awesome. I'm in the opposite situation. The BM has 4 (including SS) and I have 1 for now. I've felt that every time she gets pregnant or lets it be known she's TTC she throws it in my face in one way or another bc she is aware we've had issues. It's extremely hurtful. Not because I'm jealous or envious of her but because I feel her intent is cruel and it's a reminder.... I've felt the same way when friends have announced multiple pregnancies. Thankfully God has given me peace over our own personal situation and we've decided to wait longer so I'm not sensitive over it anymore. But if she's in the midst of dealing with it all right now I can see where she might get hurt. Sadly, even if you follow the advice of *NewStepmom61811* she might still feel jealous, hurt or resentful. There isn't anything you can do about that. Don't feel bad about her finding out, however you choose to let her know. You still have a right to celebrate and be happy. Hopefully one day she'll have another and you can be excited for her,



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LucyHarper
by on May. 9, 2012 at 1:42 AM

You would have to be really messed up to get pregnant just to rub it in her face because she cant get pregnant and hopefully she knows you well enough to know that that is not the case and you are not a lunatic. Just tell her that you are expecting, dont rub it in her face, just let her know and let her know that you hope her procedures go well and your stepchild will soon have two younger siblings to play with.

gotchoo
by on May. 9, 2012 at 1:52 AM
1 mom liked this

Awww.. You're sweet momma.  Thanks for the kind words.  I appreciate it.  Your situation/feeling is exactly why I want to tell her the 'right' way,  if there even is such a thing. 

Quoting Mom2Goldilocks:

I think it's pretty admirable that you even care about what the BM will think & feel.That just shows the type of person you are and I think it's pretty awesome. I'm in the opposite situation. The BM has 4 (including SS) and I have 1 for now. I've felt that every time she gets pregnant or lets it be known she's TTC she throws it in my face in one way or another bc she is aware we've had issues. It's extremely hurtful. Not because I'm jealous or envious of her but because I feel her intent is cruel and it's a reminder.... I've felt the same way when friends have announced multiple pregnancies. Thankfully God has given me peace over our own personal situation and we've decided to wait longer so I'm not sensitive over it anymore. But if she's in the midst of dealing with it all right now I can see where she might get hurt. Sadly, even if you follow the advice of *NewStepmom61811* she might still feel jealous, hurt or resentful. There isn't anything you can do about that. Don't feel bad about her finding out, however you choose to let her know. You still have a right to celebrate and be happy. Hopefully one day she'll have another and you can be excited for her,


gotchoo
by on May. 9, 2012 at 1:56 AM

Yeah,  you're probably right.  Simple and direct is probably the best way.  I just know she's gonna cry.  *sigh* 

Quoting LucyHarper:

You would have to be really messed up to get pregnant just to rub it in her face because she cant get pregnant and hopefully she knows you well enough to know that that is not the case and you are not a lunatic. Just tell her that you are expecting, dont rub it in her face, just let her know and let her know that you hope her procedures go well and your stepchild will soon have two younger siblings to play with.


CherryBlossom4
by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:19 AM

Simple and direct is good. No matter how you go about it, she is going to feel wheatever she is gong to feel. I've tried doing it a few different ways and am always in the "damed if you do and damed if you don't" situation.

What about writing it to her in a letter? You could still be direct, to the point, but caring and put a little more heart into it... which might be a little harder if you do it in person and have to see her reaction. 

Quoting gotchoo:

Yeah,  you're probably right.  Simple and direct is probably the best way.  I just know she's gonna cry.  *sigh* 

Quoting LucyHarper:

You would have to be really messed up to get pregnant just to rub it in her face because she cant get pregnant and hopefully she knows you well enough to know that that is not the case and you are not a lunatic. Just tell her that you are expecting, dont rub it in her face, just let her know and let her know that you hope her procedures go well and your stepchild will soon have two younger siblings to play with.



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