First, I would like to say that the stepmom central has helped me immensely. At least I don't feel so alone and ashamed of some feelings that I have. Thank you all for that.
So here is my story:
Five years ago I met a wonderful man and fell in love. Two years ago he asked me to marry him and we have been engaged since, but have not married. We both have a daughter who are only a month apart in age and attend the same school sytem. They are each 10. He has an 18 year old son from his first marriage. His daughter's mother, he never married. We do not have any birth children together.
We were both very sincer and concerned about blending our families. He had a bad experience with the way his daughter's mother treated his son and even though they are closer today. The meanness and verbal abuse that he experienced from her has tainted their relationship forever. So, he naturally has a sense of over-protectiveness and regret about that envolvment.
We started things out very slow and for the first few years didn't stay over each other's homes if the children were home. We finally moved in together, sold his house and was trying to sell mine and bought a house together that we moved into last July.
Here's what is NOT the problem: Great guy, love him to death. Without the kids around we are a match made in heaven and have a great time together with lots of love and passion. First wife is great, get along with her fine. His parents and family adore me and my daughter.
Here is what IS the problem: BM of his second child is a mom who is very selfish, self-absorbed, high maintenance and basically a bully and a bitch. I can't tell you how many times she has used the "damsdell in distress" routine and has used her daughter to get my fiance to "save the day". Next is his daughter who is a "mini mom" in the making. She manipulates her father. But what is worse is that she is mean and bullies my daughter. This is to only name a few. She pushes my duaghter up the stairs at school, says she is going to play with her then bails, whenever she is getting good attention, she finds a way to ruin it. When they were younger, she often time physically hurt her. These two kids couldn't be anymore oppposite. My daughter is involved in sports, music and has wonderful friends. His daughter is on the computer at least 4 hours a day and is very introverted and expresses some very strange anger and anxiety. Without going into grave detail, I was very concerned about her behavior and thought that this should be looked into. His whole family sees it, i can't tell you how many parents from school have expressed concerns and they check with me to make sure she is not there if they let their child over to my home to play with my daughter. I originally thought it was just their age and they would grow out of it, but that hasn't happened things have just gotten worse to the point that the guidence office brought me in because they were concerned about my daughter's mental well being with her affilication wtih his daughter. Anyway, ever since i expressed my concern, my fiance has been in battle with me ever since and everytime something happened he would attack me and he would actually seek to find something wrong with my daughter. At one point i had a great relationship with his son, but his dad fills him in on every detail of our relationship and know stalks my every move at home, where i go, who with, how much i drink, etc. and tells his father everything! It got to a point where the three of them just ganged up on us and totally made us feel excluded, judged us for every minor move. It was us against them!
Now, if you knew me you would know that i am not a conflict driven person. They totally drove me to a breaking point and i had to do what was best for my daughter and myself. Thankfully my house didn't sell, due to the market. I pulled most of my stuff out of there and moved me and my duaghter back home. We left a beautiful home and a beautiful neighborhood and what i thought was the most wonderful man and love of my life.
I feel so sad. It has been three months and my daughter is back up on her feet and prospering. The stress is just gone. Everyone said i made the right decision and it is clear that his children have issues. I feel stripped of everything i had dreamt for us and our children and future life together. I am not one to iniate fights, but strong enough to know when i am being bullied and taken advantage of and i am super mad at him for not supporting me, especially when i told him i was having a hard time dealing with it. He gave no respect to our relationship and just stood by his kids at all costs. He just showed them how to be more angry and supported their abusive behavior to me and my duaghter.
I knew this wouldn't be easy and i thought we were mature, educated enough people to handle it. I guess not! I am just so sad and don't know if anything can be salvaged at this point. I am very resentful to his children and if i never hear or see his ex's name or face again, it would be the best thing ever! She caused so many unneccessary insecurities and she is raising her child to become nothing more than a disaster in the waiting. There was drama every day. OMG if you only knew the drama i dealt with. I feel bad for the kids and tried so hard to help. I was always there, cared for his kids at a moments notice when the mom couldn't be there. i have been nothing but good and decent to those kids and i got treated like crap. I just don't get it????
All was going good until we moved intogether. The only time this man and i fought was about the kids! the whole thing is just so very sad and unnecessary. I guess i just needed to vent and utilize the central for a little support.