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I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible. Long story short, my issues with my stepchildren started about 4 years ago and it was in large part because of their mother. She talks negatively about my dh, myself and even our 3 yr old daughter in front of her children. My step sons are now 11 and 14, and I just don't know what to do at this point. Off and on for the past 4 years my oldest step son has decided to step out of our lives. He creates huge problems, huge fights, leaves our house and refuses to come back, then six months later changes his mind and decides he needs his father after all. He is rude and disrespectful to everyone in our home, he lies, he steals and he is a horrible example for our 3 yr old daughter. A few weeks ago my step son left his Playstation portable on the couch and my daughter started to grab for it. I saw her do this and I told her "Cambree that isn't yours please don't touch it". She said "Ok mommy I won't". She left it alone and went to her room to play. Later that night my step son told my dh that our daughter threw his playstation portable and broke one of the buttons, he then said "you need to buy me a new one". My dh told him he was not going to have to buy him a new one and that wasn't the way to approach the situation. My step son dropped it and up until the other night we heard nothing more about it. The other night he sent a message to my dh asking if he was going to buy his playstation portable or not. My husband told him no, I told you that. My ss then said "you have to your kid broke it". My dh told him not to talk to him like that and we would discuss it when he came this weekend. His son's response was "well I'm not coming this weekend because Cambree is a little bitch and I can't stand being around her. Thanks for all your help "dad" you're a fucking loser". So of course then the ex wife calls and says "well Cody doesn't want to go to your house now because Cambree broke his playstation and it's not fair that you won't buy him a new one. And I don't think you deserve to have your kids around you if you are going to put your wife and your other two kids before our children. She said he won't be back, because I won't make him go there". Keep in mind this crap happens every 6-8 months. He leaves for months at a time after causing a bunch of problems and a huge fight (last time he told my dh he couldn't stand his "bitch" of a gf and I should be shot). We've done everything we can think of and his ex wife just disregards it all. She doesn't tell him when the kids have events at school, when they are sick, doesn't put them on the emergency contact cards at school, NOTHING. She keeps him in the dark as much as possible and then tells her children he is a deadbeat. I just don't know what to do at this point. Right now I have a lot to deal with, I have a 3 yr old dd a 4 month old ds a husband and house to worry about and my father is dying. I told my dh that this time when the door closes we might need to just leave it closed. Because we both know in 6 months he will call us saying he needs his dad, but then he just constantly steals from us, lies to us and disrespects us. What would you do if this were your situation?

by on May. 8, 2012 at 4:26 PM
Replies (11-12):
by on May. 8, 2012 at 7:19 PM

Quoting Nimue930:

 There's a difference between walking away and setting some boundaries.  I think your DH needs to tell his son that his behavior is out of line, disrespectful and unacceptable and will not be tolerated.  That he will not be allowed to talk about you and his little sister in such a manner, and until he cleans up his act he will not be allowed to be in contact with you.  If I were DH, I'd spin it that I am protecting my family that is being bullied and victimizing, and I will not accept this in any manner.  I would strongly suggest counseling, and father-son dates so continue bonding with my son, away from the rest of the family, so SS knows he is not being abandoned, but I would not allow him back in the family unit until he can apologize and clean up his language, and his bullying behavior.  Kids need boundaries.  Right now this one is running  crazy without anyone stepping up and saying "you have crossed the line, and it stops here and now".  He needs to learn this lesson from a parent before he learns it in a much harder way in life... like from law enforcement or something... Just my opinion...

I agree with this. Let Dad tell the kid that he can't communicate with you specifically while Dad continues to work on the relationship. 

by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2012 at 7:38 PM

Does he know what school the kids are going to? He needs to get them a copy of the parenting plan/custody order and request that all information sent home to BM also needs to sent to his address. We currently get copies of all SD's school things either e-mailed or mailed directly to us from the school because BM refuses.

SD is moving in with us in June and our school district has a place to fill out the other parent's contact information and has a check box about whether or not they should be sent all school mailings.

As for the other stuff, sadly there isn't a lot you can do. DH can either allow BM and SS to have the control and decided when SS is coming over, or DH can say "The court order says..... If you refuse to make SS available to me, or if you cannot control SS then I will have no choice but to file contempt of court charges." In most states a child cannot decide about custody and visitation until they are 18. Generally a judge will take their wishes into account as young as 12, but they are not required to.

Also, if this goes to court for contempt, it's not going to look too well on BM for allowing her son to say such vile nasty things to his father, about his father, and about his younger sibling.

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