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My stepkids HATE me....

Posted by on May. 8, 2012 at 4:26 PM
  • 12 Replies

I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible. Long story short, my issues with my stepchildren started about 4 years ago and it was in large part because of their mother. She talks negatively about my dh, myself and even our 3 yr old daughter in front of her children. My step sons are now 11 and 14, and I just don't know what to do at this point. Off and on for the past 4 years my oldest step son has decided to step out of our lives. He creates huge problems, huge fights, leaves our house and refuses to come back, then six months later changes his mind and decides he needs his father after all. He is rude and disrespectful to everyone in our home, he lies, he steals and he is a horrible example for our 3 yr old daughter. A few weeks ago my step son left his Playstation portable on the couch and my daughter started to grab for it. I saw her do this and I told her "Cambree that isn't yours please don't touch it". She said "Ok mommy I won't". She left it alone and went to her room to play. Later that night my step son told my dh that our daughter threw his playstation portable and broke one of the buttons, he then said "you need to buy me a new one". My dh told him he was not going to have to buy him a new one and that wasn't the way to approach the situation. My step son dropped it and up until the other night we heard nothing more about it. The other night he sent a message to my dh asking if he was going to buy his playstation portable or not. My husband told him no, I told you that. My ss then said "you have to your kid broke it". My dh told him not to talk to him like that and we would discuss it when he came this weekend. His son's response was "well I'm not coming this weekend because Cambree is a little bitch and I can't stand being around her. Thanks for all your help "dad" you're a fucking loser". So of course then the ex wife calls and says "well Cody doesn't want to go to your house now because Cambree broke his playstation and it's not fair that you won't buy him a new one. And I don't think you deserve to have your kids around you if you are going to put your wife and your other two kids before our children. She said he won't be back, because I won't make him go there". Keep in mind this crap happens every 6-8 months. He leaves for months at a time after causing a bunch of problems and a huge fight (last time he told my dh he couldn't stand his "bitch" of a gf and I should be shot). We've done everything we can think of and his ex wife just disregards it all. She doesn't tell him when the kids have events at school, when they are sick, doesn't put them on the emergency contact cards at school, NOTHING. She keeps him in the dark as much as possible and then tells her children he is a deadbeat. I just don't know what to do at this point. Right now I have a lot to deal with, I have a 3 yr old dd a 4 month old ds a husband and house to worry about and my father is dying. I told my dh that this time when the door closes we might need to just leave it closed. Because we both know in 6 months he will call us saying he needs his dad, but then he just constantly steals from us, lies to us and disrespects us. What would you do if this were your situation?

by on May. 8, 2012 at 4:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ErinRenee815
by on May. 8, 2012 at 4:40 PM

Leaving the door closed is not an option. I'm sure this is hard on all of you but when your DH decided to have a child he signed up for 18 years good or bad. There is nothing that says if the child and or mother of the child are being really unreasonable you can just decide to step out. That really would make him a deadbeat. But the good news is that you don't have to deal with it. Let this stuff stay between DH and his child. Say Cambree didn't do it and walk away. Focus your energy on your children and your father. It's the only way to keep your sanity. 

LovinCambree
by on May. 8, 2012 at 4:50 PM

 

Quoting ErinRenee815:

Leaving the door closed is not an option. I'm sure this is hard on all of you but when your DH decided to have a child he signed up for 18 years good or bad. There is nothing that says if the child and or mother of the child are being really unreasonable you can just decide to step out. That really would make him a deadbeat. But the good news is that you don't have to deal with it. Let this stuff stay between DH and his child. Say Cambree didn't do it and walk away. Focus your energy on your children and your father. It's the only way to keep your sanity. 

 It's not my husband that decides to step out, it's his son. He leaves for months at a time. And I do have to deal with it, because he brings my child and myself into the fight. What kind of mother would I be to let someone call my 3 yr old daughter a little bitch? It always turns into mine or my daughters fault. She's 3, she is responsible for all the world's problems. It's never just as easy as saying my daughter didn't do it and walking away unfortunately. He just keeps being rude and trying to argue the point. I just wanted to make it clear that it isn't my dh that sends his son away, his son says he doesn't want to deal with us and his mother doesn't make him come here or even try to encourage him to talk to his father. My husband is NOT a deadbeat in any way shape or form. Thanks for the response

angelmommy2806
by on May. 8, 2012 at 4:51 PM
He wouldn't be coming over. DH wouldn't allow one of his kids to talk to him like that.
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pepper504
by Gold Member on May. 8, 2012 at 4:53 PM

What would I do?  I would worry about my two kids, my household, my family and my father.  Let DH handle his two kids.  Especially the foul mouthed 14 year old who is apparently allowed to disrespect adults. 

LovinCambree
by on May. 8, 2012 at 4:55 PM

 

Quoting angelmommy2806:

He wouldn't be coming over. DH wouldn't allow one of his kids to talk to him like that.

 My DH has told his son not to talk to him or myself that way either. But my ss just says "you can't do anything about it". Unfortunately that's true for the most part. My ss is just disrespectful, he has no rules at his mother's house (she is barely around, too busy going out), and he just pushes and pushes. I just don't think it's fair to our daughter, who we are trying to raise right and teach that she needs to follow rules and respect people and even her belongings. I guess right now I've just got a lot on my plate and wondered if anyone else had this type of an issue with their stepkids.

ErinRenee815
by on May. 8, 2012 at 4:57 PM


Quoting LovinCambree:

 

Quoting ErinRenee815:

Leaving the door closed is not an option. I'm sure this is hard on all of you but when your DH decided to have a child he signed up for 18 years good or bad. There is nothing that says if the child and or mother of the child are being really unreasonable you can just decide to step out. That really would make him a deadbeat. But the good news is that you don't have to deal with it. Let this stuff stay between DH and his child. Say Cambree didn't do it and walk away. Focus your energy on your children and your father. It's the only way to keep your sanity. 

 It's not my husband that decides to step out, it's his son. He leaves for months at a time. And I do have to deal with it, because he brings my child and myself into the fight. What kind of mother would I be to let someone call my 3 yr old daughter a little bitch? It always turns into mine or my daughters fault. She's 3, she is responsible for all the world's problems. It's never just as easy as saying my daughter didn't do it and walking away unfortunately. He just keeps being rude and trying to argue the point. I just wanted to make it clear that it isn't my dh that sends his son away, his son says he doesn't want to deal with us and his mother doesn't make him come here or even try to encourage him to talk to his father. My husband is NOT a deadbeat in any way shape or form. Thanks for the response

You said maybe the door should stay closed this time. I'm saying that IF DH did that, THEN he would be a deadbeat. You don't get to abandon one of your kids because he calls your other kid a bitch. Parenting just doesn't work that way. You don't HAVE to deal with him just because he says everything is your fault. You're choosing to. Even if he keeps being rude you can still walk away. You're just choosing not to. Look kids can be awful horrible mistake making manipulative creatures. As long as SS is choosing to stay away and BM is backing that up, you've got something to fall on. I don't agree with it, but at least there is someone to blame. The minute you say, ok SS you can't come back because you were an ass one too many times, then you're way way in the wrong. The right thing to do would be to suggest therapy to work out these family issues. SS will likely say no and then leave for another few months, Sounds like a win win to me. 

KittenKrump
by on May. 8, 2012 at 5:04 PM

You're a stronger woman than I. I couldn't do it.

LovinCambree
by on May. 8, 2012 at 5:04 PM

 

Quoting ErinRenee815:


Quoting LovinCambree:

 

Quoting ErinRenee815:

Leaving the door closed is not an option. I'm sure this is hard on all of you but when your DH decided to have a child he signed up for 18 years good or bad. There is nothing that says if the child and or mother of the child are being really unreasonable you can just decide to step out. That really would make him a deadbeat. But the good news is that you don't have to deal with it. Let this stuff stay between DH and his child. Say Cambree didn't do it and walk away. Focus your energy on your children and your father. It's the only way to keep your sanity. 

 It's not my husband that decides to step out, it's his son. He leaves for months at a time. And I do have to deal with it, because he brings my child and myself into the fight. What kind of mother would I be to let someone call my 3 yr old daughter a little bitch? It always turns into mine or my daughters fault. She's 3, she is responsible for all the world's problems. It's never just as easy as saying my daughter didn't do it and walking away unfortunately. He just keeps being rude and trying to argue the point. I just wanted to make it clear that it isn't my dh that sends his son away, his son says he doesn't want to deal with us and his mother doesn't make him come here or even try to encourage him to talk to his father. My husband is NOT a deadbeat in any way shape or form. Thanks for the response

You said maybe the door should stay closed this time. I'm saying that IF DH did that, THEN he would be a deadbeat. You don't get to abandon one of your kids because he calls your other kid a bitch. Parenting just doesn't work that way. You don't HAVE to deal with him just because he says everything is your fault. You're choosing to. Even if he keeps being rude you can still walk away. You're just choosing not to. Look kids can be awful horrible mistake making manipulative creatures. As long as SS is choosing to stay away and BM is backing that up, you've got something to fall on. I don't agree with it, but at least there is someone to blame. The minute you say, ok SS you can't come back because you were an ass one too many times, then you're way way in the wrong. The right thing to do would be to suggest therapy to work out these family issues. SS will likely say no and then leave for another few months, Sounds like a win win to me. 

 I misunderstood what you said, sorry. I thought you had read it like my dh was the one telling his son not to come to our house. And no I suppose I don't have to deal with him but I don't know how not to defend my child when I feel like she is being attacked. There have been plenty of times he has tried to start fights with me about something and I have just walked away or dropped it because there is no point in fighting with a 14 yr old & I know that. We have suggested therapy many many times, and his ex wife refuses. She told dh that he was an asshole because he was saying there was something wrong with the kids. We took them to a therapy session once without her consent and she flipped out when she found out. I worry about my dd because I don't want her to think that this is a normal family dynamic

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on May. 8, 2012 at 5:09 PM

It sounds like your DH has been a passive father and has allowed his son to drift away from him, and his son is angry about that.

What would I do if I were you? nothing. I'd just worry about my own kids and my own home and let DH deal with his son.

Nimue930
by on May. 8, 2012 at 5:11 PM

 There's a difference between walking away and setting some boundaries.  I think your DH needs to tell his son that his behavior is out of line, disrespectful and unacceptable and will not be tolerated.  That he will not be allowed to talk about you and his little sister in such a manner, and until he cleans up his act he will not be allowed to be in contact with you.  If I were DH, I'd spin it that I am protecting my family that is being bullied and victimizing, and I will not accept this in any manner.  I would strongly suggest counseling, and father-son dates so continue bonding with my son, away from the rest of the family, so SS knows he is not being abandoned, but I would not allow him back in the family unit until he can apologize and clean up his language, and his bullying behavior.  Kids need boundaries.  Right now this one is running  crazy without anyone stepping up and saying "you have crossed the line, and it stops here and now".  He needs to learn this lesson from a parent before he learns it in a much harder way in life... like from law enforcement or something... Just my opinion...

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