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im not gonna have any hair by the time im 30!!!!

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my husband has a 12 year old daughter with his first wife. and she is a pain in the ass. her father and i got married last november and have been together for 3 years. anyways she desided to tell everyone that i was not her parent and i could not tell her what to do or ground her from anything. she has put her hands on me multiple times and im seriously about sick of it. she doesnt listen worth a damn and i dont know where else to turn bc my husband wont stand up and she runs to her grandmother whenever i tell her to do something. i swear im gonna show her she has to but i know that spanking a 12 yr old she would probably just laugh at me... anyone got an idea?

help me!!!

by on May. 8, 2012 at 7:48 PM
Replies (11-15):
lilangilyn
by on May. 9, 2012 at 8:42 AM


Quoting ErinRenee815:

Spanking a 12 year old could get you arrested so I wouldn't do that for sure. Ummm....I would have DH tell the child that she is not to address you in any way until she can do so with respect. And then I would tell DH that this isn't going to work unless he mans up and takes control of his child. It's his responsibility to take care of the grounding while she is with you guys. 

Depends on what state you are in. In my state, a stepparent can spank their stepkid. No biggie. I believe that also extends to slapping them on the face if they are mouthy as long as you don't leave a bruise.

I personally don't believe in spanking other people's kids, but an arrest is a serious thing and you don't want to give her false advice if it is legal in her state.


 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on May. 9, 2012 at 8:43 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think you are her parent. Sorry. You came into her life too late for that. If she is telling everyone that you are not her parent, chances are it's because you are overstepping her boundries, trying to tell her what to do when she doesnt recognize your authority over her.

Spanking a 12yo under these conditions would be assault/domestic violence, and you would proably be arrested.

I am assuming your husband has custody? Why does he allow his child to behave badly toward his wife? I see this as a DH issue (poor parenting on his part).

lilangilyn
by on May. 9, 2012 at 8:44 AM

If she were hurting me, I would call the police. And I would keep calling them as long as I needed to. At the least, it will give DH a huge wakeup call, and at the worst it may get the child taken out of the house.

To be honest with you, this kid may need a cooling down time out of the house.

colema11
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2012 at 10:27 AM

Leave the choice up to DH, you are not the parent, but you are an adult in the house.  If he cannot handle his child he should not expect you to. YSS pulled that once with me years ago and I reminded him that I'm not the parent, but he's also not my child so I don't have to cook, clean, transport, entertain, etc for him.  I do it b/c I choose to, but there is no law that says I have to.  After he thought about it like that he never tried that card again. 

Don't be alone with SD if she wants to get physical/ be disrespectful.  Don't engage or give her the power to get a rise out of you.

ErinRenee815
by on May. 9, 2012 at 3:43 PM


Quoting lilangilyn:


Quoting ErinRenee815:

Spanking a 12 year old could get you arrested so I wouldn't do that for sure. Ummm....I would have DH tell the child that she is not to address you in any way until she can do so with respect. And then I would tell DH that this isn't going to work unless he mans up and takes control of his child. It's his responsibility to take care of the grounding while she is with you guys. 

Depends on what state you are in. In my state, a stepparent can spank their stepkid. No biggie. I believe that also extends to slapping them on the face if they are mouthy as long as you don't leave a bruise.

I personally don't believe in spanking other people's kids, but an arrest is a serious thing and you don't want to give her false advice if it is legal in her state.


 

I said it "could" not that it would for sure. I think it was pretty good advice. 

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