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I've decided to skip mother's day this year.

Posted by on May. 9, 2012 at 7:19 AM
  • 15 Replies

Part of my reasoning is I never really liked celebrating mother's day when I was with my ex. He would make sure our girls told me Happy Mother's Day and have them color a card but I lost my son before they were born so Mother's Day has always been hard for me. Last year I got bombarded by my step-sons b/c their church teachers told them to. I told DH last night that since my girls are going to be at their dads church, and the boys go to ours I'm spending the day at home and out of it. I don't feel that it is fair to either sets to celebrate with them. If they make me cards I will give them hugs and thank them but I honestly don't feel like celebrating this year. My son passed away 13 years ago the day before mother's day. My kids are all to young to understand that it is a hard holiday for me. When the time comes I will tell them but not this year.

by on May. 9, 2012 at 7:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2012 at 7:24 AM
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 I'm very sorry for your loss. But maybe you should think about taking another approach in life and this situation.

Cambriagurlmom
by on May. 9, 2012 at 7:31 AM

I have tried for 13 years to celebrate but this is the one day that I Mourn still. I have flourish in what my life use to be to what it is now. It's not just a mourning of my son it is a personal reflection of what I have done in my life.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2012 at 7:51 AM

 

Quoting Cambriagurlmom:

I have tried for 13 years to celebrate but this is the one day that I Mourn still. I have flourish in what my life use to be to what it is now. It's not just a mourning of my son it is a personal reflection of what I have done in my life.

 How about mourning on the day it happened and maybe try being a bit more celebrative on mothers day? I know mothers day is supposed to be all about us. But it really isnt. It is about others too. I just think it's a bit overwhelmingly sad that you make others uncomfortable on a day they want to celebrate you! Just wondering if you can change it around a bit? It sounds as though others are being made to suffer with you on that day.

lilangilyn
by on May. 9, 2012 at 8:01 AM


Quoting baparrot2:

 

Quoting Cambriagurlmom:

I have tried for 13 years to celebrate but this is the one day that I Mourn still. I have flourish in what my life use to be to what it is now. It's not just a mourning of my son it is a personal reflection of what I have done in my life.

 How about mourning on the day it happened and maybe try being a bit more celebrative on mothers day? I know mothers day is supposed to be all about us. But it really isnt. It is about others too. I just think it's a bit overwhelmingly sad that you make others uncomfortable on a day they want to celebrate you! Just wondering if you can change it around a bit? It sounds as though others are being made to suffer with you on that day.

It is about others. My mom died on Xmas unexpectedly. I am sure there are others here who have had similar tragedies around holidays. But a person shouldn't let that stop life. Stop the rejoicing in what we do have. You seem to be rejecting joy in favor of continued grief. I am very sorry for your loss, but I think it has numbed you to what you do have and I felt sad for you girls and your step-sons who are reaching out to you on Mother's Day.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2012 at 8:12 AM

 

Quoting lilangilyn:

 

Quoting baparrot2:

 

Quoting Cambriagurlmom:

I have tried for 13 years to celebrate but this is the one day that I Mourn still. I have flourish in what my life use to be to what it is now. It's not just a mourning of my son it is a personal reflection of what I have done in my life.

 How about mourning on the day it happened and maybe try being a bit more celebrative on mothers day? I know mothers day is supposed to be all about us. But it really isnt. It is about others too. I just think it's a bit overwhelmingly sad that you make others uncomfortable on a day they want to celebrate you! Just wondering if you can change it around a bit? It sounds as though others are being made to suffer with you on that day.

It is about others. My mom died on Xmas unexpectedly. I am sure there are others here who have had similar tragedies around holidays. But a person shouldn't let that stop life. Stop the rejoicing in what we do have. You seem to be rejecting joy in favor of continued grief. I am very sorry for your loss, but I think it has numbed you to what you do have and I felt sad for you girls and your step-sons who are reaching out to you on Mother's Day.

 There is no easy way to put that huh? But this may be one of those cases where it just needed to be said. It's never time to let go, but it may be time to move on and live.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 9, 2012 at 8:18 AM

I would like to say "celebrate the children who are living", but I have never lost a child - which I imagine to be the darkest possible tragedy. And since I have never been there (by the grace of god), any words I say are pretty much meaningless.

I'm sorry for your loss.

cherrywaves21
by on May. 9, 2012 at 8:24 AM
1 mom liked this
It's now a hallmark holiday it was about the moms and the wars. It's actually a very sad holiday before hallmark snatched it up and turned into money making deal.

With my mom we never did more then cards and a lunch of we could afford it. Through out the year I made her things and rubbed her feet. I don't need a holiday to make me feel special.

I don't think you need to go out of your way to be in public but I do think accepting the cards and maybe making a special lunch for everyone ( since you're not going to church) is a good idea.
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shannonw79
by Member on May. 9, 2012 at 8:27 AM
I lost my daughter and stepson a few days before christmas, 6 years ago. I feel your pain momma, holidays are hard! You just have to try really hard not to let the pain consume you. sometimes we get so wrapped up in the lost we forget about the living. I try to remember to cherish the time I have with all the ones still here because I learned first hand how quickly they can be gone. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you can find some joy in your day.
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Tarac1012
by on May. 9, 2012 at 8:47 AM

I'm very sorry for your loss.  Regarding mother's day - it's YOUR day.... you spend it the way you want to. Though I do recommend doing something that will bring a smile to your face and remind you to appreciate those that are in your life, their health, and the love around you.  But I don't think you should HAVE to do things you don't want to.  If you set aside this day each year to reflect and remember, then so be it.  I do hope though that mother's day will bring you some uplifting moments that lighten your heart.

jessiesluv
by on May. 9, 2012 at 11:29 AM

So sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace. Hugs!

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