I found this on www.smoms.org
What do you think of this SM's list? Do you agree with any of it? (I have summarized it, as she had tons more added. go to the website to see the full version.)
1. Ask my husband to refer to his ex-wife as his child's mom. This new title would eliminate any subtle reminders of their past connection.
2. Never send anything to biomom's house without being prepared never to see it again.
3. Tell my beloved, not to tell me or show me any communication between him and his ex-wife, since there is a high risk it would upset me or stress me out. I would ask that he would tell me the end result of their discussions so I would stay informed on issues that impact me or our household.
4. Get a notarized letter written by my husband, stating I have permission to act on behalf of my husband in regard's to his child's health, transportation to and from school, and represent him at school events.
5. Not sheild my skid from his biomom's words and actions. I'd share the facts, without editorializing, then focus my attention on helping my skid cope with the consequences of her actions.
6. Accept that the initial attitude of the biomom's attitude toward me is going to last and I'd adjust my actions accordingly not to put myself in her harm's way.
7. Be discerning and wise about the things I do for my skid right from the start.
8. Discuss and discuss and discuss the "house rules" with my beloved before living with the skids.
9. Work deeply on my quest to "take nothing personally".
10. Use my creativity to invent and celebrate new family rituals, holidays and vacations with the kids whenever possible.
11. Do everything I could to help my husband acknowledge and deal with his divorce guilt and/or "father's fears".
12. Lastly and most important.. I would make my connection with my beloved the Number ONE priority!!