I met my husband nearly 7 years ago when SDs were 11 and 5.
He had not yet filed for divorce (had been separated for 6 months) and did not have a custody order in place. BM did not ALLOW his children to spend any time with him out of her presence. I finally talked him into filing for a CO and he now at least has weekends and a day a week in the middle of the week. BM refused to allow them visits for several years.
About 6 months ago, the youngest SD began coming over every other weekend. My husband has always gone to see her on Saturday evenings after work. SD seemed simply unable to enjoy her time with us. We tried to entertain her with movies, board games, jewelry making, etc. SD simply has never seemed like she was able to let her proverbial hair donw in our home.
About 2 months ago, SD quit coming over and went to a counselor at her school, threatening suicide over the want to no longer have to go to her Dad's house. Dad is very passive and has not discussed this situation with his daughter whom he has the liberty of seeing about 20 minutes per week in the presence of BM. I find this odd and confusing and can only imagine what a 12 year old must be feeling inside. SD has since been placed into counseling. I urged my husband to get in contact with her counselor. He was finally granted a visit with the counselor. Due to the confidential arrangement of a counselor, she is unable to discuss the reasons why, but SD claims that she does not like her Father and does not want to visit him anymore. We have a very calm, clean household. Granted we live 25 miles rom BM, so her friends are not right next door and she may be bored. I have always been conerned for this reason and made attempts to keep her from boredom. I do my best to also give Dad a SD time alone, together which can be difficult since it is my home as well. The counselor told my husband that he did not want to force his CO order onto anybody right now because she (the counselor) could have the agreement null and void very quickly.
I believe that BM is so angry at BF for leaving that she cannot let go of her anger and expresses it loud and clear in front of SD as well as directly to SD. I have been witness to many outbursts by BM. I believe that SD feels that if she were to enjoy herself in our presence, that she would be betraying her Mother. Will the counselor eventually be able to see through this mirage?
I believe this is a classic case of PAS and have no idea where to go from here or how to help my husband deal with his heartbreak or how to help my SD should I have the opportunity to have her in our home once again.
Please share your thoughts and advice.