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When something puts you in the middle of your husband and his ex....What to do? UPDATE!

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Situation:  Two year old boy with curly long hair starts pulling it out during fits, then rubs it like crazy putting tangles in it.  Everyone tells your DH what a cute little girl he has!  Husband asks his wife SM to cut it since she has been to beauty school.  DH knows that his ex wants to cut it when she feels like it. He just asked her that it be done within 2 months, she had 3 months to do it. This is not his first haircut.  Auntie already blamed SM when she had cut it herself.  It wasn't done to cause "drama", the mom was told about the hair pulling.  

The BM liked the haircut and thanked Dad for taking the pain out of his hair.  It is interesting to see the ladies on her saying "Dad should let mom make the decision".  Sad to think one hair cut could make people so angry.

by on May. 10, 2012 at 10:10 AM
Replies (21-30):
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 10, 2012 at 11:47 AM

I wouldn't do it.  I'd have him ask BM first.  Why start a war over a haircut?

My SD 1 (she's 11) had long hair, but wouldn't take care of it.  It was a matted mess most of the time and dry and damaged.  *I* was the one brushing out matts the size of a small island whenever she was with us.  I got tired of doing it and told her to call her mom and ask if it was ok for me to take her to get her hair cut.  BM okay'ed it, but gave us specific instructions on how she wanted it done AND where to take her.  Anyway, the way I see it, it's better to ask and see if BM would have a problem and get her ok...rather than just going ahead and doing it and then chancing having BM go apeshit and starting a war with you for doing it.  Because even though DH asked you to, it's gonna be YOUR fault in BM's eyes.

by on May. 10, 2012 at 12:05 PM
This on both accounts.

My husband wouldn't do that to me (put me in the middle). I would question his motives and attitude if he did.

Quoting lilangilyn:

Quoting whatIknownow:

Nope! I would tell DH to take him to a salon and have it cut. No way would I put myself in the middle of that dog fight.

I would do this. I think both parents have a right and responsibility to keep their child comfortable and neat. So dad's wishes on this are just as important as mom's. He would like to share the child's first haircut as well. It is not just a woman's perogative to share all the firsts.

But I would not cut it myself. I would not go with them either.

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by on May. 10, 2012 at 12:07 PM
I would not touch that childs hair.
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by on May. 10, 2012 at 12:51 PM

Dad has the same rights as mom.

by on May. 10, 2012 at 12:53 PM

Quoting krazykiddles:

Dad has the same rights as mom.

You can justify it by saying Dad  has the same rights as mom and Dad asked you to cut the child's hair, but any SM who chooses to do that, after reading even a tiny fraction of the posts on this site, is just plain crazy.

by on May. 10, 2012 at 12:59 PM

I wouldn't do it. I'd tell DH to talk to BM and ask something along the lines of, "Hey, do you mind if I take kiddo for a haircut" and see what she says. If she says yes, cut it. If she says no, leave it. Not worth a fight.

by Platinum Member on May. 10, 2012 at 1:30 PM

SM took DD15 (then 3) to get her hair cut and my ex was LIVID.  I was pissed, but ex and his family were LIVID that she took DD to get her hair cut. 

DH is in charge of his kid.  If his kid needs a haircut and BM does not take him, then it is up to DH to handle it.  I want NOTHING to do with that.

by Silver Member on May. 10, 2012 at 2:39 PM

I had a similar sitch with my SD. She was 3 and had never had a haircut. SD kept sitting on her hair and pulling in without meaning to. She would wail in pain, she would even get it caught in her zippers on her jackets (hair past her butt). Well my DH had talked to BM and BM didn't do anything about it. DH asked me to make an appointment (I would not touch my SD hair if someone paid me!!), I did and he took her.  So he had her first haircut done. BM was pissed, but DH told her that he had asked her to do it for about 6 weeks at that point. She said she was too busy, so DH told her that he's not too busy for SD. Now either BM or I take SD to get her hair done.

by on May. 10, 2012 at 3:02 PM

 ohhh boy dont cut the hair. I learned the hard way, in my case is a little different I cut my SD6 hair. I took her to the salon to fix the mess her BM did to begin with then SD says I want my haor short. I figured why not it was the middle of summer so I had it cut when her BM picked up she was furious called me akinds of mean thing etc,... SO was not upset with me he and BM fought for about 5 min. then he says to me thanks my Daughter looks beautiful. Ever since that day I have him take her to get hair cuts. I think she was more upset that I had taken her than the fact that her hair was cut.

CafeMom Tickers
by on May. 10, 2012 at 4:37 PM

Tell your DH to take him somewhere else if he wants his hair cut that badly.

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