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When something puts you in the middle of your husband and his ex....What to do? UPDATE!

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Situation:  Two year old boy with curly long hair starts pulling it out during fits, then rubs it like crazy putting tangles in it.  Everyone tells your DH what a cute little girl he has!  Husband asks his wife SM to cut it since she has been to beauty school.  DH knows that his ex wants to cut it when she feels like it. He just asked her that it be done within 2 months, she had 3 months to do it. This is not his first haircut.  Auntie already blamed SM when she had cut it herself.  It wasn't done to cause "drama", the mom was told about the hair pulling.  

The BM liked the haircut and thanked Dad for taking the pain out of his hair.  It is interesting to see the ladies on her saying "Dad should let mom make the decision".  Sad to think one hair cut could make people so angry.



by on May. 10, 2012 at 10:10 AM
Replies (41-50):
packermomof2
by on May. 10, 2012 at 7:42 PM


Quoting krazykiddles:

This is the reason judges don't like to listen when there really are problems is because women like you take them into court over the stupidest reasons.  There was more going on than just a haircut.

I think SP's cutting a kids hair without both parents permission is a big problem.  I wouldn't take a SP to court over it or anything, I'd just teach my kids that the SP can't do certain things and to tell them "my mom will take care of it" at this point in our lives.

If the SP still did whatever it is that they only had one parents permission to do, they deserve whatever it is I choose to do be it tell them to keep their hands off my kid or taking their husband to court to have legally enforcable boundaries put into the CO.

krazykiddles
by on May. 10, 2012 at 7:46 PM

They have nothing in writing about this.  My husband told her she had two months to schedule a haircut with the stylist of her choice or he would ask me to do it.  Why get hung up about something that grows back? 

packermomof2
by on May. 10, 2012 at 7:52 PM


Quoting krazykiddles:

They have nothing in writing about this.  My husband told her she had two months to schedule a haircut with the stylist of her choice or he would ask me to do it.  Why get hung up about something that grows back? 

Probably for the same reason Sm's think it is no big deal to cut something that just grows back so it should be no big deal.  Difference of opinion on what is important... but when it comes to a kid it is the parents opinion that should matter over the SPs. 

Had my ex ever told me I had x amount of time to do something or his wife would do it (not him), I'd ignore him.  And tell my kids that SM can't do it without moms permission and they have my permission to tell her that.  I'd view his ultimatum to have his wife get involved if I don't do something as a challenge. 

Now, if he asked me to do it within a certain time frame or else HE would take care of it, I'd have less issue.  I take issue with nonparents putting themselves in the middle when they know it can cause problems. 

nmaxwell816
by on May. 10, 2012 at 7:55 PM
Is should be discussed with bm espesically if it is the child's first haircut
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LucyHarper
by on May. 10, 2012 at 10:23 PM

My stepsons BM isnt in his life, I am his mother, so I would cut it if we thought it needed to be cut. If his mom did play an active role in his life, she should have a say and I would never cut a childs hair without all parents consent, I would never cut my childs hair without talking to my husband, so I would never cut my stepsons hair without talking to his BM first if she were involved.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on May. 10, 2012 at 10:30 PM
Never in a million years would I be okay with it if my ex did that with one of my boys and never in a million years would I ever pull something so under handed with my dss and ya know what like packer said my husband would never put me in that position never!


Quoting Refurbished:



Quoting packermomof2:



Quoting whatIknownow:



Quoting krazykiddles:

Dad has the same rights as mom.

You can justify it by saying Dad  has the same rights as mom and Dad asked you to cut the child's hair, but any SM who chooses to do that, after reading even a tiny fraction of the posts on this site, is just plain crazy.

I agree with this.  Dad having the right to do it means dad should find a way to do it and not involve his wife if he knows mom will be upset and blame the wife for doing something she didn't need to do because "dad has rights"... he has the right to do it himself or to pay someone to do it.  He also has the right to throw his wife under the bus here, but a good husband would keep his wife out of the middle of things that have to do with mom and child and dad.

My ex's GF cut my daughter's hair off, which set off one hell of a war in court, and that's the last time she ever saw my kid.


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AmyB118
by NA Rocks on May. 10, 2012 at 10:50 PM


Quoting krazykiddles:

They have nothing in writing about this.  My husband told her she had two months to schedule a haircut with the stylist of her choice or he would ask me to do it.  Why get hung up about something that grows back? 

Why create drama? or MORE drama?  I'd love someone to try to cut my kid's hair without my permission.  They'd regret it.

I've been w/DH for 9 years and I've never ONCE done anything to SSs w/o BM's express consent - OSS wanted his ear pierced (I am a licensed cosmetologist).  DH said "Sure"...I said "Call your mom first if she agrees, I'll do it".  She was fine w/it and I knew she would be, but I wasn't stupid enough to do it w/o making sure she was fine at that exact minute.

vintagebikegirl
by on May. 10, 2012 at 11:28 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes but isn't him saying "get the kids haircut or I'm going to have SM do it" the same as him saying "get the kids haircut or Im going to handle it" pretty much the same thing? If his way of handling the situation is by having SM do it. Would it matter if SM did it or a stranger at a salon did it? As long as he "takes care of it".

DH always gives BM this same option. "Do you want to take SD to get a hair cut or should SM just do it?"
She has only ever opted for the salon once and I ended up having to fix that haircut.


Quoting packermomof2:



Quoting krazykiddles:

They have nothing in writing about this.  My husband told her she had two months to schedule a haircut with the stylist of her choice or he would ask me to do it.  Why get hung up about something that grows back? 

Probably for the same reason Sm's think it is no big deal to cut something that just grows back so it should be no big deal.  Difference of opinion on what is important... but when it comes to a kid it is the parents opinion that should matter over the SPs. 

Had my ex ever told me I had x amount of time to do something or his wife would do it (not him), I'd ignore him.  And tell my kids that SM can't do it without moms permission and they have my permission to tell her that.  I'd view his ultimatum to have his wife get involved if I don't do something as a challenge. 

Now, if he asked me to do it within a certain time frame or else HE would take care of it, I'd have less issue.  I take issue with nonparents putting themselves in the middle when they know it can cause problems. 

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mom2cheesebug
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:33 AM

I wouldn't touch his hair, its not your place to cut it knowing its going to cause a fued. I would back off and tell DH to talk to bio mom and express his concerns and only then would i cut it.

YesImMomToo
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:38 AM
1 mom liked this
I would schedule a salon appointment and go with dad and son to watch dad experience sons first haircut. Dad has every right to experience sons firsts too.
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