Background: SO's 2 dd's were placed with us when they were removed from moms care due to child neglect. It had been 1.5 years. Dd11 was just placed back with us after a 8 month stay at a mental health facility, where she learned how to appropriately deal with her anger with coping skills. She's been with us for almost 2 months and has had. 4 outbursts like this( hitting etc). And she refuses to use her coping skills. Anything will set her off.
We have had a troubled past, she was convinced that I was stealing her dad from her. Her anger would grow then it would be okay. Nothing I say I ever right, in her eyes I'm not allowed to discipline her( which I don't, dad sets it and we enforce it together)I can't ask her questions about anything.
I know she has anger towards her mom but it sucks being the one she takes it out on. My concern is for my kids. They see her act like this and get scared. My ds had a meltdown at preschool the day after her last tantrum( he never is like that). I love my SO very much, our relationship is wonderful just strained from dd11 attitude towards me. I ask myself at what cost? Do I continue to stay and let her continue to lash out at me? Or do I break up my family just to please her? I'm so stressed:(
Sorry so long.