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My fiance has two daughters from a past relationship. He has every other weekend visitation. Right now we have to get tires on our car until we can get the girls because our tires are bad and I'm not risking it. BM lives an hour away. My fiance told her last week that we would get them whenever we get the tires on. I had to text her today and tell her we didn't get the money to put tires on our car yet that we will get them as soon as we can. She texts back and says, "tell him to call me later tonight, because I need to speak with him. He knew how bad I needed him to get the girls this weekend and how I wanted him to keep them until Tuesday. He can tell the girls on the phone that hes not coming because they are excited to be coming up this weekend. I'm not breaking their hearts, he can!". Well I sent her a text message back saying he told her we would get them as soon as we got tires on and she said yes but she didn't realize it would take weeks to get tires on. We have to wait for a check to come in the mail. We do not have the money to pull out of our a** to get tires put on.

When I told him about this, he said he wasn't aware of her needing him to keep the girls until Tuesday. I'm not a damn babysitter and that's all she's making us out to be right now. Whenever she needs him to keep the girls longer, he does. I feel like he is doing things to convenience her.

What do I do about the way I feel? It makes me angry because I feel as though she's taking advantage of him and trying to make him feel guilty.

by on May. 10, 2012 at 3:34 PM
Replies (11-20):
sid1083
by Bronze Member on May. 10, 2012 at 4:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Could you offer up some money for gas for her to bring them all the way to you? That would be cheaper than 4 tires.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2012 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't know the history, but it's not at all unusual that one parent would plan things during the other parent's visitation, knowing that they are child-free. I don't think it's wrong for her to do that. 

Assuming she really did tell him about needing him to keep them until Tuesday and he just forgot (she says she told him, he says she didnt'.... who can say which one is right). But if she did tell him and *if* he agreed, then it wouldn't be wrong of her to make plans during that time, expecting to be able to count on  him to watch the kids.

Quoting Miranda1018628:

He's going to call her tonight when he gets off work and tell her if she needs them to be watched so bad that he can't do it on his own time then she's going to have to bring them up here and pick them up because we don't know when we will have tires.

It doesn't bother me keeping them longer then just the weekend. What bothers me is she makes us out to be babysitters. They call BMs husband daddy and also my fiance (biological dad) daddy. It feels to me as though my fiance is the daddy that pays child support and watched them when she needs him to and BMs husband is the "daddy" that's there all of the time. 

rebeccasmly
by on May. 10, 2012 at 4:31 PM
I agree with this. We always make our plans to work around the visitation schedule so there are no interferences that we can control. When BM doesn't show or is late or something, its annoying at times plus hard on the kids.


Quoting whatIknownow:

If he doesn't want extra time with his kids, he should just tell her that. Most fathers would be happy to have the extra time with their kids.

As a CP I can tell you that it is annoying when the NCP fails to take his visitation. 


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E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on May. 10, 2012 at 4:31 PM
2 moms liked this

You need to change your way of thinking.

He is their dad. If they were still together wouldn't they be taking care of them together? 

It's not called babysitting unless you are the one watching them. What she is asking him to do, is called parenting. 

Quoting Miranda1018628:

He's going to call her tonight when he gets off work and tell her if she needs them to be watched so bad that he can't do it on his own time then she's going to have to bring them up here and pick them up because we don't know when we will have tires.

It doesn't bother me keeping them longer then just the weekend. What bothers me is she makes us out to be babysitters. They call BMs husband daddy and also my fiance (biological dad) daddy. It feels to me as though my fiance is the daddy that pays child support and watched them when she needs him to and BMs husband is the "daddy" that's there all of the time.

Quoting whatIknownow:

ok, what about the idea of having BM bring them to you? If she really needs him for childcare. is that an option?

Quoting Miranda1018628:

Wait, it's not that he doesn't want the extra time with them! It's not that at all. It's not that I don't want the extra time with them because I enjoy it when they are here. My fiance works all the time when they are here and when they aren't here. During the day it is only me and my 10 month old son at home so it's nice having someone else around the house. It's not like he's not taking his visitation because he doesn't want to see them. We have no way of getting them. The treads on my tires are showing and I'm not going to risk anything to drive a half hour away to go get them.

Quoting whatIknownow:

If he doesn't want extra time with his kids, he should just tell her that. Most fathers would be happy to have the extra time with their kids.

As a CP I can tell you that it is annoying when the NCP fails to take his visitation. 





Miranda1018628
by on May. 10, 2012 at 4:31 PM

Her saying she told him she needed him to keep him until Tuesday is the reason I brought that up to him. We had an argument before about me being the last one to know things because he was planning on keeping them longer then just the week a couple weeks ago and I had no idea until the last minute. If she did tell him she needed him to keep them until Tuesday and he agreed, I would be upset with him for not at least telling me, hey we are going to get the girls this weekend and keep them until Tuesday. I have no objections to her planning things when we are supposed to get them. If I was separated from my fiance, I would also plan things on the weekends my son was supposed to go to his fathers. If he is in fact right when he said he told her we would get them whenever we had the tires put on then she needs to not make plans for a weekend not knowing if we will have tires by then. You know?

Quoting whatIknownow:

I don't know the history, but it's not at all unusual that one parent would plan things during the other parent's visitation, knowing that they are child-free. I don't think it's wrong for her to do that. 

Assuming she really did tell him about needing him to keep them until Tuesday and he just forgot (she says she told him, he says she didnt'.... who can say which one is right). But if she did tell him and *if* he agreed, then it wouldn't be wrong of her to make plans during that time, expecting to be able to count on  him to watch the kids.

Quoting Miranda1018628:

He's going to call her tonight when he gets off work and tell her if she needs them to be watched so bad that he can't do it on his own time then she's going to have to bring them up here and pick them up because we don't know when we will have tires.

It doesn't bother me keeping them longer then just the weekend. What bothers me is she makes us out to be babysitters. They call BMs husband daddy and also my fiance (biological dad) daddy. It feels to me as though my fiance is the daddy that pays child support and watched them when she needs him to and BMs husband is the "daddy" that's there all of the time. 


whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2012 at 4:33 PM

Yes, I agree with you.

Quoting Miranda1018628:

Her saying she told him she needed him to keep him until Tuesday is the reason I brought that up to him. We had an argument before about me being the last one to know things because he was planning on keeping them longer then just the week a couple weeks ago and I had no idea until the last minute. If she did tell him she needed him to keep them until Tuesday and he agreed, I would be upset with him for not at least telling me, hey we are going to get the girls this weekend and keep them until Tuesday. I have no objections to her planning things when we are supposed to get them. If I was separated from my fiance, I would also plan things on the weekends my son was supposed to go to his fathers. If he is in fact right when he said he told her we would get them whenever we had the tires put on then she needs to not make plans for a weekend not knowing if we will have tires by then. You know?

Quoting whatIknownow:

I don't know the history, but it's not at all unusual that one parent would plan things during the other parent's visitation, knowing that they are child-free. I don't think it's wrong for her to do that. 

Assuming she really did tell him about needing him to keep them until Tuesday and he just forgot (she says she told him, he says she didnt'.... who can say which one is right). But if she did tell him and *if* he agreed, then it wouldn't be wrong of her to make plans during that time, expecting to be able to count on  him to watch the kids.

Quoting Miranda1018628:

He's going to call her tonight when he gets off work and tell her if she needs them to be watched so bad that he can't do it on his own time then she's going to have to bring them up here and pick them up because we don't know when we will have tires.

It doesn't bother me keeping them longer then just the weekend. What bothers me is she makes us out to be babysitters. They call BMs husband daddy and also my fiance (biological dad) daddy. It feels to me as though my fiance is the daddy that pays child support and watched them when she needs him to and BMs husband is the "daddy" that's there all of the time. 



whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2012 at 4:35 PM
1 mom liked this

So basically this comes down to BM not realizing when he said "we need to wait until we get tires" that it would take this long to get tires.

I think this whole thing was a miscommunication. Nobody is right or wrong. She will  have to change her plans, or find a way to deliver the kids to you.

Miranda1018628
by on May. 10, 2012 at 4:36 PM

I am the one watching them. My fiance works 12-9 when we have them.

Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

You need to change your way of thinking.

He is their dad. If they were still together wouldn't they be taking care of them together? 

It's not called babysitting unless you are the one watching them. What she is asking him to do, is called parenting. 

Quoting Miranda1018628:

He's going to call her tonight when he gets off work and tell her if she needs them to be watched so bad that he can't do it on his own time then she's going to have to bring them up here and pick them up because we don't know when we will have tires.

It doesn't bother me keeping them longer then just the weekend. What bothers me is she makes us out to be babysitters. They call BMs husband daddy and also my fiance (biological dad) daddy. It feels to me as though my fiance is the daddy that pays child support and watched them when she needs him to and BMs husband is the "daddy" that's there all of the time.

Quoting whatIknownow:

ok, what about the idea of having BM bring them to you? If she really needs him for childcare. is that an option?

Quoting Miranda1018628:

Wait, it's not that he doesn't want the extra time with them! It's not that at all. It's not that I don't want the extra time with them because I enjoy it when they are here. My fiance works all the time when they are here and when they aren't here. During the day it is only me and my 10 month old son at home so it's nice having someone else around the house. It's not like he's not taking his visitation because he doesn't want to see them. We have no way of getting them. The treads on my tires are showing and I'm not going to risk anything to drive a half hour away to go get them.

Quoting whatIknownow:

If he doesn't want extra time with his kids, he should just tell her that. Most fathers would be happy to have the extra time with their kids.

As a CP I can tell you that it is annoying when the NCP fails to take his visitation. 






Miranda1018628
by on May. 10, 2012 at 4:38 PM

I agree. Thank you for your responses!

Quoting whatIknownow:

So basically this comes down to BM not realizing when he said "we need to wait until we get tires" that it would take this long to get tires.

I think this whole thing was a miscommunication. Nobody is right or wrong. She will  have to change her plans, or find a way to deliver the kids to you.


E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on May. 10, 2012 at 4:42 PM


Quoting Miranda1018628:

I am the one watching them. My fiance works 12-9 when we have them. 


 Then it's not her using you as a babysitter, it's your SO. 




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