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when is enough ,enough?

Posted by on May. 10, 2012 at 10:18 PM
  • 9 Replies
Bm is very inconsistent. We never know if she's coming or going. It's gotten easier to deal with because we lowered our expectations of her but we're wondering how to handle this particular situation.

My dh has primary. Bm gets SD every other weekend. She is always having to miss her weekends for whatever reason. But never gives proper warning or reason. Then asks for two weekends in a row. We always give them to her. But its getting old. We hate this inconsistency and I can tell SD does too. So we're thinking of not giving in anymore and if she misses a visit then she misses it. Not our problem. We want to get along but she's disrupting our life and we want stability. Is this reasonable??
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by on May. 10, 2012 at 10:18 PM
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by on May. 10, 2012 at 10:26 PM

How does SD feel about it? She may not like going 2+ weeks without seeing mom. Maybe you can talk to BM and ask her to give you more notice when she's going to cancel/switch weekends? 

by on May. 10, 2012 at 10:27 PM
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Absolutely reasonable.

This is a huge part of our situation that we got tired of. First, tardiness drove me insane. In 2.5 years, being on time TWICE was unacceptable. Between 5 minutes to an hour late every time was obnoxious and I was done with it. Skipping 4 weekends then asking for 2 in a row wasn't cool. Being stressed with work and a baby or life... It's a part of being a parent and a part of life in general. I didn't get to drop being a mom for two months when I was single, working, stressed and had the flu... Why should a BF?

You have been more than reasonable and enough is enough. If it is truly disrupting the child, their life/emotions/school... Step up and advocate for her.
by Gold Member on May. 10, 2012 at 10:35 PM
We are getting to a similar point with my ex not quite as bad as missing whole weekends but being hours late dropping the kids off whenever just being random. It's annoying and there is a clause that says if he is more than a half hour late he forfeits visitation but I haven't enforced it yet if he keeps it up I will only to force him to realize there are consequences to his actions bc he is just one of those people who don't think they have any.
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by on May. 10, 2012 at 11:29 PM

I would leave it up to your stepdaughter, ask her if she would like to go for two weeks in a row or if she would like to just stick to the every other weekend, no pressure, anything she wants is fine and no one will get angry, then go off of that, take the blame for your stepdaughter if you have to.

by Silver Member on May. 11, 2012 at 6:29 AM
It makes it hard for you to plan so no, not unreasonable. I would suggest doing the schedule each month so you can stay flexible which in the end helps you out to. That is what we do. This way you know what her plans are and she know what your are. We are able to do a few months at a time in our situation but sounds like that won't work for you
by Platinum Member on May. 11, 2012 at 7:18 AM

 Could you simply just have DH tell her that her inconsistency is really disruptive and that it would be greatly appreciative if she could do XYZ from now on? Why not just ask first?

by Platinum Member on May. 11, 2012 at 7:24 AM

Talk to her and tell her how it is effecting your household.  She needs to get on a set schedule, whether it be EOWE or 2 weekends in a row and then skip 2.  If she still can't be stable about it I would deny the makeup weekend.

by on May. 11, 2012 at 8:42 AM
That would bug the crap out of DH. If its hurting your SD by not having consistency then talk to Bm. If she sees nothing wrong with what she's doing then stop being nice
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by on May. 11, 2012 at 8:46 AM

what does your co say?  if it says eowe then yes if she misses she misses.

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