Need Some Advice........or maybe just some understanding
My boyfriend's son is 9 years old. They live in Michigan, I live in Nevada so we are quite along distance away from eachother. Luckily, my boyfriend works for the airlines and can fly for free.
What am I feeling inside??? I feel that he is THE ONE that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know it's a package deal and i'm ok with that. I think at some point I should have a conversation with my bf about how i am feeling as we are very open with eachother, however my problem right now is........i don't even understand exactly what it is that i'm feeling yet. Does his son hate me? Am I somehow jealous of a 9 year old? That sounds so ridiculous when i see it in black and white, but it's the only feeling that i can think of that comes closest to describe how i'm feeling.
When i first recognized these unfamiliar feelings, probably around the 2nd or 3rd day of their visit, I kind of started to panic internally. I say panic because i'm trying to decifer if i can really even hack it being a step mom. Is reality maybe just slapping me in the face that this is how i'm going to feel all of the time if i pursue this relationship any further? Am i just going through a phase, a period of adjustment, and eventually these feelings will go away? For a few minutes it even made me question if I can be everything that he and his son need long term?
I know this situation can't be easy for any of us, his son having to adjust to me and sharing his dad with me. My boyfriend having to please the two of us, being caught in the middle, balancing being a full time dad, working full time, and keeping a long distance relationship going. And for me, trying to figure out where i fit in all of this. Having such loving feelings toward my boyfriend, yet having some scary feelings towards his son, who is a very huge part of him.
By the way, i'm very new to the site and i'm not even sure if i'm posting/replying right so i apologize. But i do want to say THANK-YOU to everyone who is giving me imput. I have had these feelings just lingering since the boys left Tuesday and was searching just to find someone that understands me and doesn't think i'm a bad or selfish person for feeling the way i do. I'm feeling alot of guilt too, which i failed to mention in my earlier post. Feeling guilty that i feel any animosity or jealousy towards a child.
It's ok to feel disrupted. But seriously, if bm got hurt or ill or were out of the picture, these boys might live with you. If you aren't ok with ever dealing with them, this might not be your sitch, kwim?
If they visit infrequently... Just be kind, step back an let dh and his kids focus on building their relationship. Be happy if dh is happy and let him take responsibility while they are there.
At the end of the day... It's about having a happy life. Resentment and animosity will only get in the way.../
DH said...
- anonymous419
on May. 12, 2012 at 1:41 AMMy boyfriend's son is 9. His biological mom lives in the same city as they do, however she only contacts him a few times a year and rarely sees him in person. My boyfriend suspects she may be involved with drugs or something of that nature as she is very flaky and hard to contact, phone numbers are always disconnected, that sort of thing. My boyfriend has had primary custody of his son since he was 3years old, but he's in the process of trying to get full legal custody.