Frustrated with stepsons attitude

[CCR04]

I am new to this sight so let me start by telling a little about myself and my blended family. I have four children. A 24 year old son and 16 year old daughter from a previous marraige and a 9 year old stepson and a 4 year old with my current husband. My stepson lives with us full time. His mother is thousands of dollars behind on child support, and never gets him on a regular basis, which is supposed to be every other weekend. I am frustrated because I do everything for him but when he does go with her he has an attitude toward me before and after. And she is the best mother in the world. She buys him candy or something like it and you would think it was made of gold. Am I being too sensitive? It bothers me badly. So much that when he comes back from there I go to my room until his dad gets him to bed. Not sure how to cope.

[whatIknownow]

Can you describe what he is saying or doing that you are calling "an attitude?"

[CCR04]

It isn't as much what he says but his tone. He will say "I'm going to my moms" over and over to me in with a smart mouth tone. Then when he gets home he will have the same attitude toward me.

[1SpaZZedMom]

It's the heavy sighing at you when you talk, the eye rolling, the look of "so?"... The vibes of "you aren't my mom so stop".... right?

[1SpaZZedMom]

It sounds like he is trying to push your buttons. After saying in return to him "I know, are you excited to see her?" (without too much excitement, but JUST enough), ignore him flat out. He wants a rise out of you.

Right before he leaves, ask if he wants a hug or a high five. DONT let it show that he's irritating you with his taunting mannerisms. He's just rubbing it in that BM is his BM and you aren't. Ignore   Ignore   Ignore all the while be positive!

Its hard, but doable!

Quoting CCR04:

It isn't as much what he says but his tone. He will say "I'm going to my moms" over and over to me in with a smart mouth tone. Then when he gets home he will have the same attitude toward me.

[Tarac1012]

It's normal how he is behaving - not acceptable, but normal.  He's basically punishing you because you are probably acting more like a mom to him than his actual mom.  You need to just seriously tell him to have a good time, when he gets back ask him if he had a good time and then be excited for him.  When he knows you aren't threatened (I'd say his mom certainly is by you) - he'll tone it down.  I know it's hard to do the right thing... but you have to be the adult and do just that.  Know in your heart that SOME day he'll appreciate it. It could be a LONG time from now but it'll happen evenutally.

[CCR04]

Thanks to all for your response. I do tell him to have a good before he goes. Also to clarify she is not his BM, they adopted him.

[zannahdeux]

Quoting Tarac1012:

It's normal how he is behaving - not acceptable, but normal.  He's basically punishing you because you are probably acting more like a mom to him than his actual mom.  You need to just seriously tell him to have a good time, when he gets back ask him if he had a good time and then be excited for him.  When he knows you aren't threatened (I'd say his mom certainly is by you) - he'll tone it down.  I know it's hard to do the right thing... but you have to be the adult and do just that.  Know in your heart that SOME day he'll appreciate it. It could be a LONG time from now but it'll happen evenutally.

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