Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Being a step-mom...

Posted by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:55 PM
  • 14 Replies

I am 23 years old and my husband is 31. He has 3 kids from his previous marriage and we have one on the way. I am having some serious problems with the middle child (the other 2 are fine), who is a boy and what you might call the "favorite".

He is rude, disrespectful, causes fights and is constantly being the antagoniser in ALL situations. He has said to me outright that he doesn't want his dad and I to have a baby but since we found out, he has stopped saying things like that. He is however, still fighting with his brother and sister and I am finding that I have less patience than I had before with it all. 

I can feel the anxiety creeping up on me whenever they are supposed to come to our house and I'm not sure how to make that go away. My husband is wonderful and understanding when it comes to this situation and he is always trying to help me figure out how to deal with it. He is fine with me disciplining the kids as I see fit because he knows that I am not unreasonable. 

I don't know how to deal with all the stress and anxiety of it all. And it can't be good for me to constantly be on edge while I am pregnant... Any helpful hints or suggestions?


family in the van




by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:55 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
casey.foster09
by on May. 11, 2012 at 3:28 PM
I wish I could help, honestly my pregnancy was horrible And I think the stress of trying to learn to be w stepmom made it worse. However, now that the baby is sleeping through the night and their mom is back I. The picture things have gotten better... So look forward to a great future and try not to stress, just don't let it bother you and let dh do most of the discipline for the time being... Also eve. Though I stressed like I never had while pregnant my baby is healthy and do am I so it'll all be ok. Good luck hun.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
DDDaysh
by on May. 11, 2012 at 3:37 PM

 How old is he?  How old are the siblings?  How long have you guys been married? 

kailashelton13
by on May. 11, 2012 at 4:12 PM

He is 10. His big sister is 13 and the little brother is 7. It is the 10 year old that there is trouble with. I have been married to their father for a year but we have been in their lives as a parenting team for 2 years.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on May. 11, 2012 at 4:19 PM
2 moms liked this

Given the situation, I think your DH should handle all discipline, and be present the entire time the child is there, so that there would really be no discipline for you to do.

DDDaysh
by on May. 11, 2012 at 8:39 PM

For a 10-year-old, he sounds pretty normal.  It's expected he'd fight more with both of them than they do with eachother because he's in the middle.  Most of what you're describing is normal kid stuff.  

What is the visitation situation?  

What do you mean by "as a parenting team"?  You're very young for the kids to consider you as a parent.  The 7-year-old might have an easier time with it, but it isn't unrealistic that the 10-year-old might balk.   

If you're having trouble with him, I'd suggest creating some distance.  Don't be responsible for his care and discipline.  Find a place where you can withdrawl from the kids when they're getting too rowdy.  Focus on your baby, and let Dad be the one who handles his manling.  

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on May. 11, 2012 at 8:58 PM


Quoting kailashelton13:

He is 10. His big sister is 13 and the little brother is 7. It is the 10 year old that there is trouble with. I have been married to their father for a year but we have been in their lives as a parenting team for 2 years.

maybe the "parenting team" idea isnt working. It doesn't always work. Let dad be the parent, and you try a different role, maybe more like a "fun aunt." See if that improves your relationship.

Kaseyrose21
by Member on May. 11, 2012 at 10:16 PM

 I am in the same spot girl. I am 24 hubby is 35 and I am due in 8 weeks. We have my stepson every other weekend and tuesday and wednesday during the weeks we don't have him on the weekend. He can be quite a handful and is quite spoiled. It has made much of my pregnancy stressfull but I find stepping back and creating space helps best for me. I "withdraw" and spend sometime with myself and let hubby deal with his son. Especially on the days where my energy levels are completely depleted, which is a lot lately. Sounds like you and your hubby are a great team though so his support will make a world of a difference once the baby comes. Good luck!

AmyB118
by NA Rocks on May. 11, 2012 at 10:31 PM


Quoting kailashelton13:

He is 10. His big sister is 13 and the little brother is 7. It is the 10 year old that there is trouble with. I have been married to their father for a year but we have been in their lives as a parenting team for 2 years.

Sounds like BF needs to step up and step in to stop his son's behavior.  Maybe he's not comfortable with you being part of the "parenting team".  I'd leave that up to his BPs and have BF explain the rules of the household and enforce them consistently.

notuseless
by Member on May. 12, 2012 at 12:42 AM

as a middle child i can say he is causing trouble because he could be afraid once the baby comes he will lose his place, and no longer be the favorite. i would just make a spot in the house and explain that this was my alone spot and tell hubby when i needed to step back and have a moment.

kailashelton13
by on May. 14, 2012 at 10:52 AM

The only problem with me not having to discipline is that they are with us 50% of the time and their BM has some severe dependency issues, (which makes me have to step into that role sometimes), so some of the time, it is more like 70% of the time. it is quite unrealistic for me to not discipline him because all of our kids have activities and sometimes, I have to be alone with him at his activities, in the car, at home etc...

The parenting team is what works best for us and that has what we set down for ground rules for the kids. My husband is wonderful at disciplining when he is able to, but sometimes, that burden falls on me unfortunately. The oldest is a 13 year old girl and she thinks of me as a mother as well as the 7 year old. But i feel like maybe stepping back from all of that is a good thing so that way I can focus on my baby and myself so that this pregnancy can be an enjoyable and special experience. (Well, I guess when morning sickness isn't raiding my body...) :)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN