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It's officially decided...I just have a bad feeling about it.

Posted by on May. 11, 2012 at 5:04 PM
  • 5 Replies

BM and DH have agreed to have SD 12, who is autistic, live with BM next year. I have so many mixed feeling about this, I know when I posted about this before many of you said it was probably a bad idea. Just a quick little synopsis for those that didn't read my last post about this, SD12 can be violent and innapropriate to her brother and sister and they have come to despise her. The dynamics in the house are pretty tense because of this and my YSD 10 just cannot stand her sister so she will say mean things to her about being autistic. DH and I have been custodial for 4 yrs now and BM lives in another state and has summer vistation. BM is bipolar and really not very stable (she has meltdowns about once a year) but she has her dh that helps her get through those tough times. BM has no kids living with her right now except her 17 yr old SS and she does not work so she has a lot more time to focus on SD then we do with 3 kids. Sadly , SD has changed schools nearly every year of her schooling for a variety of reasons, so although this would be another change, she is used to it.

I have many different concerns and really don't know what to expect. First off, SD does not want to go live with BM, she wants to stay in our home with her siblings and us and at her current school (she finally made some good friends). Then again, SD changes her mind so much that it's really hard to tell what she wants. Also, all 3 of my skids will be going to BM's this summer as well as BM's skids, so she will have 6 kids who don't get along to handle this summer. I'm afraid this will spiral her in to an unhealthy state but she will have too much pride to tell us if she can't handle keeping SD. Or SD will sense her instability and want to come back and live with us in the middle of the school year. The onlly thing that keeps me hopeful about this plan is that I could be wrong and it may be the best situation for all involved. Problem is we just don't know until we try. I also don't want SD to think we gave up on her and just want to send her away. I feel guilty already even though it's my DH who made the final decision.

by on May. 11, 2012 at 5:04 PM
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Replies (1-5):
rocknmom85
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2012 at 5:10 PM

BUMP!

zannahdeux
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2012 at 5:20 PM
Not much you can donat this point anyway...bm and dh made a decision so it is off your shoulders. You have to assume they did what they thought was best...just have to stand back and see how it plays out...let's hope for the best and send good vibes sd's way
E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on May. 11, 2012 at 5:21 PM

IS she and the family in therapy? Does she go to behavioral therapy? Is she on meds? Have you talked to the specialist about what is going on?

Sorry so many questions. I know how hard it is. My son Ethan is autistic.

I think sending her to BM is a really bad idea. 

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2012 at 5:43 PM

 I really don't want to do anything to change it at this point but I still worry. The agreement was decided because DH and I discussed at length about it and we decided we should give it a shot because things arn't going so well as it is. BM agreed because she has been asking for years to do this. Technically my Dh made the final desicion because he's the dad but he honestly wouldn't have done so if I was not in agreement. So I can't totally pass the buck, but dh and and even BM realize that is is kind of an experiment because we have no idea what to expect. I just hope this doesn't cause more problems for everyone.

Quoting zannahdeux:

Not much you can donat this point anyway...bm and dh made a decision so it is off your shoulders. You have to assume they did what they thought was best...just have to stand back and see how it plays out...let's hope for the best and send good vibes sd's way


rocknmom85
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2012 at 5:53 PM

SD just got diagnosed with autism last November so we are in the process of getting her a state-sponsored advocate so we can get her into therapy. She does need behavioral therapy and I would hope that BM plans to get her into it over there. But to add another curveball, BM plans to move near us next summer so SD would be coming right back to our area. It's nuts, I know. Whenever I try to explain it or rationalize it to other people it just sounds really bad. I think were just desperate for peace in our homes and between the kids, SD has caused a lot of torment to her siblings and in turn they have become hateful toward her and it's just not a healthy environment. We figured with SD12 getting more one-on-one attention with BM we could also give the other 2 kids more much needed attention and all would be good.

And yes, SD is on meds and we have not talked to her psychiatrist about  it yet, and now it's only 2 weeks till the kids leave for the summer so things are moving really fast.

Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

IS she and the family in therapy? Does she go to behavioral therapy? Is she on meds? Have you talked to the specialist about what is going on?

Sorry so many questions. I know how hard it is. My son Ethan is autistic.

I think sending her to BM is a really bad idea. 


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