It's officially decided...I just have a bad feeling about it.
BM and DH have agreed to have SD 12, who is autistic, live with BM next year. I have so many mixed feeling about this, I know when I posted about this before many of you said it was probably a bad idea. Just a quick little synopsis for those that didn't read my last post about this, SD12 can be violent and innapropriate to her brother and sister and they have come to despise her. The dynamics in the house are pretty tense because of this and my YSD 10 just cannot stand her sister so she will say mean things to her about being autistic. DH and I have been custodial for 4 yrs now and BM lives in another state and has summer vistation. BM is bipolar and really not very stable (she has meltdowns about once a year) but she has her dh that helps her get through those tough times. BM has no kids living with her right now except her 17 yr old SS and she does not work so she has a lot more time to focus on SD then we do with 3 kids. Sadly , SD has changed schools nearly every year of her schooling for a variety of reasons, so although this would be another change, she is used to it.
I have many different concerns and really don't know what to expect. First off, SD does not want to go live with BM, she wants to stay in our home with her siblings and us and at her current school (she finally made some good friends). Then again, SD changes her mind so much that it's really hard to tell what she wants. Also, all 3 of my skids will be going to BM's this summer as well as BM's skids, so she will have 6 kids who don't get along to handle this summer. I'm afraid this will spiral her in to an unhealthy state but she will have too much pride to tell us if she can't handle keeping SD. Or SD will sense her instability and want to come back and live with us in the middle of the school year. The onlly thing that keeps me hopeful about this plan is that I could be wrong and it may be the best situation for all involved. Problem is we just don't know until we try. I also don't want SD to think we gave up on her and just want to send her away. I feel guilty already even though it's my DH who made the final decision.